saw this coming but didn't really think...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: fl
Posts: 63
saw this coming but didn't really think...
Aexbf is likely going to jail for 8-12 months due to drinking despite required abstinence while in a court-ordered alcohol addiction counseling program. Seems the universe has provided an airtight solution to our space issues! Yikes. Plus he'll be sober for months. So that's good. Maybe when he gets a clear head he can examine his life with better vision and make the right choice.
But I'm still in shock. He was going to have completed everything in just a few weeks and he totally blew it. I know it's bc his head is so messed up he had no idea how obviously non-compliant he was.
I do worry about this development though because he was in jail last year for 4 months (multiple duis) and the anger he feels inside about his time in jail is serious a problem. I worry jailtime has and will exacerbate his anger issues. It's a terrifying prospect, to be locked up. Having had two nights in a cell on separate occasions, I can say just one night in jail is a nightmare enough. Eight months... wow.
I dont even know how I feel right now.
Like i said, shock.
But I'm still in shock. He was going to have completed everything in just a few weeks and he totally blew it. I know it's bc his head is so messed up he had no idea how obviously non-compliant he was.
I do worry about this development though because he was in jail last year for 4 months (multiple duis) and the anger he feels inside about his time in jail is serious a problem. I worry jailtime has and will exacerbate his anger issues. It's a terrifying prospect, to be locked up. Having had two nights in a cell on separate occasions, I can say just one night in jail is a nightmare enough. Eight months... wow.
I dont even know how I feel right now.
Like i said, shock.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Yes I agree with CodeJob--move on and go NoContact if you can.
An angry dry drunk with a looming incarceration and then release from prison is the last thing you need right now.
Guess who will get the brunt of that anger when he gets out?
There are many wonderful men who would make you so much happier than this guy.
All your posts are full of tears and fears and hurt from him.
Why not change your life with the New Year?
An angry dry drunk with a looming incarceration and then release from prison is the last thing you need right now.
Guess who will get the brunt of that anger when he gets out?
There are many wonderful men who would make you so much happier than this guy.
All your posts are full of tears and fears and hurt from him.
Why not change your life with the New Year?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi waggin, I know you are afraid for him. I'm sorry he has found himself in this position.
But....
He had other DUI's and didn't learn, so it seems. His drinking and driving endangers not only himself but the lives of innocent others. So, jail time is appropriate, imho. If HE had not driving drunk, HE would not be facing jail time. HE is the person he should be mad at--no one else.
I hope you don't feel that you have to bear the brunt of his anger, because you in no way deserve it!
Hang in there!
But....
He had other DUI's and didn't learn, so it seems. His drinking and driving endangers not only himself but the lives of innocent others. So, jail time is appropriate, imho. If HE had not driving drunk, HE would not be facing jail time. HE is the person he should be mad at--no one else.
I hope you don't feel that you have to bear the brunt of his anger, because you in no way deserve it!
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
the only person he can be angry with, is the guy he sees in the mirror.
Doesn't seem as if he is anywhere near ready to accept that his life choices have brought him to this day.
Not sure what could possibly be attractive about an adult man who lacks self control, and self respect.
I am sad to see, that you are continuing to worry and invest your time and energy with this person. It's a dead end street, waggin, time to raise the bar for yourself, best to surround yourself with healthy, smart, sober people. People who actually care about each other , and can treat each other with human dignity. People who enrich each other lives, not suck the last breath out of you.
The current path you are on is a dead end, turn around and go the opposite direction, it's the only way out of this. You are not giving yourself a fair chance to experience a normal, and healthy life, but YOU have to want that for yourself.
Doesn't seem as if he is anywhere near ready to accept that his life choices have brought him to this day.
Not sure what could possibly be attractive about an adult man who lacks self control, and self respect.
I am sad to see, that you are continuing to worry and invest your time and energy with this person. It's a dead end street, waggin, time to raise the bar for yourself, best to surround yourself with healthy, smart, sober people. People who actually care about each other , and can treat each other with human dignity. People who enrich each other lives, not suck the last breath out of you.
The current path you are on is a dead end, turn around and go the opposite direction, it's the only way out of this. You are not giving yourself a fair chance to experience a normal, and healthy life, but YOU have to want that for yourself.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by waggin 
Aexbf is likely going to jail for 8-12 months
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
This is your crystal ball into the future with this man if you chose to stay involved.
Obviously jail is NOT a deterrent to him and his drinking.
Usually drinking/drugs is only the tip of the iceberg. Far more lies beneath, the anger comes from something the drinking covers up those feelings. So much more work needs to be done other than abstinence and sitting ones butt in a chair at meeting. Often it’s that deep work that is too hard for them so picking up the bottle remains the solution.
I’m sure your shock comes from a normal kind of thinking where his thinking is anything but.
Obviously jail is NOT a deterrent to him and his drinking.
Usually drinking/drugs is only the tip of the iceberg. Far more lies beneath, the anger comes from something the drinking covers up those feelings. So much more work needs to be done other than abstinence and sitting ones butt in a chair at meeting. Often it’s that deep work that is too hard for them so picking up the bottle remains the solution.
I’m sure your shock comes from a normal kind of thinking where his thinking is anything but.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
This is your crystal ball into the future with this man if you chose to stay involved.
Obviously jail is NOT a deterrent to him and his drinking.
Usually drinking/drugs is only the tip of the iceberg. Far more lies beneath, the anger comes from something the drinking covers up those feelings. So much more work needs to be done other than abstinence and sitting ones butt in a chair at meeting. Often it’s that deep work that is too hard for them so picking up the bottle remains the solution.
I’m sure your shock comes from a normal kind of thinking where his thinking is anything but.
Obviously jail is NOT a deterrent to him and his drinking.
Usually drinking/drugs is only the tip of the iceberg. Far more lies beneath, the anger comes from something the drinking covers up those feelings. So much more work needs to be done other than abstinence and sitting ones butt in a chair at meeting. Often it’s that deep work that is too hard for them so picking up the bottle remains the solution.
I’m sure your shock comes from a normal kind of thinking where his thinking is anything but.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
He's your ex, so why are YOU worried about HIS issues? None of this is your business. What are you doing for yourself to move on from him? Given that you're still trying to figure out HIS life instead of your own, I highly suggest Al-Anon or a really good therapist (or both!).
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I know a few alcoholics who got sober for good during a good, long jail/prison term. AA brings meetings into jails. If he chooses to use his time wisely, he might not be so angry when he comes out. Up to him.
But yeah, use that time, peace, and quiet to get yourself in a good place. Life goes on, for you.
But yeah, use that time, peace, and quiet to get yourself in a good place. Life goes on, for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
One word... consequences.
Any anger that he feels ought to be directed at himself. If he can accept that his new domicile is the result of his choices, and use that to motivate different choices in the future, he has a shot at a better life. If he is unable or unwilling to accept that, he has far bigger problems than alcohol, and you would be well served to permanently sever the relationship.
Any anger that he feels ought to be directed at himself. If he can accept that his new domicile is the result of his choices, and use that to motivate different choices in the future, he has a shot at a better life. If he is unable or unwilling to accept that, he has far bigger problems than alcohol, and you would be well served to permanently sever the relationship.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
4 months last year.
8-12 months this year.
still drinking.
see the pattern?
this is a good time for you to work on severing your ties to him. it's bad enough to watch a train wreck, worse to stay ON the train.
Maybe when he gets a clear head he can examine his life with better vision and make the right choice.
change the pronoun in the above statement to "I'............
8-12 months this year.
still drinking.
see the pattern?
this is a good time for you to work on severing your ties to him. it's bad enough to watch a train wreck, worse to stay ON the train.
Maybe when he gets a clear head he can examine his life with better vision and make the right choice.
change the pronoun in the above statement to "I'............
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