jpenny

Well today is the day! My AH is coming home and he sounds really ready. He checked himself in before the holidays and it has been pretty hard on me and the kids to not have him here. He did it because he loves us and wants to live a healthy life. The kids are 7 and 5 so they think he was away on business but it was still hard for them to have him be gone for their entire holiday. I was not aware of his drinking prior to him leaving, he was never mean and we haven't faced any hardships due to his drinking. It was quite a shock and I know that he and I have a lot to work through. Not only do we have to change our lifestyle, we have to repair the trust and lack of communication that he could let it get to this point without telling me, his best friend. He sounds really positive and has all his meetings planned. I am going to take it one day at time and use the support here and at Al-Anon to get through this. Thanks for listening. Any helpful hints on what to do/not do would be greatly appreciated. I have already made our home a safe place with no alcohol/drugs.

dandylion

jpenny.....what kind of support system to you have for yourself? It seems that those who have their own separate programs (simultaneously) can navigate the adjustments of that frequently rocky 1st year (at least) of early recovery.

Do not be surprised if he is not exactly the same person that he was when he left.

dandylion

lillamy

I was thinking the same thing Dandylion did -- and it sounds like you are already prepared with your own support, yes? If you read through posts here, it seems like a lot of spouses feel kind of lonely when their A comes back from rehab. They're focused on meetings and working recovery -- which is hard grueling work -- and the spouse at home has missed them and wants to have their life back.

Al-Anon helped me a lot, so I'm glad you have that support.

CodeJob

Hi JPenny,

Good luck. Be patient with yourself and your RAH. Early recovery is really rocky. Did H tell you where he was stashing stuff for you to clear it out? Since he was secretive, there could very well be stuff all over you have no idea about.

jpenny

I appreciate all the feedback! I am also going to see a therapist alone and with my Husband. I do have a lot of friends and family support as well as the Al-anon. And I teach religious ed at the church and the ladies there are so great and want to help... I almost feel overwhelmed with help and little talked out at the moment! The most helpful support is here with people who have been through it before.
I did find the secret stashes... they were all empty bottles though! Pretty disturbing to not know those were even there! Even when I knew I would find them.. it just made it more real....
Dandylion... I am most scared of your last comment... I know he will not be exactly the same person.

dandylion

jpenny.....I didn't mean to scare you! I just think that you will be better prepared if you know what to expect...to keep you from being bumswaggled, you know....

The reason that I said what I did was this: When a person is being controlled by the disease.....they are not in complete touch with themselves. They deal with their emotions by eliminating them...by numbing them with alcohol. When they have to deal with emotions and feelings that they may not have dealt with for years...it can be overwhelming and confusing to the alcoholic. Even, seemingly simple things. They often don't recognize or trust what they feel...and do not have the ability to regulate these emotions...especially, at first. The world may look very different to them when they are not looking through the filter of alcoholism, any longer.
Being sober is just one beginning step in the whole process of recovery.

It does sound like you have a ton of support...so, it follows that you will be able to rise to any challenges that may arise. Even so..I think it does help for you to have an understanding of what early recovery looks like. Knowledge is power.

Just take it a day at a time......LOL!

dandylion

knowthetriggers

I wish you and your family all the best. Best suggestion I could give is to stay focused on YOUR program!

Lakedays

Make honesty a priority and I am glad your spouse is willing to go to joint counseling. It's a long road back to trust ... especially when you feel blindsided by the results. Try to not be a constant temperature taker and take care of YOU and the kids. While they are young, I will still ask that you work with your therapist on how best to deal with the questions they are sure to have. No one likes to be lied to, not even children who likely know a lot more than youre giving them credit for regardless.