The holidays were much less stressful this year

Old 01-09-2015, 04:49 AM
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The holidays were much less stressful this year

Maybe, because they were spent with friends and family of my choosing.
I left STBXAH in May, and filed for divorce in November. I am waiting to hear from the court, as my 60 day waiting period has passed (Day 67...not that I am counting). My DD18 split her time between her dad's house and mine, and he and I spoke on the phone several times. He has been overly friendly, and even sent a gift to me, via DD. It was a gift certificate for a massage, which I was very uncomfortable receiving. This was his usual gift to me every year, and this time, I think it will just sit in the drawer. Too awkward to redeem or return. I haven't even acknowledged it yet. I suppose a simple "Thank you" is in order, but I just thought it was an inappropriate gift this time. I should add that I did not give him anything. It seems that anytime I offer a friendly gesture, he acts as if I might change my mind and go back to him. He starts sending flowery emails and ending his communications with "I love you."
Sorry to say, but I am just finished, and have no desire to ever return.
At least all of the season's holidays are over (his family also celebrates Eastern Orthodox Christmas, so the 7th was the last, for now) and I am hoping that he will start thinking of his future without me in the picture.
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Old 01-09-2015, 04:56 AM
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Hello Yurt! Glad to hear from you! I think you are setting yourself up to have a really great year!
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:20 AM
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I hope so too Yurt--you walked a long road with him.

I'm also glad things went well over the holidays.

Give the massage to someone at work who needs it if you don't want to use it.
Teachers always need to relax. . .
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:25 AM
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Quite right Yurt!
My holidays were great too, in part, because I planned them that way. Also found a new place to live New Years day, and will be moving by the end of the month.

6 months ago, I thought the next time I moved, it would be back in with my Alky.
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:56 AM
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Glad to hear it, Yurt!

And I had a hard time with those gifts in the beginning, too. Because they felt like ties I didn't want. AXH also sent gifts with the kids back then -- so since he sent the gifts with them, I told the kids to thank him for me. Chickening out, for sure, but I didn't know how to handle it. And like you said, returning the gift would just have caused more drama.

Sounds like you're having a pretty peaceful life. I like that.
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:17 AM
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YAY, Yurt! You know, I will probably be counting down the 60 days myself soon. I haven't filed yet because we're trying to iron out details. I have a realtor coming today to look at the house and give me feedback and to help me start looking at rentals.

I'm so much looking forward to low stress holidays!
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Old 01-09-2015, 09:45 AM
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Good to hear, Yurt.
Regarding the Gift. Even in good times I felt undeserving of a gift. These days...I'd be setting the massage appointment pronto and enjoying every minute of it.
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Old 01-09-2015, 11:09 AM
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That's a good point, Shellcrusher. Maybe to look at it as restitution on his part for all the muscle crunches and pains he has given you with his bad behavior.

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Old 01-09-2015, 12:02 PM
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No strings attached. No ulterior motives.
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Old 01-09-2015, 12:03 PM
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Dupe
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Old 01-09-2015, 01:18 PM
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I would give the massage to your DD Yurt! Then she can tell her Dad Thank You!

Glad to hear from you and that you had some peace!
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Old 01-09-2015, 02:23 PM
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You can put it in the basket at Alanon.

A couple years ago, at one of the Big AA/Alanon parties they were doing a door prize raffle. I bought a string of tickets each for the three kids, and we "won" three prizes. A Big Book cover that Mrs. Hammer grabbed for herself, a $50 Gift Card to Outback Steakhouse, and I do not remember what the other thing was.

At any rate, since we are a Veggie House, I put the Outback card in the Alanon Collection basket, and I think they sold it off for operating or World Service funds.
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Old 01-09-2015, 02:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Yurt View Post

(Day 67...not that I am counting).
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Old 01-09-2015, 04:01 PM
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Well, I discovered why things are not resolved with the court process. I left it in the hands of the paralegal....and that was a mistake. I still have to file a default, and then another step or two. So it looks like it will be another 2-3 weeks. I am rather ticked off!!
Going to have to funnel that energy into just getting this finished myself.
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