co-dependency
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co-dependency
What brought me to Al-Anon and SR? My AH for one, but not entirely; in fact, had it not been for his behavior (really bad behavior in the past) I would have never sought out help. But I should actually be thankful for fact that my AH did what he did, as twisted as that sounds. Had we not meet with a counselor that suggested AA for him and Al-Anon for me, I would have never made the connection.
Fact is, that even though my AH was the initial reason for Al-Anon I came to realize so was my mother. I need to mention that she is not an alcoholic but was raised in a very abusive alcoholic home. The stories she tells are horrific! She never sought help. It was suggested to her that she needed help and that never ended well. She is very bitter and behaves in a “childlike” manner in some situations. But it took my Al-Anon meetings to open my eyes to it, to see how sick she is and how desperately sick I have become.
I love her with all my being, but I do not want to end up bitter, nagging and controlling. I can feel myself slipping into this bad behavior and I despise it! My bad behavior impacts my entire family. Everyone suffers, the AH, me and especially the kids. My kids, my heart and soul, are the very reason I HAVE TO GET BETTER! I don’t want to spread my co-dependency any further. I hope and pray that I have the strength to stop this madness.
Fact is, that even though my AH was the initial reason for Al-Anon I came to realize so was my mother. I need to mention that she is not an alcoholic but was raised in a very abusive alcoholic home. The stories she tells are horrific! She never sought help. It was suggested to her that she needed help and that never ended well. She is very bitter and behaves in a “childlike” manner in some situations. But it took my Al-Anon meetings to open my eyes to it, to see how sick she is and how desperately sick I have become.
I love her with all my being, but I do not want to end up bitter, nagging and controlling. I can feel myself slipping into this bad behavior and I despise it! My bad behavior impacts my entire family. Everyone suffers, the AH, me and especially the kids. My kids, my heart and soul, are the very reason I HAVE TO GET BETTER! I don’t want to spread my co-dependency any further. I hope and pray that I have the strength to stop this madness.
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Location: Florida
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I feel the same way - as upset as I ever have been about my husband's drinking/behavior, without it I would NOT have entered into recovery myself. Without my recovery work I wouldn't have been able to draw firmer boundaries with my FOO & my mother wouldn't have had the chance to balk at them & end up in (very much needed) therapy herself. My relationships with my sister & friends have changed for the better as well.
I'm a much better person all around because of it.
I'm a much better person all around because of it.
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Join Date: May 2010
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Originally Posted by lillamy 
I can somewhat relate to that feeling. I grew up in a family where codependence had been handed down for two generations, and I thought that was the "normal" way to be.
My mother is the kindest and most wonderful person I have ever met. She is also the biggest codie I have ever met. It takes some work to break the chain, but I hope I am, for myself, and for my girls. I hope to get even a few of her wonderful traits and let the codie tendencies go!
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[QUOTE=hopeful4;5125012]This...me too! My mother is the kindest and most wonderful person I have ever met. She is also the biggest codie I have ever met. It takes some work to break the chain, but I hope I am, for myself, and for my girls. I hope to get even a few of her wonderful traits and let the codie tendencies go
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I remember in the beginning learning what was and what was not healthy behavior and it was shocking to me.
Imagine the heavy heart I felt when I learned that it’s ok to say NO. That it’s ok NOT to have to take care of someone who is very capable of taking care of them. That I actually had choices………..no…….none of that felt right at all. As a matter of fact it felt cold and hurtful and unloving.
So grateful I chose to open up my mind and not only learn but apply what I was learning.
Imagine the heavy heart I felt when I learned that it’s ok to say NO. That it’s ok NOT to have to take care of someone who is very capable of taking care of them. That I actually had choices………..no…….none of that felt right at all. As a matter of fact it felt cold and hurtful and unloving.
So grateful I chose to open up my mind and not only learn but apply what I was learning.
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