Katchie

I took steps and contacted a lawyer to see what a legal separation and divorce would look like and I'm really disheartened by the whole thing. It appears alcoholism over 12+ years only matters when we are talking about the children's living arrangements and visitation, which because of their age they would have say so in that matter. Other than that, alimony for an extremely seems minimal over a limited period of time and everything in my separate accounts could still be considered marital property. The only things not considered marital property is inheritance. It can provide protections from stupid drunken tricks like injuring someone in a drunken accident, but that's about it. She did advise putting assets in a trust to protect us both. I just really went away from that meeting not feeling real good about any option.

hopeful4

Ugh, I am sorry Katchie.

Let me ask you a question. How much do you trust this attorney? Sometimes they just throw out what they normally agree with, not wanting to put in the effort for a fight. Others will stick in their heels and give it a true go. You may want another opinion. I will say that I had an account in my name only that I was putting my own salary into. I quickly closed that account and went to cash only for a while. It may be wrong, but it was to protect myself and my kids from my X having access to money I was working hard for.

lillamy

Nothing wrong with a second opinion. Like hopeful said -- you may find someone who's outraged enough about your situation that they're willing to put up a fight for you. (((hugs)))

9111111

Agreeing with the others - there's never enough lawyers to talk, and opinions to listen to.

What I find more important though, is that you made the first step and got yourself an appointment. Legal stuff can be so draining and daunting, but once you start getting used to it, and maybe see it more as a challenge than as a threat it gets easier.

Hang in there, and congrats for taking your life back step by step

9111111

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marie1960

Don't know to many people who actually end up in a better financial situation immediately following a divorce. If you consider you are dividing your assests usually in half, the loss of the other person's income and the possibility of assuming 50% of the debt, it's doesn't paint a real pretty picture.

I agree with the others get a second opinion, I had to decide what was most important to me/and my kids, did I really need to stay in our marital home, could I afford to stay in our home, did I want to even stay in our marital home......... lots to decide, and lots of compromise, and I can say it won't always seem/be fair.

Divorce is a legal term for I am giving up my comforts, 50% of my/our stuff, and life as I know it, because this relationship is no longer working.

perhaps you need a few days to let what the lawyer said sink in, make that priority list, and reach out to another lawyer and see what they have to offer.

Don't give up on yourself here, it's not going to be easy, but where there is a will, there is a way.

redatlanta

Since most States came up with "No Fault Divorce" this is the way it is.

I'm sure this is startling. Alimony is not given often, and not given for long. Seems that most of the time they just split everything down the middle. In my State they could careless about infidelity or anything like that. Its still split down the middle.

Hopefully Shootingstar1 will pop by. I know her divorce involved much financially and Amy55 as well. Might be able to give you some advice and support. I haven't been through it.

((((hugs)))) and sorry you are feeling that there isn't a good option. I believe there is a good option but you are just going to need some time to digest everything.

Hawkeye13

This is a very wise and memorable quote.

I agree with the second opinion, and I would be stashing some cash to be on the safe side just in case.

Well done for checking on this. I know it wasn't easy for you to do it.

Hammer

Katchie.

This is not a money problem.

So there is not likely a money solution.

Be glad about that.

This is God-Sized problem in your life.

So it likely a "walk by faith" thing.

[for the folks who do not know the rest of that it goes: "Walk by faith, not by sight." ]

Need something? Pray for Manna.

The Heavens will open.

[and for the folks who do (yet) know about Manna >>> Manna - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ]

Katchie

Thanks you all. The prospects, no lie, terrify me and have given me a day long headache.
I will be sure to call another attorney tomorrow. I just felt like the wind was sucked out of me and things do seem so unfair. But, I guess we don't live in a fair world, huh..

I also called career services with the Cherokee Nation and was pleasantly surprised at the services they offer to people trying to get on their feet. They do job training and placement. They also have emergency services for women worried about their personal safety, which I'm not, but it was nice to know. They will give you emergency housing, money, food, and even free representation and counseling if you are abused. I never knew that and was glad to hear they really take care of tribal ladies in trouble. I have personally never used their medical services before, but witnessed how it works when my mother needed them in 2011 and was pleasantly surprised at the good service. That was the 1st time our family has ever used the nations medical. Those things combined do give me comfort.
Hammer, you're absolutely right, I know I need to have more faith than I've displayed today with all my fear. I know if he takes care of the birds, He will certainly care for me, too. Thank you for that reminder, I needed it.

CodeJob

Hello Katchie,

I'm sorry you were disappointed about the realities of divorce.

However, you Cherokee Nation benefits?! Not too many people have that!

Katchie

Yes, there are tribal benefits, but my grandparents didn't believe in using them. It wasn't until I graduated that my grandmother finally put all of us on roll. Having anything to do with tribal was a dirty word to my grandpa. It's all a learning experience.

CodeJob

Kachie,

There's been previous threads about pride keeping people from using benefits they may need when restarting a life.

Maybe this decision was made by your grandmother as a powerful gift. A way she could protect you in the future with access to services. The attitude of your grandfather does not have to be your attitude.

lillamy

That is fantastic! I don't know much about tribal benefits in general, but one of my best friends is Alaska Native and especially her health benefits are excellent.

And forget grandpa's attitude. There's a reason these programs are available, and I really hope you make use of them as you need to!

Katchie

Ok...so...Cherokee Nation career services...ugh. Looks like it is mostly casino jobs, who would've thunk it! I never step foot in casinos!

Here is what I see. I separate. I get menial low level job. Husband makes bookoos of $$ and lives high on the hog in the home I renovated while my living standard sinks to nil. It really p*sses me off.

I think I need to keep hunting. At least thru the nation there is pretty good healthcare should I need it.

Just ranting...I'll get over it.

lillamy

You can't put a price tag on peace of mind, friend. I went from a fancy house in the suburbs to an apartment where there were gang shootings in my driveway, and I was SO much happier.

CodeJob

Katchie, Your H is drinking at work, right? His days are numbered.

ladyscribbler

Hugs Katchie. That stuff you're worried about is a starting point, not your destiny. I had to move my kids in with my mom when I first left my ex, while he stayed in the house that I worked to fix up.
It took time, but I've landed on my feet, found a rental house, am saving up to buy a place, writing a novel (if I can stop diddling around on SR, lol). Life is good. I have my veteran's benefits and my crummy part time job and my peaceful, loving home and my serenity.
Yeah he might have the sweet life for a bit, but alcoholism doesn't discriminate based on income or anything else. He drinks at work. He drinks and drives. It's only a matter of time.
My ex can't even hold down a part time job. He lives with his auntwife in a trailer with a wooden outhouse. Lots of other members have similar stories, exes who are now living with parents or literally homeless sleeping in their cars.