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Old 01-05-2015, 09:03 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
Our exes seem to be very similar in this. I don't know if that's alcoholism or NPD, but any effort I made was turned against me, too -- thus my (somewhat angry) advice...

Yes, the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished" has NEVER rung more true than with my xNPD/AH...

He actually screamed at me at one point this weekend that I need to "detach" (his belief is that I am "jealous" he was with his girlfriend and that the kids weren't at all upset by his blowing them off) and then demanded that I remind him of his parenting time.

I just laughed at the absurdity of those statements.
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:09 AM
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It is so absurd.

I know I cannot believe my X thinks that I should "remind" him of anything. Nope, no thanks.
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:09 AM
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I wouldn't keep his appointments for him either.

He tends to "hang" himself over time.

Let him file his motion, keep No Contact as possible, and
eventually he will screw up more, or lose interest in parenting
as he moves into full-blown addict mode with new GF

He's his own worst enemy in terms of credability anyway. . .
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:21 AM
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He takes the cake I have never read of someone filing as much crap as this sucker does! Good grief. I don't really think he stands a chance in hell of getting you for contempt.
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:21 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
To be entirely honest I haven't set up a shared Google calendar bc I don't particularly want to set myself up to be responsible for making sure I enter everything.
The only thing I put on my google calendar was his visitation weekends/days and who had them for the holidays based on the schedule. I added a link to the guidelines we used (or scanned in a copy - can't remember now).

I had a separate email that contained every bit of contact information he needed to get the rest of the information if he wanted it. I sent it every time he asked a question about school or sports or babysitters or a ton of other stuff he didn't give a damn about but wanted to run me around. It also had the link to the calendar.

Covered my bases and I did not have to say one extra word.

I would not get into a conversation with him about the kids being disappointed or what is best for them. Nothing you can say is going to impact that situation or his understanding in any way. It will just make you crazy and feed his need to argue with and demean you. Is there a way you can just not talk to him and communicate by email or text so you can delete away all the crazy and only respond with the facts in as few a words as possible?

That worked for me but my ex wasn't quite as difficult as yours. When I did pick up or drop off he would not start in on me as long as I didn't speak to or respond to him so I just got the kids dressed and got the hell out of there! He is gone gone gone now. He would scream at me for hours on the phone though in front of the kids (when he had them) so I learned to say good bye and hang up.
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:37 AM
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My ex used to e-mail me and ask me "what does the custody order say about [insert question here]?"

Because, you know, I had the ONLY COPY... right?
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:45 AM
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My X tried to convince me that his copy of our SIGNED DIVORCE DECREE, that was mailed to both of us by the court, is different than mine. Geez he is stupid LOL.
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Old 01-05-2015, 10:28 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
My ex used to e-mail me and ask me "what does the custody order say about [insert question here]?"

Because, you know, I had the ONLY COPY... right?
MINE TOO!!!!

I've told him to read his copy.

Yesterday I read him one line that he was violating and he said "that's BS, I'm not following that bc you coerced me to agree to it".

I pointed out that he signed same as me and a judge did too and asked if he wanted to speak to the kids, got no reply and hung up.
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Old 01-05-2015, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
My X tried to convince me that his copy of our SIGNED DIVORCE DECREE, that was mailed to both of us by the court, is different than mine. Geez he is stupid LOL.
And another MINE TOO! Wow these characters really are one in the same....

He also has accused me of altering the final, signed by a judge decree....

Total insanity...
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Old 01-05-2015, 11:02 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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The only thing I put on my google calendar was his visitation weekends/days and who had them for the holidays based on the schedule. I added a link to the guidelines we used (or scanned in a copy - can't remember now).
Ditto. I don't put on anything about doc appointments or administrative stuff like that. I might drop him an email after the fact to CYA just saying, took DS15 to the doctor, all is well, or this is what the doctor said. If he's in sports, I might have added that to the calendar in the past, but honestly I don't do that anymore. It's on the school website.

It's mostly about holiday time and being able to look into the future and see if I can make plans or get a sitter or trade weekends or whatever. It was a huge point of contention for a long time, but now it's pretty standard business (10 years later). I will input stuff into the calendar then drop him an email saying, look it over and if you don't have any complaints, this is what we're going with.

One time he complained that he didn't like the way I did the calendar, complained that I didn't give him his time, and even accused me of changing it and he wasn't going to follow it anymore -- so I just called his bluff. He sent me a screenshot and it turned out he was looking at hit wrong, or just being a jerk, either way. I told him and his lawyer that if they didn't like the idea of full disclosure, a judge and I would like to hear what other solutions to our custody communication they had up their sleeves. They shut up and he grumbled about it for awhile, but whatever.

Maintaining a calendar means you're the one making any effort whatsoever to keep up proactive communication. Rest easy, and blow this guy off.

Remember, he can SAY anything he wants to. Just because the phone is ringing doesn't mean you have to answer it.
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Old 01-05-2015, 12:42 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I just have to say reading your post reminded me so much of my ex, especially the parts about him demanding flexibility after the fact, using the good things you do against you and his expecting you to remind him. Those are the exact behaviors my narcissistic ex takes part in.

I think it is funny because narcissists think they are unique, one of a kind, yet they have the exact same bad behaviors.

I've nothing to add or advice to give. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
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Old 01-05-2015, 06:35 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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It's remarkable how similar N's are and I wonder if xAHs issue was ever alcohol or just that alcohol was him medicating his sociopathic tendencies.
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Old 01-05-2015, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
It's remarkable how similar N's are and I wonder if xAHs issue was ever alcohol or just that alcohol was him medicating his sociopathic tendencies.
Chicken or the egg
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Old 01-06-2015, 06:05 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Yes, the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished" has NEVER rung more true than with my xNPD/AH...

He actually screamed at me at one point this weekend that I need to "detach" (his belief is that I am "jealous" he was with his girlfriend and that the kids weren't at all upset by his blowing them off) and then demanded that I remind him of his parenting time.

I just laughed at the absurdity of those statements.
I found through the years with my xNPD that when they accuse you of something, it is how they feel. A friend of mine called my ex a hypocrite and told me about it. Not long after that, I got an email where he called me a hypocrite. They can not accept any negative emotion as their own and need to put it on someone else; thus, he is jealous of you for something.
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Old 01-06-2015, 06:32 AM
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My X says that I lie to him, and try to control his life. Neither are true at all. I could not care less about his life outside his time with our children and it absolutely drives him nuts.

When I told him calmly to give me an example, he could not give a single one. There is no rationalizing with a nut case, I stopped trying years ago.
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Old 01-06-2015, 06:45 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
My X says that I lie to him, and try to control his life. Neither are true at all. I could not care less about his life outside his time with our children and it absolutely drives him nuts.

When I told him calmly to give me an example, he could not give a single one. There is no rationalizing with a nut case, I stopped trying years ago.

They must be twins separated at birth! That is verbatim what mine says. And somehow he STILL has people who believe what he says... Its nuts.
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Old 01-06-2015, 07:00 AM
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LOL...one big happy family right?! It is nuts that they can be so smooth that people actually believe them until they show their a$$ on their own.
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Old 01-06-2015, 07:15 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
LOL...one big happy family right?! It is nuts that they can be so smooth that people actually believe them until they show their a$$ on their own.
Yes, my ex will always show who he really is. It may take a while, but he can't help himself.
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Old 01-06-2015, 08:00 AM
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Mine too. He cycles through friends like toilet paper.
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Old 01-06-2015, 08:04 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
They must be twins separated at birth! That is verbatim what mine says. And somehow he STILL has people who believe what he says... Its nuts.
Try Triplets!!!!!
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