Little angry about being tested
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Little angry about being tested
I'm trying not to be anxious about it..trying to take some deep breaths and find something to occupy my time and its kinda working, kinda not.
Watched my sons play an early game, the first in this tournament that ends on Saturday. He came and sat by me -- he smelled horrible and looked horrible! Said he had been up all night vomiting and with diarrhea. I know, TMI. He claimed it was because he fasted since Saturday and then had a late lunch with our eldest and his stomach didn't handle it. Ok. I wonder if its because he went cold turkey ignorantly on a water fast -- idiot -- and this is part of his detox, or...maybe drinking again since he isn't around anyone. Who knows.
Watched the game -- we won by a large margin -- yay boys! I didn't see him anywhere so I left with my neighbor to grab some lunch. While eating he calls me to say he didn't see me leave and he wanted to talk to me about his mom coming into town Friday. So I said ok. Then he asks, "what do you think we should do with mom?". I answered "We? I don't know, what are YOU going to do about your mom coming into town?". He then hum haws around...I know what he is doing, he is wanting me to tell him he can come back home while she is here so he can continue the lie to his mom that all is well and he's not an alcoholic -- she has never had a clue that he has a drinking problem and may not know that he drinks, period. She is an old southern Baptist of the don't drink don't dance type. I'm not playing that game anymore. I'm not covering and cleaning up his mess anymore. He's going to have to pull up his big boy panties and take care of this himself!!! I want no part because I didn't do this! He then says, "well, it's going to look pretty strange that I'm not staying at the house with everyone." I said, "yeah, it will." I don't budge. He goes on and says, "well, I guess I can have her stay at the hotel with me. I guess I might have to tell her whats going on." I replied with OK.
I told him this the other night when we had THE talk. I guess he hoped I didn't really mean it. I guess he hoped he could be nice for a few days and I'd change my mind and he could worm his way back into the house. Maybe if he wormed his way back in the house for the weekend, it could be permanent. NO SIREE BOB!! I'm am sick and TIRED of this crap and so are the boys! I mean, if I did all of this again, let him creep back, cover for him, lie and make nice little family as a show for his mom, I think I would lose all respect for myself and my children certainly should. I'm not going there.
I could hear the disappointment. TOO FREAKING BAD!
Just had to vent.
Watched my sons play an early game, the first in this tournament that ends on Saturday. He came and sat by me -- he smelled horrible and looked horrible! Said he had been up all night vomiting and with diarrhea. I know, TMI. He claimed it was because he fasted since Saturday and then had a late lunch with our eldest and his stomach didn't handle it. Ok. I wonder if its because he went cold turkey ignorantly on a water fast -- idiot -- and this is part of his detox, or...maybe drinking again since he isn't around anyone. Who knows.
Watched the game -- we won by a large margin -- yay boys! I didn't see him anywhere so I left with my neighbor to grab some lunch. While eating he calls me to say he didn't see me leave and he wanted to talk to me about his mom coming into town Friday. So I said ok. Then he asks, "what do you think we should do with mom?". I answered "We? I don't know, what are YOU going to do about your mom coming into town?". He then hum haws around...I know what he is doing, he is wanting me to tell him he can come back home while she is here so he can continue the lie to his mom that all is well and he's not an alcoholic -- she has never had a clue that he has a drinking problem and may not know that he drinks, period. She is an old southern Baptist of the don't drink don't dance type. I'm not playing that game anymore. I'm not covering and cleaning up his mess anymore. He's going to have to pull up his big boy panties and take care of this himself!!! I want no part because I didn't do this! He then says, "well, it's going to look pretty strange that I'm not staying at the house with everyone." I said, "yeah, it will." I don't budge. He goes on and says, "well, I guess I can have her stay at the hotel with me. I guess I might have to tell her whats going on." I replied with OK.
I told him this the other night when we had THE talk. I guess he hoped I didn't really mean it. I guess he hoped he could be nice for a few days and I'd change my mind and he could worm his way back into the house. Maybe if he wormed his way back in the house for the weekend, it could be permanent. NO SIREE BOB!! I'm am sick and TIRED of this crap and so are the boys! I mean, if I did all of this again, let him creep back, cover for him, lie and make nice little family as a show for his mom, I think I would lose all respect for myself and my children certainly should. I'm not going there.
I could hear the disappointment. TOO FREAKING BAD!
Just had to vent.
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Originally Posted by freetosmile 
Good JOB!!! I think you did AMAZING!! You really put his problems RIGHT back in HIS lap where they belong!!
I'm impressed!How do YOU feel about the conversation? I mean you must feel *alittle* proud?
I'm proud of ya!
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i'd prefer you didn't see that as a TEST...but just as how you deal with life TODAY. if we always see things as tests, we can start to feel put upon or even victimized. and you my dear are NOT a victim!
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
i'd prefer you didn't see that as a TEST...but just as how you deal with life TODAY. if we always see things as tests, we can start to feel put upon or even victimized. and you my dear are NOT a victim!
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Imagine that! He has to spend time with his "don't drink, don't dance" mama at the SAME hotel and then tell her the TRUTH! GASP!
how will he EVER get through those few days? i'm sure he is cooking up a nice victimizing story right now, embellished with nice statements about how hard it has been to be apart.
how will he EVER get through those few days? i'm sure he is cooking up a nice victimizing story right now, embellished with nice statements about how hard it has been to be apart.
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Originally Posted by Katchie
Proud? No, disgusted, honestly. I have a headache, I wanna cry, I'm angry, and could scream.
I mean, I PERSONALLY see it as victory for you. This man has been wanting back in the house for a while now and you have really stood your ground.
He really does need to deal with his mother and you know this. I'm glad you didn't let him back in the house. You are so strong. Stronger than me right now. I really admire you girlie.
I can only imagine how tough it must be to hold your ground.
Are you mad because he asked to come back and help him fake it with mom? Or are you just getting tired of having to hold your ground?
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FTS, I love your spunk! I really do!
I'm just angry at the manipulating way he went about trying to "ask" this of me. I see it as him still not really ready to recover because he is still trying to hide it and not address it. I'm just so disappointed in the man that was once my knight in shining armor and how far he has fallen. It makes me so mad!!!! This is NOT who I married 22 yrs ago! Its not! He's become somewhat pathetic and that is hard to close my eyes to. It is so grossly disappointing.
I'm just angry at the manipulating way he went about trying to "ask" this of me. I see it as him still not really ready to recover because he is still trying to hide it and not address it. I'm just so disappointed in the man that was once my knight in shining armor and how far he has fallen. It makes me so mad!!!! This is NOT who I married 22 yrs ago! Its not! He's become somewhat pathetic and that is hard to close my eyes to. It is so grossly disappointing.
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Originally Posted by Katchie
FTS, I love your spunk! I really do!
I'm just angry at the manipulating way he went about trying to "ask" this of me. I see it as him still not really ready to recover because he is still trying to hide it and not address it. I'm just so disappointed in the man that was once my knight in shining armor and how far he has fallen. It makes me so mad!!!! This is NOT who I married 22 yrs ago! Its not! He's become somewhat pathetic and that is hard to close my eyes to. It is so grossly disappointing.
I'm just angry at the manipulating way he went about trying to "ask" this of me. I see it as him still not really ready to recover because he is still trying to hide it and not address it. I'm just so disappointed in the man that was once my knight in shining armor and how far he has fallen. It makes me so mad!!!! This is NOT who I married 22 yrs ago! Its not! He's become somewhat pathetic and that is hard to close my eyes to. It is so grossly disappointing.
For me, it feels like AH was really trying to hide this monster inside himself and then just couldn't anymore and turned the beast loose!
I was steam cleaning the floor today (my puppy is a jackass who hasn't figured out the whole potty training thing. Ya like that? How I blame the PUPPY for not getting outside on time--I'm starting to sound like AH
) and I heard "let it be" by the beatles. It really spoke to my heart about letting go and in time the answer will come. Powerful stuff right there. This will pass. Just let go a little- which you DID when you held your ground (hurray) and let your HP take care of AH.
I will admit- you do sound pretty angry here lately. Maybe it's time to do something for you to bring you out of the funk a little?
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That was such a strong and powerful moment for you. I have had moments where I did not show that kind of strength and I deeply regretted it. Well done Katchie!!! I understand how it can still feel bad in the moment - for all the reasons you listed - but one of the most powerful things I learned in recovery is that sometimes even the right decisions feel bad because it is just a bad situation all the way around. Feeling bad doesn't mean the action/decision was wrong or shouldn't be taken. Sounds so simple but really - it was a huge turn around for me and got me unstuck. Your example was so perfect I did a little hell yeah fist pump in my heart for both of us. This business of dealing with life is hard but we can do it!
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Originally Posted by Katchie
FTS, I love your spunk! I really do!
I'm just angry at the manipulating way he went about trying to "ask" this of me. I see it as him still not really ready to recover because he is still trying to hide it and not address it. I'm just so disappointed in the man that was once my knight in shining armor and how far he has fallen. It makes me so mad!!!! This is NOT who I married 22 yrs ago! Its not! He's become somewhat pathetic and that is hard to close my eyes to. It is so grossly disappointing.
I'm just angry at the manipulating way he went about trying to "ask" this of me. I see it as him still not really ready to recover because he is still trying to hide it and not address it. I'm just so disappointed in the man that was once my knight in shining armor and how far he has fallen. It makes me so mad!!!! This is NOT who I married 22 yrs ago! Its not! He's become somewhat pathetic and that is hard to close my eyes to. It is so grossly disappointing.
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I'm sorry you're feeling angry/disgusted/want to scream. I understand it, but the same word came to my mind as to Lillamy 
OK, well, that for you immediately after the thought "No.... He DIDN'T just try that?! Dumb-ss" with an eyeroll-worthy-of-a-teenager for him.
Can you imagine the following days:
A. A few weeks/months/while ago when he'd pull something similar and you would have helped keep up the facade and cover the problems that arose because of his drinking.
or
C. A few weeks/months/while from now, when you'll be able to shake your head, laugh (if with a small snerk or an (only slightly) melancholy sigh), and blow off his manipulative conversation as something you don't need to feel much about at all, any more.
Huge changes! (I promise, it sounds like you're on your way to C, even if right now you don't feel it beyond the disgust or the need to scream.)
OK, well, that for you immediately after the thought "No.... He DIDN'T just try that?! Dumb-ss" with an eyeroll-worthy-of-a-teenager for him.Can you imagine the following days:
A. A few weeks/months/while ago when he'd pull something similar and you would have helped keep up the facade and cover the problems that arose because of his drinking.
or
C. A few weeks/months/while from now, when you'll be able to shake your head, laugh (if with a small snerk or an (only slightly) melancholy sigh), and blow off his manipulative conversation as something you don't need to feel much about at all, any more.
Huge changes! (I promise, it sounds like you're on your way to C, even if right now you don't feel it beyond the disgust or the need to scream.)
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