987g

Well let me give you a back story, then you can tell if I am indeed crazy.
To make it short, I'm in love with a (recovering) alcoholic and his crazy dysfunctional family.

2014 was a roller-coaster and I spent most of it in a state of anxiety. When we were fighting, I would let him convince me that I was crazy and that it was my fault (not his). And when things were good I was carefully planning what I did or said as to not disrupt the peace. There was a lot of good things that happened this year in general, really I promise, but most of the time I was caught up in this whirlwind of emotions.

I decided it's time to get off the roller coaster for awhile. I'm tired of feeling hurt and I know that he doesn't want to hurt me either (even if it seems like he does sometimes!) I know it's the right thing to do but as you all know, it's hard, I feel like I'm withdrawing from a drug!

I feel the most balanced and healthy when I start my days in the morning, and have the evening to work out or go to church and I really want to start going to Al-anon. And sometimes I'm lucky, sometimes my days go like this. Even on days when I get worked up and worried and emotional, I am able to deal with it better and keep myself present.

BUT I work 14 hr night shifts on random days of the week. After I get off working those nights I am a complete mess. It's making the situation worse. I've tried different things, different schedules and routines but it's just not working out. I'm really considering quitting my job because it's just adding to the stress and draining me. I plan on sticking it out until I find something else but I don't want to tell my boss "Oh I'm quitting because I'm an emotional wreck who can't deal." Is it crazy to want to quit my job so that I can live a healthier life for myself?

It's crazy how once you are involved with an alcoholic, your own life can change forever.

Mango blast

Good luck on finding another job, asap! I've needed to concentrate on my health over paycheck. I don't have any answers, but I do know as I become healthier the more I'll be able to do.

I worked night shifts a long time ago. I used to be a night owl, but that eventually took it's toll. As I've healed I've gotten into a much healthier day rhythm.

http://www.m.webmd.com/sleep-disorde...dle-sleep-life

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5672965

Flavia2

Working night shifts can be disruptive to your sleep and you health. Why not wait until you find a job that has better hours before you quit?

It was very chaotic when I had to rely on my AH for benefits or money. In my expierence, the most terrifying time ever...

Find a new job before you ditch the old job. IMHO

aboutdone

I don't think it is a bad thought at all, simply because I am getting ready to start a job and I am already freaking out about not having the time I need to work on me as much as I would like as it is, and then add a job to it and basically I go on the back burner.

But thats just me, & I am in super codieville at the moment.

Thumper

You'd be crazy not to. I would stick it out until you found something else. Just tell your boss you found something with better hours.

2015 is going to get better for you. Alanon is good, stickies at the top are good, SR is good, codependent no more is a book - also good.

Soberintexas007

Great idea to get another job! In the end, you will be grateful that you took care of yourself and your own serenity over a job.

LLLisa

So if you quit your job who will be paying for you? You aren't going to rely on an alcoholic in recovery to pay your way or are you? That's a scary thought.

I couldn't do it. Way too many "what ifs" that could spring up.

honeypig

I absolutely DO NOT think it's crazy to look for a job that takes a lesser mental, emotional and physical toll. I'm looking myself, as I currently deliver for a bakery and start at 2:30 AM, plus work at least one weekend day and every freaking holiday but Christmas. I took the job knowing I could do it for a while but that I needed to be making other plans, as it wasn't a permanent solution, just an improvement on where I was at the time.

As others have posted, shift work, particularly loooong shifts like you describe, are very hard on people. Looking for something else that's more "normal" and that will allow you to have a healthier, more regular schedule is simply taking care of yourself. That's what we're all about here! And I don't think there's a boss alive who would be shocked that you'd choose a job w/a regular schedule and normal hours of work over long, irregular nights of work.

Start looking, and keep us posted on what you find--in the time I've spent at SR, I've been privileged to read posts from folks making amazing career changes as they learned to not be afraid to reach out for what they want. I hope to hear the same from you soon!

ETA: I do think you'd do best to hang onto the current job till you have something else. In my experience, it's always easier to find a new job when you're currently working.

honeypig

I absolutely DO NOT think it's crazy to look for a job that takes a lesser mental, emotional and physical toll. I'm looking myself, as I currently deliver for a bakery and start at 2:30 AM, plus work at least one weekend day and every freaking holiday but Christmas. I took the job knowing I could do it for a while but that I needed to be making other plans, as it wasn't a permanent solution, just an improvement on where I was at the time.

As others have posted, shift work, particularly loooong shifts like you describe, are very hard on people. Looking for something else that's more "normal" and that will allow you to have a healthier, more regular schedule is simply taking care of yourself. That's what we're all about here! And I don't think there's a boss alive who would be shocked that you'd choose a job w/a regular schedule and normal hours of work over long, irregular nights of work.

Start looking, and keep us posted on what you find--in the time I've spent at SR, I've been privileged to read posts from folks making amazing career changes as they learned to not be afraid to reach out for what they want. I hope to hear the same from you soon!

LexieCat

I think it's crazy ONLY if it means you will be dependent on the alcoholic. If you have to count on him, I'd stick it out where you are until you can find a job that makes you NOT dependent on him. Once you are dependent on him, your options are reduced, dramatically. From what you've posted, I'm assuming he is in EARLY recovery. That's a very dicy time. Many alcoholics relapse, and having the added stress of supporting someone else might make that more likely. If he relapses, and you are dependent on him, you are in a bad position.

So yeah, start looking for a better job with less stress, but don't give up the one you have until you've found it.

987g

Well I am grateful for all the pis it I've responses. It helps me feel a little less crazy knowing others feel or have been thru the same things. For everyone that asks, no I'm not dependent on him for money. We've never lived together but he is my neighbor. We started hanging out when he was 3 months into recovery but I've known him my whole life. He warned me from the start that he doesn't define relationships because he's selfish and ruins them and that's exactly what happened. Well, it's not all his fault either. But it didn't stop me from falling hard for him anyways. And this year it has been back and forth. We got into a terrible argument at the beginning of last year which lasted for 3 months. I honestly thought he would never talk to me again. Of couse I would try to talk to him though because I'm codependent and just wanted everything "fixed." So he started dating around and things would either be hostile and tense between us or he would come to me and tell me what psychos they all were and we would be back in our happy but undefined relationship. There's a lot more details to this story but to make it short: relationship issues? He's got them for days.

Hawkeye13

Maybe you should move and find a new job.

Removing the chaos and stress-causers in your life will really help your mental health.

Sounds like for you they are 1)him 2)your current job

Getting away physically, or at least going NoContact, can really help clear the air and bring you some peace

987g

Yes I'm working on the no contact thing. He's a master at shutting people out even if he does care about you bUT for me it's not that easy and I take it all so personal but I'm working on it. I at least realize that's how it needs to be for awhile.

hopeful4

If you are not dependent on him in any way, do it. Let's face it, if you are miserable due to job conditions, that carries over in every aspect of life and wellness.

Good luck to you!

lillamy

This is where I would start. If you think quitting your job is going to cut down on the crazy, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. In my opinion (and that's only my opinion), cutting an alcoholic out of your life and starting going to Al-Anon is a much more surefire way to limit stress.

cynical one

Were you able to handle the hours of this job prior to being in a relationship with an alcoholic?

987g

I started working these hours in October. I just don't think I'm meant to work at night time. And I don't expect quitting my job to solve my problems. The hours are just adding to the stress. I'm working on the no contact thing and "lovingly detaching" but completely severing my ties with them is not an option in my book!

987g

As long as everything works out, I'm going to my first al-anon meeting tomorrow. I'm excited because I'm ready to be in a room of people that understand all the crap I've been dragging around and all the anxiety I have been feeling but I'm kind of nervous at the same time to walk into that room. I don't know why! I guess because not a lot of people know about "this" part of my life. I mean, yes some do, but very few people know how much is really affects me I think. I just pretend like it's "no big deal, oh well" but really, it's a huge heart breaking deal.