The Immortal Alcoholic---venting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 54
The Immortal Alcoholic---venting
Okay, gotta get a few things off my chest.
My neighbor keeps telling me of a post titled, "The Immortal Alcoholic". If anyone has a link to it please post as I would like to read it. Anyway, we keep talking of this because it is true.
Before Thanksgiving AH got out of the hospital for alcohol withdrawal. Apparently he decided drinking straight for 5 days was a good idea and when he "sobered up" he didn't feel so well. Went to hospital and they had to strap him to bed for 3 days as he was jumping up and running around. Showed up late and left early for Thanksgiving dinner, complained about me the whole time, and was a complete dunce. No surprise there. Consequence of this was losing job.
A couple of weeks later a strange lady called my daughter--found out later it is AH's girlfriend. She told daughter that Dad was depressed and either tried/was going to try to hang himself, so she took him to the hospital. He ends up getting a free vacation at a mental facility: once again. Consequence of this was having insurance pay $10,000 and Merry Christmas as facility will write off $4,000 for being such a good guy.
Backstory. For the 2+ years he has been out of the house he has revolved through treatment/therapy/hospital/etc. Got job, lost job for drinking X2. I finally went to the state to get child support late this summer. He never even made one full payment before drinking and losing his job. Funny, how the whole time my friend and I almost bet how long it would be before he quit/lost his job once child support was enforced. Funny how he views it as payments to me--and God forbid he have to pay me.
Christmas Eve. Kids at aunt's house again. AH shows up--just got released from "vacation resort", sober, wearing suit, bearing gifts. His sister gets card with $, daughter leather jacket, son Seahawk sweatshirt, and card for me. He is quoting 12 steps, has 2 sponsors, is going to attend state therapy and AA everyday---because they pay for it. He says he is sorry as he is "making amends". Wow does this guy know the rules of the game or what? My card says he is sorry for his alcoholism destroying our marriage. Interesting.
Mental facility gave him one more Christmas gift: they diagnosed him with PTSD so he can now apply for disability and not worry about getting a job. Underlying tone is he will do anything to not have to support his kids----oh yeah, pay me.
And lastly, after 29 years of marriage, he is forcing me to a trial. I have no money, represent myself, work 3 jobs/7 days a week, and have to keep going to courthouse to file all this paperwork for something that is ridiculous. We filed for bankruptcy before he left so there is nothing to fight about. He just won't give up. At least I finally have a trial date for March 20th. Please pray for me that this part will be over soon. I cannot change life insurance beneficiaries, names on house title--anything until this is done, and it is hurting me.
I keep working on myself and my family. Am so glad to have him out of the house, but get really frustrated that the alcoholic gets the help and sympathy and I can't even get food stamps when I have a reported income of $18K/year. Bill collections, late fees, NSF fees--I'm tired of it. And he gets a "free" ride. Thank goodness for this site and my Al-Anon group. It really does help knowing I'm not in this alone. I know this was lengthy but had to relieve the pressure on my chest.
Thanks for reading.
My neighbor keeps telling me of a post titled, "The Immortal Alcoholic". If anyone has a link to it please post as I would like to read it. Anyway, we keep talking of this because it is true.
Before Thanksgiving AH got out of the hospital for alcohol withdrawal. Apparently he decided drinking straight for 5 days was a good idea and when he "sobered up" he didn't feel so well. Went to hospital and they had to strap him to bed for 3 days as he was jumping up and running around. Showed up late and left early for Thanksgiving dinner, complained about me the whole time, and was a complete dunce. No surprise there. Consequence of this was losing job.
A couple of weeks later a strange lady called my daughter--found out later it is AH's girlfriend. She told daughter that Dad was depressed and either tried/was going to try to hang himself, so she took him to the hospital. He ends up getting a free vacation at a mental facility: once again. Consequence of this was having insurance pay $10,000 and Merry Christmas as facility will write off $4,000 for being such a good guy.
Backstory. For the 2+ years he has been out of the house he has revolved through treatment/therapy/hospital/etc. Got job, lost job for drinking X2. I finally went to the state to get child support late this summer. He never even made one full payment before drinking and losing his job. Funny, how the whole time my friend and I almost bet how long it would be before he quit/lost his job once child support was enforced. Funny how he views it as payments to me--and God forbid he have to pay me.
Christmas Eve. Kids at aunt's house again. AH shows up--just got released from "vacation resort", sober, wearing suit, bearing gifts. His sister gets card with $, daughter leather jacket, son Seahawk sweatshirt, and card for me. He is quoting 12 steps, has 2 sponsors, is going to attend state therapy and AA everyday---because they pay for it. He says he is sorry as he is "making amends". Wow does this guy know the rules of the game or what? My card says he is sorry for his alcoholism destroying our marriage. Interesting.
Mental facility gave him one more Christmas gift: they diagnosed him with PTSD so he can now apply for disability and not worry about getting a job. Underlying tone is he will do anything to not have to support his kids----oh yeah, pay me.
And lastly, after 29 years of marriage, he is forcing me to a trial. I have no money, represent myself, work 3 jobs/7 days a week, and have to keep going to courthouse to file all this paperwork for something that is ridiculous. We filed for bankruptcy before he left so there is nothing to fight about. He just won't give up. At least I finally have a trial date for March 20th. Please pray for me that this part will be over soon. I cannot change life insurance beneficiaries, names on house title--anything until this is done, and it is hurting me.
I keep working on myself and my family. Am so glad to have him out of the house, but get really frustrated that the alcoholic gets the help and sympathy and I can't even get food stamps when I have a reported income of $18K/year. Bill collections, late fees, NSF fees--I'm tired of it. And he gets a "free" ride. Thank goodness for this site and my Al-Anon group. It really does help knowing I'm not in this alone. I know this was lengthy but had to relieve the pressure on my chest.
Thanks for reading.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,892
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sorry you're going through all this. What is it he wants that is "forcing" the case to trial? Is it just a refusal to pay child support? Or are there other issues as well? Have you tried to discuss a settlement with him? Maybe that's an impossibility, but a trial will cost him money, too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 54
Thanks Suki and LexieCat. All He wants is to make my life miserable. He stated that in a phone call to the kids last year when I tried to finalize the divorce, and in several e-mails and phone calls since. He is mad at me for "what I did to him", and wants his revenge/restitution. Fortunately, because of my financial status I have had all fees waived. We were told to do mandatory mediation however he will not even discuss it so I am going to court Monday to ask for a waiver of mediation. In his response to my petition he asks for everything, plus $75000. It is all ridiculous and unnecessary. If he gets anything after abandoning us and not paying hardly anything for over 2 years I will have to have a heart to heart with my higher power.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, have you broached the issue given his recent "epiphany"? It might be worth a shot at this point to at least ask. For heaven's sake, hold onto that card, wherein he admits "destroying" the marriage due to his alcoholism, for the court.
Maybe you already know about this website, but there's a lot of good information here for the pro se litigant in family court: WashingtonLawHelp.org | A guide to free and low-cost legal aid, assistance and services in Washington.
Maybe you already know about this website, but there's a lot of good information here for the pro se litigant in family court: WashingtonLawHelp.org | A guide to free and low-cost legal aid, assistance and services in Washington.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
boomtuck you are a hero, and I admire you unreservedly because of what you're doing for your family. Thank goodness they have you. I hope you get this leacher out of your hair soon.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I am so sorry you're having to deal with this. Trying to get child support in Washington is nearly impossible as it is. I've been trying for over two years and the DCS people just shrug when I ask why the hell I haven't seen anything yet. Anyway, he'll fall flat on his face if this goes to court. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
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