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wanttobehealthy 01-08-2015 08:08 PM

Anyone had luck getting RO against an A?
My xAH/NPD is totally nuts.

And tonight he sent me 27 texts ranting at me, insulting me, demanding that I prove Im sober since Im with our kids and then telling me that our court order states he and I both MUST be sober when we are with our kids. He has been DEMANDING that I submit to a breathalyzer etc.... Oh and telling me he will "file with the court" that I would not comply with his breathalyzer demand first thing in the morning.

First, the order does not say any of that.

Second, I am sober and always am when Im with the kids and even when Im not. Years of living with a drunk have made me not enjoy drinking at all. Ever. I might have a glass of wine now and then... That's pretty much it.

Third, its not his god damn business what I do in my time in my home when Im with our kids.

He has been bailing on the kids left and right but also proceeded to send me ranting texts about how he has rehired his old lawyer and will "fight" me for interfering with his custody time.

Its total f'ing nonsense.

So I really would like a RO to stop him from contacting me. Ever.

Anyone had luck with this particularly as it relates to text messages?

Katchie 01-08-2015 08:11 PM

I'm sorry I don't have any experience in this area, but good grief!! Put a block on his stinking number and don't give that load a hooey a second of your time!! I am so sorry you're being sent such nutty stuff...hugs.

wanttobehealthy 01-08-2015 08:14 PM

He calls the kids on my cell. I do not have a home phone. So I dont know how to block his number for only certain hours. My cell carrier it is all or nothing. Ugh.

Katchie 01-08-2015 08:16 PM

Well, maybe just turn you phone off for the night, put it in a drawer, and enjoy the rest of your evening/night in peace. I hope you can find some of that peace real soon.

Seren 01-08-2015 08:21 PM

Would it be possible for you to get a land-line? Just so he can talk to the kids without calling you?

Oh, and I wish I could advise you about the RO, but I have no idea if texts are allowed as evidence, but I would hope they would be!

lillamy 01-08-2015 08:26 PM

Depends on the state, probably -- hope Lexie stops by -- in my state, they're admissible to prove harassment, threats, etc. I'm just so pissed that you don't have a good lawyer by your side who will take payment in installments. This is one of those things that my attorney just dealt with FOR ME... "Here, I've filled it out, sign on the dotted line."

I will say that magistrates and judges that hand out the ROs were very sane and fair when I dealt with them.

And, on that line -- he seems like he's cracking up totally. If you look at history, is this a time of year when he struggles? Not to get on his side of the street, but someone here told me that addicts tend to get "worse" cyclically -- and often have one or two times a year when they're more off their rocker than otherwise. I just thought if that's the case, maybe he'll settle down?

My ex had a traumatic loss in his family in November, and November was always hell with him. I think every time I called the cops on him was in November.

LemonGirl 01-08-2015 08:41 PM

Oh sweetie...... You CAN do something. Get a prepaid cell just for the kids to have phone contact with him. Then change your number and block his. Then sign up for CoFamilies and use ONLY that to communicate with him. I had to do that same thing just to get away from my ex's nonsense. To make matters worse, he submitted those texts (before I used CoFamilies) to the court as evidence to support his accusations. He sent the texts to his email and then printed them out. BUT, before be printed them, he omitted parts of the conversation, changed dates, moved parts of them around to be in a different order, and even changed words. AND THE COURTS BOUGHT IT! I got screwed! So I found "Our Family Wizard" and even paid for his account because he refused to use it! The next time he tooke to court, all I had to do was hit print! Since then, he complained that he couldn't afford the $100 per year cost of 'Our Family Wizard', so the burden was on him to find a free service. Three weeks passed and he never did. So I did. And I found CoFamili. He continuously tries to get me to talk outside of this system with him. He even used my daughters cell to communicate with me. I told him to stay off of my property so be said, " don't send your personal property then"....

Men like this will continue to use every chance and loophole just to keep us fearful of them and under their control.

So.... take control! There are solutions. Keep trying to find a probono lawyer too... I figure that even if I bury myself in debt, at least my children will be safe...

wanttobehealthy 01-09-2015 09:38 AM

Good advice on the pre paid cell...

I had a land line but it was criminally expensive and I got rid of it and cable last month to cut my bills by over $100 a month...

The pre paid cell is the way to go... Sometimes I get frazzled by his insanity and dont even think...

And Lillamy, I dont know about a time of year being worse or not for him... It's more like I think he tries to white knuckle not drinking for a day or two then goes on insane benders and that seems to be what is cyclical w him.....

Yeah, really wish I had a lawyer I could turn it all over to. I have mine still (she has not withdrawn) BUT I had nothing left to pay her once the parenting part was done and have not two nickels to rub together so a lawyer responding to his BS is out....

Carlotta 01-09-2015 01:51 PM

If your cell is an android, check out MrNumber app. It is free and you can block and unblock texts and calls.

hopeful4 01-09-2015 02:10 PM

Ugh. I would turn this over to the police and see what they have to say. I think this is harassment/stalking??

Where is Lexi!!!???

theuncertainty 01-09-2015 02:11 PM


I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that craziness. Even if you decide to not try for an RO, definitely keep those texts and document it for if/when you need to go back to court for issues related to custody and visitation.

I wasn't able to get an RO against AXH, despite the DV and SA. The magistrate said the texts that he sent me were about the pending divorce and cautioned AXH to be careful. However, his GF was able to get one against him after she kicked him out and he sent her a few texts. I'm not certain if they were similar to the ones he sent me or if he was more explicit for her. She also said she had photos, though, of injuries. So I'm not sure if her RO was granted for the harassing or threatening texts or the (more recent than mine was) DV.

I hear ya about the land line. I was paying an arm and a leg to just take calls from telemarketers. I haven't had a land line since 2008.

marie1960 01-09-2015 02:29 PM

can you turn this around and have the kids call him at a specific time? Certainly not trying to make it easy for him, or can there be a specific time he calls and talks to the kids? and if he misses that window to bad, try again tomorrow. Certainly you have enough evidence to prove harrassment.

if he don't answer that's on him, but at least you could then block his irritating azz!

LexieCat 01-09-2015 08:33 PM

Sorry, guys, I've been at a training in SC all week--just got home.

WTBH, the RO thing is a tiny bit tricky with the emails he's sending. As I recall, there is a history of violence (the incident in the parking lot comes to mind). My own suggestion would be to contact a DV advocate at your local shelter for some guidance. They probably can give you an idea whether you'd be granted an order given the history here.

In a merely acrimonious divorce, the emails he's sending could be construed as just obnoxious tit-for-tat. That usually isn't enough to get an order. Laws vary from state to state, but in my state, for example, it's necessary to show that an act of domestic violence has occurred (in this case, harassment) AND that an order is necessary to protect the victim. In other words, that it isn't just an isolated incident (or what our courts refer to as a "routine domestic contretemps") but rather part of a pattern of domestic violence/coercive control.

You might very well have enough there, especially with the history, which you MUST inform the court about at the time you apply for the order, so the calls/emails/other communication can be put in context. I think an advocate familiar with the court's practices in your jurisdiction would be in the best position to guide you. They might also be able to hook you up with an attorney for the hearing (which is HIGHLY advisable, especially if he has one).

For some guys, though, and your ex sounds like he's probably one of them, if you apply for an order and he "wins," it will only embolden him. OTOH, he seems to be the kind of idiot who would quickly violate an order, too, and a brief spell in the slammer might get him to back off. You know him better than we do.

I'd really suggest calling the shelter, though, and finding out what you can. It might help you decide whether to go forward with that, or whether to see if changing the number helps first.

wanttobehealthy 01-11-2015 12:34 PM

He is still enrolled in a court ordered batterer class due to his assault of a year ago on me.

He still has pending charges for that assault.

I could spend a lot of time and energy to assemble the evidence, try and get an order and then have to go to court in 30 days to defend it and deal with him.

I dont really know what to do...

Im generally able to just ignore him and go about my day and I think its angered him that he gets ZERO reactions from me at all...

I guess I need to think it all through...

LexieCat 01-11-2015 12:41 PM

Isn't there a no-contact condition for his probation? Even if it allows contact concerning the kids, what he is sending you isn't an essential communication regarding visitation, health concern, etc. It's just to eff with you.

If you have any doubts or concerns, I'd still run them by an advocate. Remember, they are the EXPERTS when it comes to this stuff. No need for you to struggle with thinking it through on your own--that's pretty much what they are THERE for.

wanttobehealthy 01-11-2015 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by LexieCat (Post 5131632)
Isn't there a no-contact condition for his probation? Even if it allows contact concerning the kids, what he is sending you isn't an essential communication regarding visitation, health concern, etc. It's just to eff with you.

If you have any doubts or concerns, I'd still run them by an advocate. Remember, they are the EXPERTS when it comes to this stuff. No need for you to struggle with thinking it through on your own--that's pretty much what they are THERE for.

Yes he is ONLY to contact me about the kids.... But he hasnt followed that for months and the judge has heard it and doesnt care...

LexieCat 01-11-2015 01:31 PM

Try contacting the PROSECUTOR for the pending assault charge. Forget about family court for the moment. See if the prosecutor can move to revoke bail or otherwise haul his butt back into criminal court for a chat with the CRIMINAL judge.

Maybe an additional harassment/stalking charge could be filed, too.

You gotta be the squeaky wheel here.

pixilation 01-11-2015 01:31 PM

Haven't you had a RO against him in the past? When you ended up getting arrested for knocking over the motorcycle or something like that?

pixilation 01-11-2015 01:35 PM

pixilation 01-11-2015 01:35 PM

Looks like i did have some posts mixed up there, sorry.

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