decision time
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this... Its so very hard. Im sure we all know the sinking feeling in our stomach the moment you realize they have relapsed. I wish you the strenght to do what you know is best for yourself. Hugs!!!Xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 16
I know that feeling so well. One day something in me just snapped, and I thought, "I just can't do this anymore". So I made it clear that if it happened again, it was the end of the line for me. And now here I am staring the end of the line in the face! In retrospect, I wish I'd been clearer with my boundaries much earlier on. Part of me wonders whether if I had, the situation might be different. (Ok, so I'm kidding myself, right?).
I asked AH to leave when he relapsed and lied about it, and tried to get others to lie for him too. He refused. I should have just cut loose there and then, but it took nine months of hell and a nervous breakdown to make me see sense and fix somewhere else to go. Who says As are stubborn...I think I could give most of them a run for their money. Not one of my finer moments it must be said! But the concept of boundaries and even looking after me was alien to me then. (It still feels pretty weird). Oh that we had the wisdom of retrospect.
But the most important thing I did learn was that if you state your boundary, you have to be prepared to act if the boundary is overstepped. I found that it's not as easy as I thought it would be, and bits of me keep hankering after (hoping for) the person he once was. I know it's not going to happen. Tht person is gone forever. But the hopes keep coming in spite of the rational part of me knowing that it's hopeless. Such is the weirdness of living with the A eh?
Big hugs Katchie. Like a big switch going off in your head, you'll know when the time is right.
Illo
Xxxx
I asked AH to leave when he relapsed and lied about it, and tried to get others to lie for him too. He refused. I should have just cut loose there and then, but it took nine months of hell and a nervous breakdown to make me see sense and fix somewhere else to go. Who says As are stubborn...I think I could give most of them a run for their money. Not one of my finer moments it must be said! But the concept of boundaries and even looking after me was alien to me then. (It still feels pretty weird). Oh that we had the wisdom of retrospect.
But the most important thing I did learn was that if you state your boundary, you have to be prepared to act if the boundary is overstepped. I found that it's not as easy as I thought it would be, and bits of me keep hankering after (hoping for) the person he once was. I know it's not going to happen. Tht person is gone forever. But the hopes keep coming in spite of the rational part of me knowing that it's hopeless. Such is the weirdness of living with the A eh?
Big hugs Katchie. Like a big switch going off in your head, you'll know when the time is right.
Illo
Xxxx
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Katchie 
What's so funny is that the bible studies we have been doing daily have really beat him over the head about drinking. I couldn't have planned it that way if I tried! He just has not listened, sadly. The last study we did, he sat in our living room listening to a Q&A segment at the end of the study and our pastor talked about those with addictions and how they destroy their own families for the next high.
1. God seems to know the God business.
2. A's seem to know the A business.
I know which Team I want to be running with.
Sounds like you, too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Katchie, It is our darkest secrets what happens in our homes. I still have never told my parents of the awful things my X did to me. They are telling people that we will be getting back together someday,,,,,. Maybe one day I will have enough strength to tell them, but not today.
When I finally talked to my x's sister, she tells me that "I guess you two have grown in different directions" Really, your brother, just like your father was, are drunks!! But they call it "growing in different directions" I think its great you pass it off to your sil and not engage. They will contact you if they want to know more.
At some point we realize that we can no longer take care of our addicts, as they have to take care of themselves. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but it really is the only thing that will bring peace into your life. You look on the A forums and the majority of the comments are, when the "enablers" finally walk away is when they finally realized their addiction and not a moment sooner.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))) this to shall pass!!
When I finally talked to my x's sister, she tells me that "I guess you two have grown in different directions" Really, your brother, just like your father was, are drunks!! But they call it "growing in different directions" I think its great you pass it off to your sil and not engage. They will contact you if they want to know more.
At some point we realize that we can no longer take care of our addicts, as they have to take care of themselves. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but it really is the only thing that will bring peace into your life. You look on the A forums and the majority of the comments are, when the "enablers" finally walk away is when they finally realized their addiction and not a moment sooner.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))) this to shall pass!!
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