When does the fog lift
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But why aren't we right for each other (Rhetorical question of course)?? He told me every day he couldn't live without me and was going to spend the rest of his life with me and couldn't possibly imagine life without me.
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Originally Posted by Jodie77 
Can anyone help me understand my above post please?
In all my years of learning about alcoholism, the only thing I can tell you is, he does and says those things because he is an addict, and as personal as it feels, it doesn't have anything to do with you. He's an addict. It's about his addiction.
The more energy and time I poured into trying to figure him out, the less energy and time I had to figure ME out. To take care of myself. To start healing.
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Originally Posted by Jodie77
But why aren't we right for each other (Rhetorical question of course)?? He told me every day he couldn't live without me and was going to spend the rest of his life with me and couldn't possibly imagine life without me.
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Thank you everyone for your responses, I am so grateful for you all. You are playing a big role in my healing. Please know I am reading each and every one of your responses; they are not falling on deaf ears. I just need to have these things beat into my head repeatedly! Please keep responding! 
I am just amazed that I am a professional, successful, financially stable, and a nice girl yet he was able to crumble me. He left his wife as well....she is so beautiful, has her Masters degree and is a guidance counselor, etc. I think he gets bored after awhile or just doesn't want to hear nagging anymore. He is very successful and known around town as the "hottest guy in the city" so he is sought after by many women and won't have trouble replacing me. I'm just so pissed I wasted 5 years of the latter part of my child bearing years with this self centered jerk, and then he dumps me!!!
I am just amazed that I am a professional, successful, financially stable, and a nice girl yet he was able to crumble me. He left his wife as well....she is so beautiful, has her Masters degree and is a guidance counselor, etc. I think he gets bored after awhile or just doesn't want to hear nagging anymore. He is very successful and known around town as the "hottest guy in the city" so he is sought after by many women and won't have trouble replacing me. I'm just so pissed I wasted 5 years of the latter part of my child bearing years with this self centered jerk, and then he dumps me!!!
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Honey, pick yourself up. Get in the shower. Focus.
One thing that we did in my house when I got divorced was switch rooms around. What was my bedroom is now my daughter's, her room is my other daughter's, and that daughter's room is now mine. I also got a new bed. I had to LOL b/c the bed was his to take. I bought a used bed cheap, a cheapo mattress, and a really really nice thick mattress topper for it. We redecorated all of the rooms. It is great, when I go upstairs to the bedrooms and bathroom, it does not even resemble what it looked like when we were married.
This helped me move forward, and I think it helped my kids too.
Tight hugs. I know it seems it, but a week is not long. Do nice things for you during this time.
XXX
One thing that we did in my house when I got divorced was switch rooms around. What was my bedroom is now my daughter's, her room is my other daughter's, and that daughter's room is now mine. I also got a new bed. I had to LOL b/c the bed was his to take. I bought a used bed cheap, a cheapo mattress, and a really really nice thick mattress topper for it. We redecorated all of the rooms. It is great, when I go upstairs to the bedrooms and bathroom, it does not even resemble what it looked like when we were married.
This helped me move forward, and I think it helped my kids too.
Tight hugs. I know it seems it, but a week is not long. Do nice things for you during this time.
XXX
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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One thing alcoholics do, I think, is to say the things they think they are supposed to say. You wanted to hear a lot of romantic "I love yous" so he complied. It doesn't mean he didn't love you at all, but he probably isn't capable of loving you the way you thought he did, and the way you thought he meant it. Alcoholics are usually pretty stunted in the emotional development department, but can do a good job of pretending to be what they aren't for the sake of getting along in the world. Eventually even the pretenses usually crumble.
You will be OK--promise. It's only been a short period of time. It took me months and months to get over some of my breakups. In fact there's one from college that still sticks in my craw for some reason. That's the only one, though--and actually, the only serious relationship where *I* got dumped. So that may be part of it. No matter how much it was in your interest to break up, it hurts to feel rejected.
You will be OK--promise. It's only been a short period of time. It took me months and months to get over some of my breakups. In fact there's one from college that still sticks in my craw for some reason. That's the only one, though--and actually, the only serious relationship where *I* got dumped. So that may be part of it. No matter how much it was in your interest to break up, it hurts to feel rejected.
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One thing alcoholics do, I think, is to say the things they think they are supposed to say. You wanted to hear a lot of romantic "I love yous" so he complied. It doesn't mean he didn't love you at all, but he probably isn't capable of loving you the way you thought he did, and the way you thought he meant it. Alcoholics are usually pretty stunted in the emotional development department, but can do a good job of pretending to be what they aren't for the sake of getting along in the world. Eventually even the pretenses usually crumble.
Lexi, I think you just nailed it for me with this. There were so many times that I felt my XAF's words and actions were sort of almost scripted. Almost like he was doing what he was supposed to do because he knew he was supposed to do it.
Sometimes it almost seems like he knew how bad he was and I was his cover. If we were together, raising a child, running a household, planning a wedding and doing all of the normal things that normal couples do, he could convince himself and others that he wasn't progressing with the alcoholism as badly as he was.
Sort of like "acting" normal to prove himself was more important than anything else. Like he was trying to prove something. Sometimes he just tried way too hard and it didn't feel sincere. Does that make an ounce of sense?
Too many revelations today. My head is spinning.
Lexi, I think you just nailed it for me with this. There were so many times that I felt my XAF's words and actions were sort of almost scripted. Almost like he was doing what he was supposed to do because he knew he was supposed to do it.
Sometimes it almost seems like he knew how bad he was and I was his cover. If we were together, raising a child, running a household, planning a wedding and doing all of the normal things that normal couples do, he could convince himself and others that he wasn't progressing with the alcoholism as badly as he was.
Sort of like "acting" normal to prove himself was more important than anything else. Like he was trying to prove something. Sometimes he just tried way too hard and it didn't feel sincere. Does that make an ounce of sense?
Too many revelations today. My head is spinning.
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Originally Posted by Jodie77
My heart is breaking today. Very dark and low.
Some days are just so hard! I spent many days alone in my house, crying, and trying to sleep as much as humanly possible so i didn't have to feel the pain. I went through all the greiving stages a few times over! Be strong.. its hard but after the dust settles you will realize how happier you'll be to not have to deal with so much chaos any longer!
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Ha! My ex said the exact same Thing about me driving him crazy. Personally I think that's code for I'm too inadequate to handle the tiniest but of stress. He sounds a bit unstable with the suicide threats so I wouldn't take much offense to him walking away.
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