hummingbird358

I had posted that my son had really cut back on his drinking after an incident this past summer. The gf then told him she was done with him and came back because she loved him too much to give up on him. I know here parents did not care for my son and to be honest I really would not want my daughter in a relationship with a young man like him (he is 20). So as I posted the gf turned 21 last Tuesday and I know she was worried about that because of her ability to buy alcohol. Well, Friday night he was drinking beer. Looked like he drank the entire case when I went in his room after he left. Then Saturday, he drank a bottle of vodka (that was what he drank this past summer that caused him a problem with the gf). I don't know who bought it for him but I assume she did. Well, as posted something happened and she was crying and we knocked on the door but he would not let us in and then she stopped crying. She finally left and had never came back. She usually texts me when something goes on but this time, nothing. I noticed she text my son yesterday morning but nothing since 8:30 yesterday morning. I am scared for my son. I know what happened the last time his first gf broke up with him. He turned to weed and alcohol and was cutting. Ended up in a mental home for 72 hours to be observed and still to this day blames me for that. He won't speak much to me or anyone in the house. He has shut us out long ago. He keeps everything inside. I know he will not open up about this either. I tried telling him yesterday no more alcohol in the house but usually if I say things like that he does it for spite. So, I came home from work and then had to leave right away. I didn't get to see him at all. He is in his room snoring away. I am scared that he got someone to get him alcohol. I am so scared for his him. He suffers from psoriasis as well and has alot of anxiety from that. I don't understand why God does this, why after all of the prayers nothing happens it just seems to get worse. He is taking 6 online classes this winter break and is doing well. Just wish I knew what was going on with him. I am worried about tomorrow and Wednesday because he will be home alone, atleast today my daughter was home to kind of watch what he does, whether he leaves or brings anything home. Just wondering when addicts finally realize they need help? After reading some posts on here it seems like alot never realize it. I can't live the rest of my life worrying about him.

SparkleKitty

I can't speak from experience, as I am not an addict, but from the reading I have done on the Alcoholism forum, it seems like many addicts finally realize they need help when they have to start experiencing the consequences of their choices.

dandylion

hummingbird.....can you go back and re-read the posts I just made to your last thread?

I understand your anxiety...because, as I have said , I have already walked in your shoes.

You so badly need support and education (more understanding of this disease). You need the one-on-one support of those who are seasoned in this. Those with experience under their belts. This is hard on parents--because what you need to do is counterintuitive for most most parents!!

With what you are doing now---I fear that the situation will only get worse. I am sorry to say that....but, the realities must be faced.

sincerely,
dandylion

NWGRITS

He may be like this for a day, several years, or forever. Nobody has a crystal ball that can tell if or when he may choose to get sober. This is where help for you comes into play. It's obvious that you don't really know anything about alcoholism or mental illness, and how the two relate to reach other. It doesn't matter what he drinks - alcohol is alcohol. He would have to abstain completely from it in order to stay sober (this includes the pot, too). Please, please heed dandylion's wise words. Get help for yourself as soon as possible. (((Hugs)))

sugarbear1

have you considered al anon? and maybe keeping a boundary of no underage drinking in your home?

Hawkeye13

I also agree with dandylion.
This is serious and way too much for you to handle on your own.
Addiction and depression / mental illness in combination is very difficult to
work with even for professionals. I can understand why you are frightened
and don't know what to do.

I think you should get some professional help for yourself and for you son quickly.
I'm sending you support and strength. I know it isn't easy to reach out, and he will
resist very likely, but things cannot keep going like they are. You are in terrible pain
and so it he. Sending you support and strength to move forward.

redatlanta

Definitely head to Al Anon.

This is not something you can fix. You're walking on eggshells in your home and you A son is ruling the roost. What's going on there is damaging to you and its damaging to him as well. I know that is a difficult concept to understand, nonetheless it true.

During times like these its best to turn to God (its always best in any circumstance IMO). I understand the frustrations of not seeing changes when you pray for them and to question why things are getting worse rather than getting better. It took me many years to understand how God works. He doesn't interfere with free will - what he does do is provide a pathway and leave it up to you to decide whether or not you are going to walk it. You can't pray your Son sober, or love him sober. You can do what is best for you, and the members of your family which may have some effect on your son.

I'm sorry this is happening to you sending you lots of (((hugs)))

maia1234

I read this on SR, I think you need it. Get some help for yourself and give him to your higher power.....

If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ...

Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ...

The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ...

I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know ?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ...

I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar.

Hawks

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ that's great stuff.

I'm alcoholic and I can promise you, the worst thing you can do is enable one of us.

CodeJob

perhaps a parent focused al anon meeting would help? you do start learning even though the format isnt set up to walk in and just start asking them what to do. the one i went too was the biggest meeting ive attended.

you can talk to people before/after. they will likely be in similar struggles.

im so sorry your kid is so mixed up and hurting himself and you AND his GF. i dont know legality of where you are in getting him mental eval via school/ addiction counseling if he is not willing at age 20.

but letting go of him and his situation is where you start. you cant fix his brain. you cant make him well with parental love. if only we could!