I'm glad I didn't hold my breath!

Old 01-04-2015, 07:19 PM
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I'm glad I didn't hold my breath!

How did I know? And everyone else know? He said he wouldn't drink for a week, and that's exactly what he did. He got two 40's after work tonight. He said 'I made it a week for you.' I came back with 'it wasn't a week for me, it was for you.' I didn't fight about it, and I feel like I handled it pretty good. I'm going to keep going to alanon and healing myself, I've been getting a lot out of the daily readings already, and really trying to practice what they are talking about everyday!

Something I'm kind of puzzled by, though, is that other than insomnia, he had no other withdrawl symptoms. So I wonder if he even went the whole week without drinking? I guess it's not my problem, but it still just seems not quite right for the amount of alcohol he drinks. Hmmmm.....
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Old 01-04-2015, 07:40 PM
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Mimi....I think you really are o n the right track. You have your focus on yourself....you are "enlightened" enough to stay inside your own hula hoop.
This keeps you safely disentangled from his internal battles.

If you could look inside his head--you would probably see an emotional tornado going on in there! A 24/7 war between his "alcoholic voice" and himself. I think he has performed a great drama this week---trying to prove (to himself) and you that he can control his drinking. After all, any recovering alcoholic will probably tell you that the fondest wish of the alcoholic is to be able to drink "normally"--like non-alcoholics.
Who knows what he really did this week
....maybe he did sip some on the side....maybe he did feel more miserable than he let you know...maybe, he even got hold of some drugs that quell withdrawl symptoms.....
But--you are right--it doesn't matter....not in the big picture.
He probably thinks that he has got this thing "licked".....and, proven you "wrong".

In the big picture...the Universe will inform him. He is best left to discover all that he needs to know on his own....

All the while...you stay safely out of firing range within you own program.....GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Old 01-04-2015, 07:52 PM
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Thanks dandylion! I wanted to yell and scream, but I told myself to detach, detach, detach!! It'll just get better as I keep going!! Thank you everyone here for all of the support so far as well!
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Old 01-04-2015, 09:16 PM
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I don't think that withdrawal symptoms are a given - when my AH was hospitalised he said they were watching him for symptoms, but he never displayed any (and I guess I would have seen had he suffered them as I was in daily). This is a guy who drinks maybe a dozen stubbies or more a night (not that I count ) (not sure of the US equivalent - a stubby is a 375ml bottle, and his beer of choice is 4.9% alcohol)
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Old 01-05-2015, 05:23 AM
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As a binge drinker, I could go weeks or months even without drinking.
I didn't have withdrawal symptoms for many many years but I did have a problem.

Always went back, however, until I quit for good.

It doesn't really mean much to "quit" for a week in my book for that reason.
I had no symptoms when I'd stop, but nothing had really changed underneath.
The long-term issues were still there.

Good job detaching
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Old 01-05-2015, 05:48 AM
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Thanks hawkeye! I guess I was thinking he was going to have horrible withdrawl, but when I think about it, he used to binge on weekends, but not drink *as much* during the week. I really had little to no expectations of him going longer than the week he promised. And I definitely wouldn't even say he quit for a week...he just didn't drink for a week because he said he wouldn't.
He was almost late for work today, which never happens. His alarm was going off but the volume was way down, so I snoozed it and turned it up a couple notches because I wanted to get more sleep and I couldn't if his alarm kept going. But the next time it went off he didn't wake up either, so I kicked him lol. I acted like I was sleeping. Haha I was almost hoping he would be late though.
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:05 AM
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I expect it was more about 'proving' to himself that he can control it than showing you.

I was a daily drinker to black out and pass out. When I quit withdrawals were like a mild flu for about four days. Far less than I expected. It varies a lot.

However, the killer hard part is the mental BATTLE going on 24/7 in your brain. I expect knowing he had a set time to do, he could white knuckle it through but no way would have been able to keep it going. It is mental agony!

As drinkers we will go to any lengths to prove to ourselves that we don't need to quit. We do! Desperately. But we don't want to see that.

My AH does similar 'games' to this. Is all to fool himself. Best thing to do is detach and let him get on with it. Focus on yourself and your life. This is what I do and it works.
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:48 AM
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You know what that week meant right?

HE's NOT AN ALCOHOLIC!

That's all it was about. Quackity quack quack quack.

A disease that thrives on denial. Now he has to make up for lost time you know that week of not drinking = permission to drink MORE.
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Old 01-05-2015, 01:46 PM
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Ya he was kind of a jerk, but was at work most of the time so I never really had to deal with it. I knew he was quacking lol. The kicker is, my mom is probably his biggest enabler. I was telling her this morning i am working on detachment and boundaries, and she turned on me and somehow got on the subject that I used to drink a lot. Ya, when I was in college. 5 years ago. I can count on one hand the times I've had more than one or two drinks in the last 3 years! I've never had an issue with alcohol, I went through my party stage and then I was done.
I just can't believe she acted like I can't be upset or want him to change because I married him and went through a 2 year party stage!!! Ugh!!! One Day at a Time.
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