Trying to not return his calls
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Trying to not return his calls
I have received 2 calls from ex A tonight and he left voice mails, not that I can make out what he's saying he's drunk!! I know I shouldn't return his call and I shouldn't speak to him when he's drunk but I'm torn between wanting to speak to him and just ignoring him.
I know talking to someone who's drunk is pointless as they make no sense and I know when I speak to him I'm the one who ends up hurt and crying but I also want to speak to him see if he's ok or maybe my life has been so quiet recently I'm missing the drama. Don't understand why he's contacting me when he's the one who didn't want contact!!
I know talking to someone who's drunk is pointless as they make no sense and I know when I speak to him I'm the one who ends up hurt and crying but I also want to speak to him see if he's ok or maybe my life has been so quiet recently I'm missing the drama. Don't understand why he's contacting me when he's the one who didn't want contact!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
why??? he's drunk dialing. and i bet you are only one of a bunch of numbers he's dialing.
see it for what it IS butterfly. a drunk doing what drunks do. like a sloshed telemarketer. NO THANKS.
now, what were you doing before he called again??
see it for what it IS butterfly. a drunk doing what drunks do. like a sloshed telemarketer. NO THANKS.
now, what were you doing before he called again??
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Is there anyone you can call and go to a late lunch with, a movie with, dinner with, or invite over to watch some tv or just to chat? You already know its not healthy to contact him, especially if he is a nonsensical drunk. You deserve better company than that. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
so he found himself some liquid courage to drunk dial you.
remember there is about a 99% chance he won't even remember calling you, no need to keep running into that burning building after him, he is not there, but you could get hurt in the process.
remember there is about a 99% chance he won't even remember calling you, no need to keep running into that burning building after him, he is not there, but you could get hurt in the process.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: The planet Earth, or at least that's what I've been told.
Posts: 130
Butterfly -
I completely understand the internal conflict. I used to miss my ex like crazy no matter how bad things got between us.
If he's drinking, I think it's safe to assume he's not okay. But talking to you is not going to change that. If you really want to communicate your concern or feelings, why not write a letter? It's safer for you and you actually get to express yourself without being interrupted.
I completely understand the internal conflict. I used to miss my ex like crazy no matter how bad things got between us.
If he's drinking, I think it's safe to assume he's not okay. But talking to you is not going to change that. If you really want to communicate your concern or feelings, why not write a letter? It's safer for you and you actually get to express yourself without being interrupted.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 62
Originally Posted by Butterfly 
I have received 2 calls from ex A tonight and he left voice mails, not that I can make out what he's saying he's drunk!! I know I shouldn't return his call and I shouldn't speak to him when he's drunk but I'm torn between wanting to speak to him and just ignoring him.
I know talking to someone who's drunk is pointless as they make no sense and I know when I speak to him I'm the one who ends up hurt and crying but I also want to speak to him see if he's ok or maybe my life has been so quiet recently I'm missing the drama. Don't understand why he's contacting me when he's the one who didn't want contact!!
I know talking to someone who's drunk is pointless as they make no sense and I know when I speak to him I'm the one who ends up hurt and crying but I also want to speak to him see if he's ok or maybe my life has been so quiet recently I'm missing the drama. Don't understand why he's contacting me when he's the one who didn't want contact!!
It doesn't matter if he's ok. He's a grown man who needs to take responsibility for himself.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Butterfly
I often get the urge to answer AH phone calls since he has been in treatment. He was calling like 5 times a day.
I have stopped answering all except the evening phone call. It really did me good. If you look back through my posts, I was a disaster when he was calling all the time and I was answering. I've just gotten to the point where, I don't *SEE* a point. I just don't want the pain and anguish anymore and I know you don't either.
My therapist and I were talking about safety yesterday and how I behave when I'm not safe. You know what she made SURE to point out to me?
"Free, I feel safe all the time" WOW- you DO???
Yes, safety from emotional ******** IS achievable. We don't need to cry over this crap anymore. I mean, it's OK to cry...but we don't HAVE to.
Don't answer those calls!! You will find yourself very disappointed with having the SAME outcome as all the other times. Just don't do it!!!
I often get the urge to answer AH phone calls since he has been in treatment. He was calling like 5 times a day.
I have stopped answering all except the evening phone call. It really did me good. If you look back through my posts, I was a disaster when he was calling all the time and I was answering. I've just gotten to the point where, I don't *SEE* a point. I just don't want the pain and anguish anymore and I know you don't either.
My therapist and I were talking about safety yesterday and how I behave when I'm not safe. You know what she made SURE to point out to me?
"Free, I feel safe all the time" WOW- you DO???
Yes, safety from emotional ******** IS achievable. We don't need to cry over this crap anymore. I mean, it's OK to cry...but we don't HAVE to.
Don't answer those calls!! You will find yourself very disappointed with having the SAME outcome as all the other times. Just don't do it!!!
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Thank you everyone. Anvil I was actually out with a friend when I noticed the first missed call and then as I got home he rang again.
Strange thing is I have been feeling stronger lately and determined I've made a decision to seek the matrimonial agreement and move forward with my life!!
Strange thing is I have been feeling stronger lately and determined I've made a decision to seek the matrimonial agreement and move forward with my life!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by Butterfly
Thank you everyone. Anvil I was actually out with a friend when I noticed the first missed call and then as I got home he rang again.
Strange thing is I have been feeling stronger lately and determined I've made a decision to seek the matrimonial agreement and move forward with my life!!
Strange thing is I have been feeling stronger lately and determined I've made a decision to seek the matrimonial agreement and move forward with my life!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
I don't know your back story so forgive me if this doesn't apply here. You do know that you can block a number from calling you right? You won't even see them calling. I have no idea what the blocked party gets when they dial, but you never see anything. He could of course call from a different number, you can't control that. But unless he has some need to be calling you , kids etc. why even put yourself through answering or not. Just make him not appear anymore.
I have blocked my ex AGF and my brothers number. My brother has been for years. As well as e-mails. My mom finally decided to do the same with my brother about a year ago. She has been the most at peace as we have seen her in years.
P.S. We have no idea if my brother is an addict. We all do know he is an ass*ole though.
I have blocked my ex AGF and my brothers number. My brother has been for years. As well as e-mails. My mom finally decided to do the same with my brother about a year ago. She has been the most at peace as we have seen her in years.
P.S. We have no idea if my brother is an addict. We all do know he is an ass*ole though.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
My abf called 9 times last night and texted twice! However, over the past month or so I have created a new boundary by shutting my phone off at night so that I no longer concern myself with his chaos as he drinks all night. It is totally helping me stay out of that nonsensical world. It also is solidifying for me that my sleep is more valuable than whatever chaos he is going through because of his drinking. I may feel bad for him and worried, but I don't have to act on it. I didn't do it, and I can't stop it, whatever it is. Sad... Because in a normal relationship, those midnight phone-calls with worry on the other end might actually be an emergency. His emergencies have to be shut off because he is choosing them... over and over and over... Boo =(
It's normal to worry, but you don't have to make it your job to fix what he is choosing. =)
It's normal to worry, but you don't have to make it your job to fix what he is choosing. =)
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
or when you are feeling sassy, NOPE, with a bit of a "pop" sound at the end.
lmaoThat's a scream...I actually said it out loud just to see what it would sound like. Ha- I'm such a dork
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
My abf called 9 times last night and texted twice! However, over the past month or so I have created a new boundary by shutting my phone off at night so that I no longer concern myself with his chaos as he drinks all night. It is totally helping me stay out of that nonsensical world. It also is solidifying for me that my sleep is more valuable than whatever chaos he is going through because of his drinking. I may feel bad for him and worried, but I don't have to act on it. I didn't do it, and I can't stop it, whatever it is. Sad... Because in a normal relationship, those midnight phone-calls with worry on the other end might actually be an emergency. His emergencies have to be shut off because he is choosing them... over and over and over... Boo =(
It's normal to worry, but you don't have to make it your job to fix what he is choosing. =)
It's normal to worry, but you don't have to make it your job to fix what he is choosing. =)
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