Butterfly

I have 2 options I can file for a divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour but that means going through all the issues and difficulties and recording it in a statement, he may get angry and contest the divorce under those grounds, costing me more money and he may not agree to the terms and could force me to sell my home, become nasty.

or

I could file a matrimonial agreement which he signs and protect me and my kids financially, I keep my house he keeps his, he continues to provide financial support for DS until he finishes education, that is all I want and after 2 years separation we divorce it's a matter of rubber stamping it. This would protect him from coming after mine and the kids home should he lose his job, flat and come looking for me to sell the house. I don't want his pension even though mine will be a lot less as I was at home looking after the kids until about 8 years ago and started a pension and I don't want his savings or flat.

I know he has previously said he doesn't want the house but do I take that risk that in 2 years time his car U stances won't have changed DS will be 18 and he could force me to sell?

I'm not sure I'm ready for a complete divorce yet, I don't know if I'm strong enough, yes I've one foot in the past and I'm dipping my toes into the future (as I was told previously on this forum, I love that saying). There are days when I want it done and over with, out of my life so I can put him behind me then there are other days I feel weak and think what if? I know I can't live in a world of what if's and hoping he will come to his senses and I think less and less like that these days.

I just don't know if I'm ready for divorce yet, I know I am getting their but I do know I need to protect my kids and my future financially and not just trust what he has said, let's face it his words are meaningless!!

maia1234

Butterfly, Good for you for doing your homework, make sure you get what is legally yours. Make sure you use mediation or an attorney.

I walked away with nothing extra. We split everything equally - debt and equity. He kept on quacking on alimony so I told him forget it. I gave him 4,000 for down payment on a car. So I really got scrxwed. But I really don't care. I don't have to worry about a payment from him and I feel that he got the short end of the stick.

He has a terrible disease that one day will kill him. He has to live with that every day. I don't have to watch it.

I know you are afraid of divorce and might not be ready. There is no law that says, if he gets sober and his act together that you can't get back together. What you are doing might be the only thing that will kick him is the xss to get well. You never know. All I know is that 2 years separated and he hasn't done anything yet, not sure what you are waiting for. I don't mean to be mean, but not sure what waiting a week, a month or 6 months will change anything.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Butterfly

Thanks Maia we have been separated nearly 10 months, if I don't file under unreasonable behaviour I would have to wait 2 years before a divorce could be filed but it would be an admin issue and straight forward if he signs the matrimonial agreement now.

hopeful4

I had basically the same options. Here in my state in the US I could go for an at fault divorce which would have possibly gotten me future alimony and a bit more favor financially, or keep the peace, not take risks with my house, and speed it up.

I opted for the second option. Some people think that is not a smart way to go, but I do think it is. My X is a narcissist. Had I went through an at fault divorce he would have fought me and dragged it out forever. I knew I did not want that. I also knew I had to get him to agree quick so I could get him to sign off on our house, which he did.

I have no regrets.

Butterfly

Yeah hopeful I don't think ex A would accept a fault divorce he never accepted responsibility for anything while he was at home it was always everyone else's fault and he could turn nasty I don't want this dragged out for years in court.

maia1234

B- To be honest with you, I don't even know what my divorce was. I am assuming since we used mediation that it was a no fault. I do take 50% of the responsibility with my divorce. I could have stayed on my side of the street better. But it really didn't matter as I didn't get any money anyway.

Take your time and make sure that you feel you are doing the best thing for you, so you don't have any regrets.