Sick of it!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
This is a great topic. What interests me about it is that as I become more educated with alcoholism and abuse, the more sick of it I become. And I think it might be because my *fear* of leaving is subsiding a little and I'm gaining courage and a little confidence,which only fuels my "sick of it".
So the more "sick of it's" I have, the braver I get. Just being able to *recognize* that it is typical A behavior and really has NOTHING to do with you means a lot.
So the more "sick of it's" I have, the braver I get. Just being able to *recognize* that it is typical A behavior and really has NOTHING to do with you means a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Sometimes it helps me to turn the negative around and make it into a positive. Then I quit tying myself to the addicts unhealthy behavior and my "required" responses to keep the peace, and start imagining what I really what in my life.
So sick of telling him what a great job he's doing and how proud I am of him. Like I'm supposed to worship the ground he walks on now just becuase he doesn't yell at me (as often or as intensely) anymore and doesn't call me names and tell me what a disappointment I am and doesn't spend all his money at the bar and cheat on me (that I know of). "Great job Honey!!"
Change it to something like "I want to be with someone who takes personal accountability for behaving in a reasonable, mature, and normal manner. I want to be with someone who enjoys me and values me, and actively works to building a trusting relationship where we are both happy, comforted, and secure". And define what "reasonable, mature and normal" means to you and what it doesn't. For example, "yelling at me is not a conflict resolution tactic that works with or for me. I want to hear your problems with me in a reasonable discussion that gives us a chance to work out what is wrong and agree upon a solution. "
Or "I want someone who accepts the consequences of their bad behavior and deals with it without expecting me to deal with it for them. "
For example, losing a drivers license in a DUI means that he works out alternative transportation for himself. Gets a bicycle. Car pools. Takes the bus. Saves money for a taxi. Respects that YOU didn't lose HIS drivers license, and doesn't ask you to short your work time. Only kids get a free ride to school.
Allow yourself to look at what you really DO want.
Then compare that to what you have.
Then find a way to try to express the ground rules of what it will take to have a healthy relationship with your partner.
Then see if he agrees and if he will actually work toward whatever you both mutually agree is a satisfying and happy relationship.
Give it enough time to see if there is progress or not. And then make your decision.
We all get to live the life we want. If we choose it.
ShootingStar1
So sick of telling him what a great job he's doing and how proud I am of him. Like I'm supposed to worship the ground he walks on now just becuase he doesn't yell at me (as often or as intensely) anymore and doesn't call me names and tell me what a disappointment I am and doesn't spend all his money at the bar and cheat on me (that I know of). "Great job Honey!!"
Change it to something like "I want to be with someone who takes personal accountability for behaving in a reasonable, mature, and normal manner. I want to be with someone who enjoys me and values me, and actively works to building a trusting relationship where we are both happy, comforted, and secure". And define what "reasonable, mature and normal" means to you and what it doesn't. For example, "yelling at me is not a conflict resolution tactic that works with or for me. I want to hear your problems with me in a reasonable discussion that gives us a chance to work out what is wrong and agree upon a solution. "
Or "I want someone who accepts the consequences of their bad behavior and deals with it without expecting me to deal with it for them. "
For example, losing a drivers license in a DUI means that he works out alternative transportation for himself. Gets a bicycle. Car pools. Takes the bus. Saves money for a taxi. Respects that YOU didn't lose HIS drivers license, and doesn't ask you to short your work time. Only kids get a free ride to school.
Allow yourself to look at what you really DO want.
Then compare that to what you have.
Then find a way to try to express the ground rules of what it will take to have a healthy relationship with your partner.
Then see if he agrees and if he will actually work toward whatever you both mutually agree is a satisfying and happy relationship.
Give it enough time to see if there is progress or not. And then make your decision.
We all get to live the life we want. If we choose it.
ShootingStar1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
"And I think it might be because my *fear* of leaving is subsiding a little and I'm gaining courage and a little confidence,which only fuels my "sick of it"."
Yes! That's how I'm feeling lately too. And it feels good to know that I am beginning to accept that I don't have to stay with him and keep putting up with his bad behavior just because it's not as bad as it was when he was drinking. I don't owe him anything just because he is not drinking. And I will survive.
Yes! That's how I'm feeling lately too. And it feels good to know that I am beginning to accept that I don't have to stay with him and keep putting up with his bad behavior just because it's not as bad as it was when he was drinking. I don't owe him anything just because he is not drinking. And I will survive.
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