LexieCat

If he refuses to give you your stuff, you call the police and request an escort to retrieve it.

Do your best to keep this as low-drama as possible. You politely request your belongings. If he refuses, you don't beg or wheedle. You just call the police and tell them you are trying to retrieve your belongings, which your ex refuses to give to you. I'm pretty sure they will go with you to get them--this is pretty common, unfortunately (and not just from alcoholics).

Slothy

. Im hoping he gets back, goes out, and I retrieve my stuff. No meet and greet and...no contact! This time away from his calls and his presence has albeit been a little shock to my system but makes me wanna part without even seeing him! It is so funny, my relationship with my ex abf has been drama free....no fighting or craziness as in some other people's relationships....so i certainy hope I do not need to go to those lengths but his behavior never ceases to amaze me!

Dont know why he didnt leave the dam key in the first place....hungover and late for his plane,? new girlfriend who has his condo privliges?, or one last attempt to manipulate me?? It makes me irrate that my mind even goes there...but maybe its a good thing that it does!

I guess time will tell how this pans out! Thanks for your support!

LexieCat

Well, actually, I'd be pretty reluctant, myself, to leave a key for someone I was breaking up with to come in. The problem is that he told you he would.

Maybe bring a friend with you, just in case you need a witness? It might also help keep both of you on an even-er keel, if you know what I mean.

LemonGirl

I'm crying reading all of this because I am getting ready to say my goodbye as well. And I wanted to write a letter... for myself, and for him, that maybe one day he could read it in a better light. I wasn't planning on going over grievances as much as I just wanted to tell him things I felt he needed to hear. And reading this post has helped me understand that that is just another attempt on my end to control... Blech!
This all feels quite like another plea I made to an ex boyfriend of mine who was not an addict but horribly narcissistic and made me feel like I was never even his girlfriend. I wrote him a 7 page letter! LOL... I guess this time, I should just write down all my feelings in a journal or a letter to burn and quit stoking the fire of drama... Hell, my daughter's dad to this day does not take what I write to him in the light that I mean it. The minute I stopped enabling that man was the minute I became his enemy. Still, 7 years later... He manages to even twist my words in court through custody battles. Obviously this letter writing thing is not a good idea for "them", but rather for me...
UGH!
Is there a journal section on this site? [/SIZE]

LemonGirl

I still have a ton his things and vice versa... I am hoping he will be cordial about exchanging those things. And to top it off, I feel absolutely awful about all of the great Christmas gifts he got for me and my two daughters... Do I give back the gifts he got me, at least? this sucks man...

LexieCat

I don't believe there's a journal section, but there is a blog section. It isn't private.

I found a pretty cool journaling software solution--it's for Windows or online. It's called LifeJournal, and it has "add ons" for specific types of journaling. There's one for "Staying Sober," one for "Divorce," and one for "Emotional Balance." You can google it, or if you pm me, I can send you the link. It isn't free, but as I said, it's pretty impressive, and not terribly expensive ($27 a year for online subscription, plus $19 for each "add-on.")

HollyC88

I had my friend pick up my stuff from my XABF.. easier for me then going there- just too hard. Keep us posted how it goes...

If you need to write a letter, I think that is fine, whatever you need to do to get closure.

Slothy

Thanks Holly.....I think he flys in late today......just waiting to hear and if nothing I will reach out to him. I have a sick feeling in my gut!!! But hopefully will be purged soon. I will keep you posted! Hope you are doing well!

cynical one

The things that are at his place...are they of great expense and/or sentiment that cannot be replaced?

Slothy

Yes..... If they were insignificant I wouldn't bother. But they are, just hoping he takes the high road and lets me know when I can get them!

Slothy

He's back! Heard from via text on Monday that maybe this weekend we can arrange a pick-up and...... haven't heard from him since!! GRRRRRR! Im not gonna text him like a crazy women or call as I know he will not answer. He's out and about having his typical fun with I am sure a quick replacement gf!

His behavior doesn't surprise me in the least! It angers me that I put up with this BS for as long as I did! What surprises me is how hurt I feel tonight by him...downright sad and rejected! I absolutely loathe myself right now for even entertaining those emotions!

Thanks for the letting me vent!

LexieCat

I'd consider the police escort at this point. The sooner you get your stuff, the sooner you get past this game he's playing. He's making the rules, and stringing you along with when it might be "convenient" for you to come get it.

Slothy

It a very unthoughtful game at that! I will text him tomorrow, and demand he leave me the key while he's at work on Monday. I'm leaving out of town for a few days midweek and DONT want this weighing me down !

What pisses me off the most is the hurtful emotions this conjures up! Soon... No contact.... No new hurts!

As always, thanks LexieCat