O/T??? The pedestal person

Old 12-30-2014, 02:38 AM
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My ex-husband never put me on a pedestal, but he certainly made me the one responsible for his happiness.

That is far to great a burden to place on any single person.
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Old 12-30-2014, 03:00 AM
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To me, the person that puts someone else on a pedestal is just placing all responsibility on that person.

The bill payer, the house cleaner, the laundry washer, the happy maker, the sadness maker, the children caretaker, the spouse caretaker, the parent/inlaw caretaker, the planner, the gift buyer, the lawyer, the job seeker, the letter writer, the pet walker, the yard mower, the leaf raker, the home improvement maker and the decision maker..it goes on forever.

It comes down to that they do not want to be responsible for their own damn lives. They never want to be held accountable so they place the responsibility on others and mask it as love, admiration and adornment.

Of course one false move, in their minds, and you go from revered to scape goat.
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Old 12-30-2014, 09:53 AM
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Amy, I think you could write a book. As always, you are filling in missing pieces of the puzzle. Thanks!
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Old 12-30-2014, 10:35 AM
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This reminds me so much of the description of a narcissist and other people. To the narcissist, the rest of us are just mirrors. We reflect what he wants to see about himself, or he'll reject the mirror and find another flattering one.

Narcissist parents love young children because they usually adore their parents and want to please them. As soon as the child grows up and starts wanting other things, the narcissist will reject the child and/or make the child's life hell by berating them or making the standards for perfection so impossible it's crushing.

Being around a narcissist (A or otherwise) is so painful because being around them and being happy is completely dependent on being a cipher, a zero, someone who is unseen and unheard, except when it behooves the narcissist -- usually for an audience! You're bad for having any needs at all. He has needs though, and it's your job to tend to them. Suggesting he might need to change his point of view is enough to get you kicked to the curb, so you put up and shut up to survive. When someone else is around to impress, he might trot you out to put on a show. Once the audience is gone, he puts you back on the shelf.

I'd argue contrary to what your family was saying that maybe it wasn't you who he adored -- he adored what being with someone like you meant about him, and only as long as you would shut up and take whatever he was serving, and serve it back to him on a silver platter with a smile.
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Old 12-30-2014, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
Narcissist parents love young children because they usually adore their parents and want to please them.
Narcissist can’t love but I know what you meant here. They love the power that being a parent gives them. They can continue for years with no checks or accountability. They are not questioned and if they are, the blame is passed to the child. They become the reason the parent acted the way they do. There are always conditions to their love.

Do what they want at all times and they appear to love you. They see you doing all this stuff for them so they must be grand. The minute the child does not fulfill the image then they hate what they see and deflect all those negative images and feelings back to the child.

The pedestal A is the same way. They can appear to love and worship but the second one of their needs are not met or there is a problem and accountability comes into play then the person on the pedestal becomes the scapegoat. You are never knocked off your pedestal. You remain there to either be worshiped when you reflect good and berated if you have done bad.

Of course bad and good are all the interpretation of the A or the narcissist. If they look good, you look good. If they don’t look good, it is all your fault.
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