GracieLou

Morals - a person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do.

It was acceptable for me at the time because of my perception of the situation. I had terminal uniqueness. I could, in my head, justify and rationalize everything I did or did not do. A sane person would look at me like I am crazy but to me it was perfectly legit. They were legit because I was an active alcoholic. They are not legit today because I am sober!

I would not have done many of the things I have done over my lifetime if I had not been under the influence of alcohol at the time. There are people that never drink a drop in their lives and do the things I have done, for them, maybe a moral issue. I could not see that the drinking was the cause of these actions. My life was filled with people doing the same actions and the people that were not were just trying to tell me how to live my life. I didn't understand that what I was doing was insane. It is called denial for a reason.

I don't drink anymore. With the drink went the stealing, lying and cheating. I am not that person anymore. Today I am sane.

So judging a person on their morals when they are sick does not equal judging a person on their morals when they are sane. Even sane people can justify their actions if they really want to.

This does not excuse the behavior in any way. I am not looking for a pass or a get out of moral jail free card but I do have to move on. I don't regret the past nor do I wish to shut the door on it.

I can't live with the regrets on a daily basis. I have them, we all do but they would eat me alive emotionally and cause me to drink again so I had to let go and look at myself how I am today but I also have to leave the door open so I can help others.

The basis of AA is one alcoholic helping another. I can't do that if I slam the door shut and pretend it never happened but I don't have to beat myself about the head with it everyday either.