SeriousKarma

Anyone who read my post of a few weeks ago about the "Machete Christmas" knows I know how un-merry Christmas can be when living with an addicted elf.

Here's how things played out this year....

A few days before Christmas my STBXAH came by to exchange gifts with our daughter. We had a little something for each other as well. He spent about an hour here. Had a cup of tea, some cookies, good laughs. It was........lovely.

The nicest part of all was that I knew it would be. I've figured a few things out, and the most important one of all is to marshal my expectations of him. He best knows what his triggers are, how to avoid them, and how long he can go between drinks. However his magic calculator works is a mystery to me, but not so much to him. He understands himself better than anyone else (though I would have argued that for years), and knows best how to manage those windows of sobriety. Since I'm not married to him anymore (almost), it's not my problem.

I don't know if he's currently drinking right now or not. I no longer buy tickets to that circus. However, he hasn't done anything to make me think he's pursuing lasting sobriety, so I kind of assume he's probably not in recovery. Still, his monkeys, his circus.

That being the case, as long as he sees my daughter within a time frame that he sets up, without anyone putting any pressure on him, there's no reason to think either of us will ever see him drunk again.

I can certainly imagine pitfalls in the future, especially between him and our daughter. Drunk Dad at the Wedding kinds of scenarios. But that would be future-tripping, and no good can come from it.

Right now, in regards to this issue, I'm looking at a bright New Year.