He's a coward
Thanks
After crying my eyes out all night, he calls from his office around noon. Tells me he is ok. Gives me a spill about how he knows he has failed us, he can't stop on his own, he needs treatment, He's praying, he's sorry...When he finished I asked exactly what that means and he said he is ready to start going to meetings again. But, I don't believe him. I felt like he was baiting me so instead I said if you drink today, don't come home; if you drink tomorrow or any day, don't come home; if you drink, don't go to the boys ballgames; if you can't do any of this, come get your things and find some place to stay because you are not welcome here. It wasn't quite what I wanted to say but I think it is the best start I've had and it was in an emotional moment. I cried for 30 minutes and then headed to a friends house for a skin care party. He hasn't been home, not even to pick up his cell phone he left behind. Strangely, I feel ok. I'm exhausted, but I don't feel any anxiety. Maybe because I spoke most of my truth last night and today plus cried and cried and cried some more. Not something I've allowed myself to do. Plus, after the skincare party, my good friend had me stay longer and I was able to share with her all that has transpired since before thanksgiving.
After crying my eyes out all night, he calls from his office around noon. Tells me he is ok. Gives me a spill about how he knows he has failed us, he can't stop on his own, he needs treatment, He's praying, he's sorry...When he finished I asked exactly what that means and he said he is ready to start going to meetings again. But, I don't believe him. I felt like he was baiting me so instead I said if you drink today, don't come home; if you drink tomorrow or any day, don't come home; if you drink, don't go to the boys ballgames; if you can't do any of this, come get your things and find some place to stay because you are not welcome here. It wasn't quite what I wanted to say but I think it is the best start I've had and it was in an emotional moment. I cried for 30 minutes and then headed to a friends house for a skin care party. He hasn't been home, not even to pick up his cell phone he left behind. Strangely, I feel ok. I'm exhausted, but I don't feel any anxiety. Maybe because I spoke most of my truth last night and today plus cried and cried and cried some more. Not something I've allowed myself to do. Plus, after the skincare party, my good friend had me stay longer and I was able to share with her all that has transpired since before thanksgiving.
I said if you drink today, don't come home; if you drink tomorrow or any day, don't come home; if you drink, don't go to the boys ballgames; if you can't do any of this, come get your things and find some place to stay because you are not welcome here. It wasn't quite what I wanted to say but I think it is the best start I've had and it was in an emotional moment.
Awesome.
My guess is that he isn't home because he isn't sober. Good for him. Not that he's drinking, but that he is respecting your boundary. We aren't gonna pin any medals on him, but at least you don't have to look at his drunk ass right now.
Hugs, you're OK, we've got your back, and so does your Higher Power.
thank you for that. I was a tad angry at myself that I didn't just come out and tell him to come get his things. I may do that anyway whenever he show his face.
I agree, Lexi, I think he isn't home because he is drinking. I'm ok with that because he isn't here doing it or showing up drunk -- not to say he won't at some point tonight since the night is young. But, again, I feel strangely ok.
I agree, Lexi, I think he isn't home because he is drinking. I'm ok with that because he isn't here doing it or showing up drunk -- not to say he won't at some point tonight since the night is young. But, again, I feel strangely ok.
Really well done Katchie, I think you are handling this fantastically. I totally agree with Lexi; I think you expressed a serious, clear boundary & he is hiding away, maybe getting a whiff of the idea that you aren't the same as before & things are changing.
I can practically feel your confidence growing from here, way to go!
I can practically feel your confidence growing from here, way to go!
Really well done Katchie, I think you are handling this fantastically. I totally agree with Lexi; I think you expressed a serious, clear boundary & he is hiding away, maybe getting a whiff of the idea that you aren't the same as before & things are changing.
I can practically feel your confidence growing from here, way to go!
I can practically feel your confidence growing from here, way to go!
I've joined a 12 step group thru CR that begins next thursday. I had started them last year and didn't finish. I am seeing g a new therapist who I really like and am grateful for. I've cried ALOT. It's given me a lot of RELIEF. I rarely cry about anything so I can honestly say I feel a lot better for it. Instead of holing up for the day, I spent it with 4 gals I'm close to and then took a long walk with my neighbor who is fully aware of my situation. I've received some great encouragement from them as well as from SR that I'm so appreciative. While getting myself ready this morning (which I made myself get up and do) and driving today I continued listening to Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It's all been a huge help, every single thing and I think it's help concontribute to my peaceful feeling I'm currently enjoying.
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