CrazyRed

Do I tell my active ALO that I'm in AlAnon? I disappear for 2 hours a few nights a week, should I tell him?
I've been around the effects of alcoholism to different degrees of insanity all my life; a few months ago I decided to finally do something about it for my own self.

Thanx, Red

splendra

Why tell? Has he asked where you are going? I say if he asks tell him if not keep it to yourself for a while longer. He might start wondering what you are doing and ask. But,then it could show you how selfinvolved he is...

Gabe

You've been going out for 2 hours, a few nights a week for months and he's NEVER asked where you were? I wouldn't say a thing.

CrazyRed

Thanks Splendra, I think I will keep it to myself.

Gabe- No, we don't live together & aren't married. Dating for a long time, tho.

Jane Doe

Can I ask why you don't want them to know?

CrazyRed

Jane- I'm not sure. Wow -I never thought about it until you asked. I feel like I'm keeping a secret b/c the program is important to me. It seems (in my mind) that he could feel like I was against him. He says: "my drinking is nobody else's business and I won't discuss it."
Again, wow. Something for me to think about.

Thanx

cwohio

CrazyRed

al-anon really isn't about the a anyway - it's about us and making ourselves whole and well! if you think he would feel "threatened", don't go there.

cwohio

Karivan

Hi Crazy Red. I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night and absolutely loved it. The women were so nice and I felt really comfortable and will go back.

The thing is... I decided to go at 7:45 and it started at 8:00. I felt such a strong urge that I had to go to Al-Anon that I jumped up, changed my clothes and got my purse. I went into the kitchen and my A was making himself a bloody mary. What timing! I said, "I'm going to an Al-Anon meeting. See you in awhile." He just stared at me, stunned... and I left. He didn't talk to me when I got home but that's ok. He's still pretty cold today and isn't talking much but that's his passive aggressive thing. He thinks acting cold and distant to me will get me to act loving to him again and it used to work! Not anymore!!

CrazyRed

Karivan- Thanks for your reply.
It has helped me to know how someone else already did the very thing that I was confused about.

I like coming to this site, it's a good place.


:hamburger

bonbon

Taking care of you is #1 priority, what he thinks (not trying to sound mean) or how he will react should be low on the things to worry about list. I think it is great your doing this for you.

Many Hugs!

Vicky

CrazyRed,

You have brought a little smile to my face. I wish I had a camera the day I told my husband (My A) I was going to alanon. He just looked at me like I was from outerspace hehehehe. He did not like it at all but I kept going. At first he hated the changes in me and blamed them on alanon. Of course he hated the changes I stopped enabling, and started detaching. He finally asked me one day what I did at the meetings. He said do ya'll sit around and talk about me. I laughed and said no honey we talk about me. Again I got that look like I was from outerspace. He said but I thought it was about alcoholics and isnt that me?? I just smiled and said everything in life is not about you and alanon is about me. He is still active in his addiction so don't get me wrong he still gets angry at times about alanon because the positive changes in me go against the grain of his addiction. From time to time he gets fussy about alanon and will say you and your alanon stuff but I have made it clear that this is important to me.

But here is the great thing you have the choice to say something or not. That is why it is anonymous!!!

Love and Understanding,
Vicky

osier59

I remember when I started attending al anon. My A was really angry. He was convinced that all we did was sit around and talk about him. He was NOT happy with the changes he saw in me as I quit fixing everything and enabling him. He actually went to a few meetings to see what it was all about... but he didn't continue. It was one of the things that we fought about - big time - but it was also one of the few things that I really stood up for and did, regardless of whether or not HE liked it!

It was the beginning of big changes for me and my life. And it's all been good.

Hugs
Barb

CrazyRed

I am making big changes, a little bit at the time. It can be hard or downright confusing -the playbook of My Life is what I create.

kfa2004

How did you locate a meeting in your area? Is there a site to go to? I need the help for myself.

Magichappens

http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/
click on "Find A Meeting". It will take you to the local websites, and you can find the meetings scheduled in your area. Hugs and welcome, Magic

CrazyRed

KFA-

Al-Anon is in the Yellow pages phone directory also, if you want to speak with a human about where to go to meetings.

Thanks for the reply you sent!

CrazyRed

Hi Chick.
Go to a meeting, talk/listen with other people and decide what is right for you to do. It helps so much having support here on this forum, and with people in meetings as well!

Thanks for your thoughts and your reply! Red