chronsweet

I haven't been active in this forum in quite some time, years even. I have stopped by to browse or read and to remind myself why I spent so much time here in the first place.

First, I want to thank everyone for posting here and sharing stories and helping me through living a life with an alcoholic and opening my eyes to the roller coaster ride of turmoil.

I am still in contact with my xAbf, but I am happy to say that he is not living with my son and I anymore. I thought that just getting him out of the house would be resolution for me. He hasn't lived in our home for almost 6 months. Unfortunately, I am still having such a hard time completely severing the ties between the two of us. I am still hanging onto this stupid fantasy where I think that 'maybe one day' this mystical light will shine down upon him and he will realize all that has been lost by his poor choice and the irresponsibility on his part that has come with the territory of choosing alcohol over living with myself and his son.

I know this is delusional. My realistic, reasoning side of my brain tells me it is so. Yet, I get so desperate for attention (co-dependence?) that I feel myself pulled towards him. It is crazy because although I am by no means perfect, he still blames everything on me. I have tried to move past blame and yet, I keep getting sucked into this vicious cycle even though we aren't living together anymore.

We have a child together. His son loves his dad and he sees him often. I want to know if any of the people in here have been able to maintain a good relationship with their exA in terms of co-parenting and some coping skills for keeping distance but not being retalitory and coming off as controlling. My main concern is that his son loves him. I don't want to control their relationship. I want my son to feel the love from both of us (his dad does love him), but I also want to gain some sanity and distance from him.

Has anyone ever experienced a narcissistic alcoholic who just can't admit to any fault in the outcome of the relationship. It just floors me to think that he can't internalize what his part has been in this entire debacle.

aboutdone

I have a 5 yr old daughter with mine. My story is long and crazy but I have sole legal custody of her. Thereis not a visitation plan at this time. He asked yesterday to take her to the library. I didnt respond. She is the youngest. He has 6 boys with various Mothers and has lil to no contact with most of them. He has been a relatively good Dad to her until recently. He told her straight to her face to eff off about 3 weeks ago when she was in a meltdown. She didn't even react. I am looking for a good therapist for my kids before I embark on a parenting plan with him.

ladyscribbler

My youngest is five. I was never married to his dad (an alcoholic). I felt much the same way as you did at first. I moved out and stopped enabling him, so he had to get better. No, he turned to his parents. Then they stopped enabling him, so he had to get better. No he hooked up with his uncle's widow and married her.
That was when the real craziness started. I had to take him to court for child support or risk losing our son's health insurance, which enraged him. Then he had a huge blowout with his parents, who had been supervising the visits with him and DS. They all live in another state. I moved home to be closer to family. My ex wants his auntwife to supervise the visits and I am now having to fight him in court to keep that from happening.
If you had asked me a year ago, I never would have believed any of this would go down. He was all talk and no action. Now he's got a babysitter/chauffeur/puppeteer egging him on and he is no closer to admitting he has a problem than he was when I left.
If you can, get in tough with your local legal aid to see if they will help you get some custody and child support down on paper. I wish I had done that right after I left, but I thought he would be content to drink and complain like he'd always done.

Thumper

What worked for me is to correspond by email only. I only respond to communication that is 100% related to the kids and ignore the rest. I can't control what he sends but I am in complete control of what I send/respond to.

I wouldn't say we have a friendly relationship but we don't fight. If I responded to some of the stuff he sends there would be never ending drama.

I'm a long way in. It was very triggery that first year but it gets easier. I kept being the person I wanted to be and doing the right thing and it all worked out.