DavinaD

Does anyone have experience of someone recovering from alcoholism when it's their parents drinking as well? I'm split from my ex because of his drinking & unacceptable behaviour, I have said that I can't live with him if he drinks. He sometimes says he'll try to stop but most of the time he just says he will cut down (no use to me). His mum, whilst supportive of me, insists drinking is not the problem, as she knocks back drink after drink, because my ex doesn't drink every day. She says if he's an alcoholic then so is she (um...). I used to try to talk to her about how worried I was about my ex's drinking and she would be very concerned but five minutes later she would be passing him another can under the table. When he was unemployed she would give him money for some cans. I just cannot understand how a mum can watch their son wreck his life with drink & seem to encourage him! Has anyone come across this sort of thing before? I suppose there is very little chance of my ex recovering if the people that he drinks with are members of his family? I am just so sad trying to see a way for him to get better but I can't. :-(

SparkleKitty

Denial is a very very powerful thing. And it runs in families, especially when addiction is involved.

But I think that if someone really and truly desired to get sober, there are no family behaviors or antics that could possibly stop them from achieving that goal.

Redheadsusie

Yes My MIL and FIL and I sat down with AH and told him had a problem- he said he would go to rehab - cried - admitted defeat. This was several years ago mind you - The in laws thought about it and thought the neighbors would think badly of them and him and talked him out of going - said he did not have a problem- just needed to cut back. MIL then told me - when the men in the family hit 60 they calm down so just to be patient. I am now separated from AH and he lives with them - they do everything for this 50 year old man- wash his clothes - cook for him- bought him a car- they can all have each other. He still drinks - If your AH does not want to get better you can't make him- I tried to help mine for 15 years. Waste of time for me. Sending hugs

NYCDoglvr

As someone who has been going to AA meetings for 23 years, I can say it's the norm. The majority of alcoholics come from alcoholic homes. And because alcoholics' chief mental defenses are denial and rationalization, most active alcoholics believe they can control their drinking. His mother does and so does her son.

Eauchiche

I think this is one of the biggest reasons they call it a "family disease."

DoubleDragons

My mother is an alcoholic and my father is an extreme enabler. They absolutely HATE that I have quit drinking because they have lost their trained monkey, their drinking buddy who helped normalize their behavior.

DavinaD

DoubleDragons, yes I think his mum would hate it if he stayed with me and stopped drinking, I think she loves having him to drink with. It's so sad, I didn't realise the problem was this common

thotful

My father has it. Several siblings probably do as well. My sister had issues with drugs, but is much better now (I congratulated her the other day on that - she said it's not easy). I also have the disease of alcoholism.

Runs in the family? Check.

Denial there's a problem? Check. (Thotful, you don't really drink that much - you just partied a lot in college and grew out of it...that's all.)

Only one of my siblings truly acknowledges that my father has the disease. Said that he's "waiting for the call".

Discomfort about my sobriety? ABSOLUTELY.

Apparently, since I talk about it openly on FB, I'm "shoving it in their face" and "talking about it too much" (talking about my sobriety and work through the 12-steps). There is major discomfort when someone points out either the emperor's non-existent clothes or the elephant in the room.

I'm breaking the rules.

luvmygirls

Both of my parents are alcoholics (somehow in the "functioning" stage for about 50 years!) and so am I. I've noticed that my mom pays special attention to peoples' drink of choice, buys it for them when they visit, and encourages them to drink. I believe that she is trying to make her own excessive drinking seem normal. Of course, she doesn't seem to notice that normal drinkers will stop after 1 or 2 and she will be almost passing out at the end of the evening.

Thumper

Very common as has been pointed out. Not hopeless, but common. Makes it hard for everyone. The other side of the coin (co-dependency) goes right along with it.

Butterfly

My mil and I would talk about my ex drinking and she would say how worried she was and she didn't know how I put up with it!! She would then go and buy him his favourite beer/cider for times when he looked after her house when she was away or family parties. The only time she said anything in anger to him was when it directly affected her! She likes to drink but wouldn't say she is an alcoholic, his father on the other hand is (they are divorced), his aunt is an A as is his sister!! No one will say anything to him infact his aunt recently told him "I have my drinking buddy back"!!!

Stung

My alcoholic husband's father, sister and brother are all alcoholics, both grandfathers, an uncle and an aunt are too. His mother is a raging in denial, controlling codependent and won't acknowledge that anyone is an alcoholic. I think actually saying the words out loud might kill her.

gaffo

Being raised around it makes it feel normal. What a mess.

shelton40

My ADH mother and brothers are all alcoholics. His mother comes and says to my husband " Your brother and I drink 5 bottles of Captain in one weekend. I think we may have a problem" As they all slug one down together. His youngest brother was told by doctors if you dont stop drinking you will be dead by 40. His oldest brother wont go anywhere without a case of beer in the car (drinking it) while his wife runs errands. So why on earth would any if his family think my Ah has a problem?
Here is the the thing about real sobriety...no one or nothing will stop someone from acheiving it if they really want it.