I gave in and I'm finally reading THE book.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 90
I gave in and I'm finally reading THE book.
He warned me about being close to him, that he's selfish and he hurts people. Heck, I was even friends with his previous ex girlfriends and saw his destruction first hand. But I fell for him anyways. He was sober 3 months and getting better everyday. He treated me SO well, I treated him SO well, and we were SO happy in this new friendship / relationship.
But then I think that whole "pink cloud" thing wore off. Because one day, out of literally nowhere, I got attacked. Not physically of course, but one wrong comment and we fought for 3 months. Hurtful words, the silent treatment, the cold shoulder. I did EVERYTHING to "fix it" and make it better because it was my fault. He had done nothing wrong, it was all my fault. Eventually I apologized. I don't really know what I was apologizing for, but I apologized.
Everyone warned me not to because he was manipulating me and I had nothing to be sorry for, but I didn't care because I just wanted him back in my life. I wanted things to be the way they were.
Everyone on these boards kept telling me to look up the word "codependent." And I did but to be honest, I thought it was kind of insulting. I didn't want to labeled as codependent so I went about my business as usual. This year has been a roller coaster that is for sure because the good moments have come...and gone...and come again...and gone yet again.
I was thinking to myself how bad this year SUCKED and I was more than ready for it be over. The holidays were almost miserable and I am someone who absolutely loves this time of year (winter and all!). So one day I went to the bookstore to buy a book I had been looking for, and damn it if I didn't get sucked in to that place but I spent an hour (and $100 later) looking at the shelves of books. I found myself sitting on the floor in the recovery section. And there it was. THE book. "Codependent No More." I thought what the hell, if I don't like it then I don't have to finish it or anything. And you know what, I really like it. And I feel at peace for the first time in a year. I realize I am a codependent. And so is he. He is a codependent in his own way. And even though he is recovering, he is still an alcoholic. So the point is, don't be ashamed of it or afraid of it. If you love someone with an addiction, it will help both YOU and THEM. I'm excited to see what happens in the next few months. It's hard to not think or wonder about what's going to happen next month, or next week, or even tomorrow. But it can't be worse than the agonizing, anxiety filled year I have had.
But then I think that whole "pink cloud" thing wore off. Because one day, out of literally nowhere, I got attacked. Not physically of course, but one wrong comment and we fought for 3 months. Hurtful words, the silent treatment, the cold shoulder. I did EVERYTHING to "fix it" and make it better because it was my fault. He had done nothing wrong, it was all my fault. Eventually I apologized. I don't really know what I was apologizing for, but I apologized.
Everyone warned me not to because he was manipulating me and I had nothing to be sorry for, but I didn't care because I just wanted him back in my life. I wanted things to be the way they were.
Everyone on these boards kept telling me to look up the word "codependent." And I did but to be honest, I thought it was kind of insulting. I didn't want to labeled as codependent so I went about my business as usual. This year has been a roller coaster that is for sure because the good moments have come...and gone...and come again...and gone yet again.
I was thinking to myself how bad this year SUCKED and I was more than ready for it be over. The holidays were almost miserable and I am someone who absolutely loves this time of year (winter and all!). So one day I went to the bookstore to buy a book I had been looking for, and damn it if I didn't get sucked in to that place but I spent an hour (and $100 later) looking at the shelves of books. I found myself sitting on the floor in the recovery section. And there it was. THE book. "Codependent No More." I thought what the hell, if I don't like it then I don't have to finish it or anything. And you know what, I really like it. And I feel at peace for the first time in a year. I realize I am a codependent. And so is he. He is a codependent in his own way. And even though he is recovering, he is still an alcoholic. So the point is, don't be ashamed of it or afraid of it. If you love someone with an addiction, it will help both YOU and THEM. I'm excited to see what happens in the next few months. It's hard to not think or wonder about what's going to happen next month, or next week, or even tomorrow. But it can't be worse than the agonizing, anxiety filled year I have had.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
I have loved my AH for 18 plus years. Sometimes it is good and sometimes it is rocky. We both have issues! This was a fantastic read for me as well, because like you things were awesome until the bottom fell out. But we have managed all these years. I have learned to love with detachment and see my AH as a wonderful person and very caring person...he just suffers from a disease....a disease I absolutely despise. Nothing is easy with an A so hold hold on for the ride!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 90
I think one of the reasons I was afraid to read this book or admit this problem was because I didn't want to stop loving him. I realize it doesn't mean I have to stop loving him, it just means I have to be my own complete person and he has to be his. Right now things are not good and it sucks. He knows I care about him and his family. I did what I could. Forcing him to communicate with me, be with me, or to "fix it" will only make it worse for us all.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
