freetosmile

So, I got the 7 page letter from AH today. I happen to be going to therapy, so the timing was perfect. He actually didn't send the first two pages (I know this because he numbered the pages)...and the rest was about how blessed he was to have me in his life and thanks for supporting him and being a good mother. He also said he realized that he was both physically and emotionally abusive and he didn't want to live in that dysfunction anymore. He said it was exactly the way he "didn't want to be" and that he was as far from God as ever.

I felt like thanking him for taking out the first two pages and then just stopped myself in that line of thinking. He has probably given himself a thousand brownie points for "being so kind" anyway. So no, I will not thank him. The words were kind, however.

He also has not called at all today. I'm not going to get myself worked up over the recent kindness because I've been reading about abuse cycles and this is just another part of it. But I'm not going to discredit it either. I'm just going to chalk it up to "well that was nice" and leave it at that. No false hope of turning over a new leaf or anything.

Did my moral inventory today. Actually went REALLY well. My T is the bomb. We prayed on it and I will pray some more about it. Turns out FTS isn't such a bad person after all.

CodeJob

FTS. Your Goodness sort of leaps of the page here on SR. Just so you know...

hopeful4

FTS, the healing I see in your posts are amazing. You are doing great. I am happy you found a T you connect with!

XXX

Katchie

The sound you have looks good on you...hugs!

Fandy

I am happy for you too.
and psssst, newsflash!

You should EXPECT to be treated with respect and kindness by your spouse...Always!

a good therapist helps us get over the hurdles and grow into self esteem, confident person...and see yourself as such. (this is what happened to me anyway).

Refiner

Wow no "first 2 pages" now? Have you spoken to a T from there to let them know of his controlling ways from there? I wonder if the T was in on that letter or if he chose to not send those 2 pages.

Carlotta

The rehab might also be looking through his outgoing mail and might have censored it.
I am so glad that your therapist appointment went well and that you realize that you are a good person.

amy55

I was having problems wrapping my head around this one. Need to say that I had to read it several time. OK, he left out the 2 pages that would have really blamed you for everything. Was it the T that stopped this, or was it because he needed to bring on the next hoover? (For anyone who does not know what a hoover attempt is, it's like sucking you back in with a big vacuum).

I'm really glad that you had a really good appointment with your therapist. I think you are doing terrific, and did I tell you today that I think you are terrific????

I can't and won't say that his niceness in that letter is legit or not. He may be truthful , or he may just be truthful enough so that he can get what he wants, or maybe it's his new tactic.

Sometimes I don't even know if the word tactic covers things. I think that sometimes what they are saying is what they mean, but I also think that is just a fleeting moment, and it only covers their feelings and not yours. I also think that perhaps that is why it is so hard for us to understand this. We see that little boy in them begging for help and we want to love them, and then they turn into the monster from hell.

Always with you
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
amy

freetosmile

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freetosmile

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freetosmile

Oh no, as I suspected, he wanted me to KNOW that he took the first two pages out. He said so on the phone last night. I did talk with him but really quickly handed the phone over to the kids.

He stated that he took them out because it was pointless, especially since I thought that I have done nothing wrong.

I did NOT thank him for sparing me the emotional berating. I just said, oh yeah I noticed some pages were missing.
This dude is weird. Seriously.

FireSprite

Well, how GENEROUS of him to not throw more BS at you; more manipulation from an Asshat.

However..... YOU saw right through it & that's what is really important here. How long do you have before he's released to go home?

hopeful4

So that progress you think he may be making, keep in your mind that....maybe not. Rehab can do a lot of things, but it cannot change anyone's personality.

Hugs. Your eyes are opening, and for that I am relieved.

Refiner

Why is this not even surprising. Once again, he's IN CONTROL and passive-aggressively bashing you.

You did good.

FireSprite

Ok, that was a better way to say it than the way I worded it, lol.

freetosmile

he comes home on the 21st. So I still have some time.

Yes, my eyes are beginning to open here. My al-anon meeting was great last night. AND the great news about this is that I talked to AH BEFORE I left for the meeting and did not tell him I was going, even when he asked what I was gonna do for the night.

This sounds pretty lame, but it's a BIG victory for me because I have always felt so compelled to tell him EVERYTHING I'm doing so he doesn't think I'm off running around with every man I see.

So, while it is a small victory in the grand scheme of things, it keeps me going right now.

hopeful4

All of those small things start adding up to really big changes my friend. I am so glad you went and that it was good!

XXX