any parents who are still with their As out there?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 62
any parents who are still with their As out there?
Hi everyone,
I was just wondering if there were any parents who either are still with their partners or who have raised children with their A partners.
I have two young children (8 and 3). They are generally the happiest boys I have ever met. There's not much that can keep them down. That's not to say that they are perfect, they're not! But they generally have smiles on their faces and are extremely open, talkative and loving.
My husband is battling his own demons. He's not drinking as much as he did, but when he does, he just sleeps alot. That's actually one of the major signs that he's been drinking...the excessive "sleeping." He doesn't get belligerent. He just isn't present. It's like being a single parent.
Anyhow, thinking about the future panics me to no end. His family drinks heavily. All of them. So I feel like odds are against my boys already. I really wish that alcoholism was something that I was familiar with before I married and then had kids with him. Hindsight is 20/20, right? But as a result, I have two wonderful boys.
My question is: how/what are you doing to make sure that your kids don't head toward the same path?
My older son has seen firsthand all the consequences of out of control drinking (DUIs, jail, license suspension, arguing, vacations/birthdays ruined) We've talked a lot about how drinking is bad for some people and how he has the genes for the same if he's not careful. (Additionally, I am also allergic to alcohol - I break out in hives and rashes when I drink, so lucky them, they may get that too!) I just don't know how much they need to know. My younger son has so many similar personality traits to my husband that it terrifies me. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Thanks in advance!
I was just wondering if there were any parents who either are still with their partners or who have raised children with their A partners.
I have two young children (8 and 3). They are generally the happiest boys I have ever met. There's not much that can keep them down. That's not to say that they are perfect, they're not! But they generally have smiles on their faces and are extremely open, talkative and loving.
My husband is battling his own demons. He's not drinking as much as he did, but when he does, he just sleeps alot. That's actually one of the major signs that he's been drinking...the excessive "sleeping." He doesn't get belligerent. He just isn't present. It's like being a single parent.
Anyhow, thinking about the future panics me to no end. His family drinks heavily. All of them. So I feel like odds are against my boys already. I really wish that alcoholism was something that I was familiar with before I married and then had kids with him. Hindsight is 20/20, right? But as a result, I have two wonderful boys.
My question is: how/what are you doing to make sure that your kids don't head toward the same path?
My older son has seen firsthand all the consequences of out of control drinking (DUIs, jail, license suspension, arguing, vacations/birthdays ruined) We've talked a lot about how drinking is bad for some people and how he has the genes for the same if he's not careful. (Additionally, I am also allergic to alcohol - I break out in hives and rashes when I drink, so lucky them, they may get that too!) I just don't know how much they need to know. My younger son has so many similar personality traits to my husband that it terrifies me. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Thanks in advance!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: NC
Posts: 39
I'm still with my recovering alcoholic wife. We're having our ups and downs, but ultimately, I'm very proud of her determination. She's 8+ years sober.
Our daughter is 16. She's a good student, but of course we worry about her nonetheless. We tell her about her genetic/family-of-origin predisposition to alcoholism, but at 16, we get lots of eye rolling...
Our daughter is 16. She's a good student, but of course we worry about her nonetheless. We tell her about her genetic/family-of-origin predisposition to alcoholism, but at 16, we get lots of eye rolling...
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I grew up in an alcoholic home, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. However, my life experience can help others try to stop the cycle, so here is my recommendation: counseling for the kiddos and Al-Ateen when they're old enough. Model healthy behaviors for them: you are teaching them how to act as adults, what types of relationships to expect as they get older, how to treat their future partner and how they should be treated. If you model enabling codependent behavior, then that's what they're going to learn. You can do things too help keep them somewhat normal amidst the chaos. Getting the alcoholic out of your lives would be ideal, but it's not practical for every family. So, lots of counseling, meetings, and getting yourself into Al-Anon so that you can set a good example for them. Good luck.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Dunno. Hard to say.
She filed for separation 7 months ago.
She seemed to think I would turn the house over to her or something equally idiotic.
hmmm. Not likely. I got the house for the kids, not the A.
So she took the kids on some big house hunting expedition(s).
So when I renewed the lease, I did not put her on it.
That was some months ago. The kids and I just look at each other and shrug.
We have a saying: "Mom may go crazy -- we do not go crazy with her."
She has yet to move out.
I just call it NED. Never Ending Drama.
She filed for separation 7 months ago.
She seemed to think I would turn the house over to her or something equally idiotic.
hmmm. Not likely. I got the house for the kids, not the A.
So she took the kids on some big house hunting expedition(s).
So when I renewed the lease, I did not put her on it.
That was some months ago. The kids and I just look at each other and shrug.
We have a saying: "Mom may go crazy -- we do not go crazy with her."
She has yet to move out.
I just call it NED. Never Ending Drama.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
I also grew up in an alcoholic home - both parents. As a child, I didn't realize it wasn't a normal way to grow up and didn't know why I was always depressed, anxious and hateful. So hateful that I used to wish my adoptive father would die in a plane crash on one of his business trips. That produced a whole lot of guilt, of which I had no idea how to deal with. He was also physically abusive and if my mom wasn't drunk, she was passed out from prescription drugs or laying in a severe depression. It's an awful life for a child to live.
At 13 I developed a severe eating disorder. I basically refused to eat and when I did, I made sure it didn't stay in my stomach long. I got into my first abusive relationship at 15. He was 20 and an alcoholic. Every boyfriend since was an alcoholic. Got married and pregnant at 20 to escape my home life without realizing I actually walked right back into it with that relationship.
Still didn't understand where all of the craziness stemmed from. It wasn't until I hit 30 and had a rash of really bad relationships behind me before I could even begin to look at the issues and start realizing something wasn't quite right. I knew things were 'wrong', but thought that was just life. It was a smack in the face when I realized how terribly wrong things were while I was growing up. It's still hard to face and accept. Children want to believe their parents are ok and 'normal' and they'll go to great lengths to convince themselves, to their own detriment.
I won't even get into the long list of issues I have now as an adult as a result of growing up with alcoholic parents, but here's a small tip of the iceberg....depression that I've had to fight tooth and nail for years to pull out of, horrible anxiety issues (full blown panic attacks), not knowing what the heck is normal and what isn't normal in basically every situation I'm presented with, inability to get attached to anyone except a dysfunctional alcoholic, inability to make a decision about anything important, guilt, a constant, ever-present, horrible fear of not being enough, doing enough or doing it right in raising my children and the list goes on and on.
Even if you think they don't know what is going on, please trust me on this.... they do. And it's scary, guilt producing, confusing and crushing. I don't mean to be harsh, but it makes me so upset when parents think they can hide alcoholism from their children or that their kids will come out unscathed. That usually doesn't happen. The scars will eventually come and, they're deep.
At 13 I developed a severe eating disorder. I basically refused to eat and when I did, I made sure it didn't stay in my stomach long. I got into my first abusive relationship at 15. He was 20 and an alcoholic. Every boyfriend since was an alcoholic. Got married and pregnant at 20 to escape my home life without realizing I actually walked right back into it with that relationship.
Still didn't understand where all of the craziness stemmed from. It wasn't until I hit 30 and had a rash of really bad relationships behind me before I could even begin to look at the issues and start realizing something wasn't quite right. I knew things were 'wrong', but thought that was just life. It was a smack in the face when I realized how terribly wrong things were while I was growing up. It's still hard to face and accept. Children want to believe their parents are ok and 'normal' and they'll go to great lengths to convince themselves, to their own detriment.
I won't even get into the long list of issues I have now as an adult as a result of growing up with alcoholic parents, but here's a small tip of the iceberg....depression that I've had to fight tooth and nail for years to pull out of, horrible anxiety issues (full blown panic attacks), not knowing what the heck is normal and what isn't normal in basically every situation I'm presented with, inability to get attached to anyone except a dysfunctional alcoholic, inability to make a decision about anything important, guilt, a constant, ever-present, horrible fear of not being enough, doing enough or doing it right in raising my children and the list goes on and on.
Even if you think they don't know what is going on, please trust me on this.... they do. And it's scary, guilt producing, confusing and crushing. I don't mean to be harsh, but it makes me so upset when parents think they can hide alcoholism from their children or that their kids will come out unscathed. That usually doesn't happen. The scars will eventually come and, they're deep.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by NWGRITS 
I grew up in an alcoholic home, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. However, my life experience can help others try to stop the cycle, so here is my recommendation: counseling for the kiddos and Al-Ateen when they're old enough. Model healthy behaviors for them: you are teaching them how to act as adults, what types of relationships to expect as they get older, how to treat their future partner and how they should be treated. If you model enabling codependent behavior, then that's what they're going to learn. You can do things too help keep them somewhat normal amidst the chaos. Getting the alcoholic out of your lives would be ideal, but it's not practical for every family. So, lots of counseling, meetings, and getting yourself into Al-Anon so that you can set a good example for them. Good luck.
bye for a bit.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 62
Flipped, I'm so sorry that you had to go through everything that you have. I'm not intending on keeping anything a secret from the kids. My 3 year old is too little to understand what's going on. My 8 year old gets it to a degree. We have lots of talks about it. He fully understands that daddy has a problem with alcohol and he shouldn't drink it. He doesn't really understand the science part of the alcoholism. He's been asking questions, but I haven't been successful in explaining it in 8 year old terms.
I'm just looking for some guidance on what I can do now. That's not to say that I won't leave ever, but at this moment, we're still together. I'm doing all I can to model good behavior and they are definitely closer to me than their dad, which makes me sad for him. He actually complains that they would rather be with me than with him, but doesn't seem to make the connection that it may be my behavior they prefer.
Grits- how old is old enough for Alateen and counseling?
I'm just looking for some guidance on what I can do now. That's not to say that I won't leave ever, but at this moment, we're still together. I'm doing all I can to model good behavior and they are definitely closer to me than their dad, which makes me sad for him. He actually complains that they would rather be with me than with him, but doesn't seem to make the connection that it may be my behavior they prefer.
Grits- how old is old enough for Alateen and counseling?
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
" they generally have smiles on their faces and are extremely open, talkative and loving. "
Yes. What child of an alcoholic isn't? It's a coping skill so they don't get the snot beat out of them in some cases.
"My older son has seen firsthand all the consequences of out of control drinking (DUIs, jail, license suspension, arguing, vacations/birthdays ruined) "
I am sorry. You are not going to like my answer to this. If you want your kids to have half a chance at normalcy, then REMOVE them from this "role model."
Yes. What child of an alcoholic isn't? It's a coping skill so they don't get the snot beat out of them in some cases.
"My older son has seen firsthand all the consequences of out of control drinking (DUIs, jail, license suspension, arguing, vacations/birthdays ruined) "
I am sorry. You are not going to like my answer to this. If you want your kids to have half a chance at normalcy, then REMOVE them from this "role model."
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
here'stohope....I would suggest to do some reading the stories in the Adult Children Of Alcoholics (ACOA) section of this forum.
You can get the information straight from the adults who were raised with their alcoholic parents. Where the parent stayed with the alcoholic spouse.
That is the real testimony of what it is like inside those homes--from the child's point of view.
dandylion
You can get the information straight from the adults who were raised with their alcoholic parents. Where the parent stayed with the alcoholic spouse.
That is the real testimony of what it is like inside those homes--from the child's point of view.
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
" they generally have smiles on their faces and are extremely open, talkative and loving. "
Yes. What child of an alcoholic isn't? It's a coping skill so they don't get the snot beat out of them in some cases.
Yes. What child of an alcoholic isn't? It's a coping skill so they don't get the snot beat out of them in some cases.
Not saying that this is happening to your child, but just realize that alcoholism really can destroy childhood so badly that a child of an alcoholic will spend the rest of their God given life trying to figure it all out and "become normal"... normal is so foreign to us. I truly do wish you the best, and your children. I know it's not easy for any of you.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
heres2hope. You ask what you can do right now to help your children. I will tell you that honestly---the very best thing you can do for them is to remove alcohol from their lives as soon as possible. They are already feeling the effects of it i n their environment--whether you can "see" that or not. Even little toddlers are like emotional sponges--in that they literally "absorb" the feelings in the environment--even though they might not understand it at an intellectual level.
Children know when something is "wrong" at a very early age. You can believe that your children are much more aware of their father's alcoholism than you know. Children always know m ore than their parents THINK they know. Always...LOL!!
The fact that you are living the chaos and turmoil and conflict that goes along with an alcoholic spouse---this affects YOU. And, children are exquisitely aware o f the feelings and moods or their mothers. It means that that drained-off energy and worry that is used up on your husband is not available for them. It keeps their mother from being all that she can be.
It doesn't matter if you "explain alcoholism to an 8 yr. old---they don't care about the definition--they care about how alcoholism feels (to them). They are too young for a purely intellectual discussion on the subject. Whether you try to hide it or not really doesn't matter....they already know at the feeling level) that something is not right.
I know that I am speaking to you in a very direct manner. But you have asked very directly. You seem concerned about the effects that this might have on your children.
So, I figured that you deserve a very direct answer....LOL!
This is why I wanted to share these thoughts with you....
sincerely,
dandylion
Children know when something is "wrong" at a very early age. You can believe that your children are much more aware of their father's alcoholism than you know. Children always know m ore than their parents THINK they know. Always...LOL!!
The fact that you are living the chaos and turmoil and conflict that goes along with an alcoholic spouse---this affects YOU. And, children are exquisitely aware o f the feelings and moods or their mothers. It means that that drained-off energy and worry that is used up on your husband is not available for them. It keeps their mother from being all that she can be.
It doesn't matter if you "explain alcoholism to an 8 yr. old---they don't care about the definition--they care about how alcoholism feels (to them). They are too young for a purely intellectual discussion on the subject. Whether you try to hide it or not really doesn't matter....they already know at the feeling level) that something is not right.
I know that I am speaking to you in a very direct manner. But you have asked very directly. You seem concerned about the effects that this might have on your children.
So, I figured that you deserve a very direct answer....LOL!
This is why I wanted to share these thoughts with you....
sincerely,
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
It doesn't matter if you "explain alcoholism to an 8 yr. old---they don't care about the definition--they care about how alcoholism feels (to them). They are too young for a purely intellectual discussion on the subject. Whether you try to hide it or not really doesn't matter....they already know at the feeling level) that something is not right.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by dandylion
heres2hope. You ask what you can do right now to help your children. I will tell you that honestly---the very best thing you can do for them is to remove alcohol from their lives as soon as possible. They are already feeling the effects of it i n their environment--whether you can "see" that or not. Even little toddlers are like emotional sponges--in that they literally "absorb" the feelings in the environment--even though they might not understand it at an intellectual level.
Children know when something is "wrong" at a very early age. You can believe that your children are much more aware of their father's alcoholism than you know. Children always know m ore than their parents THINK they know. Always...LOL!!
The fact that you are living the chaos and turmoil and conflict that goes along with an alcoholic spouse---this affects YOU. And, children are exquisitely aware o f the feelings and moods or their mothers. It means that that drained-off energy and worry that is used up on your husband is not available for them. It keeps their mother from being all that she can be.
It doesn't matter if you "explain alcoholism to an 8 yr. old---they don't care about the definition--they care about how alcoholism feels (to them). They are too young for a purely intellectual discussion on the subject. Whether you try to hide it or not really doesn't matter....they already know at the feeling level) that something is not right.
I know that I am speaking to you in a very direct manner. But you have asked very directly. You seem concerned about the effects that this might have on your children.
So, I figured that you deserve a very direct answer....LOL!
This is why I wanted to share these thoughts with you....
sincerely,
dandylion
Children know when something is "wrong" at a very early age. You can believe that your children are much more aware of their father's alcoholism than you know. Children always know m ore than their parents THINK they know. Always...LOL!!
The fact that you are living the chaos and turmoil and conflict that goes along with an alcoholic spouse---this affects YOU. And, children are exquisitely aware o f the feelings and moods or their mothers. It means that that drained-off energy and worry that is used up on your husband is not available for them. It keeps their mother from being all that she can be.
It doesn't matter if you "explain alcoholism to an 8 yr. old---they don't care about the definition--they care about how alcoholism feels (to them). They are too young for a purely intellectual discussion on the subject. Whether you try to hide it or not really doesn't matter....they already know at the feeling level) that something is not right.
I know that I am speaking to you in a very direct manner. But you have asked very directly. You seem concerned about the effects that this might have on your children.
So, I figured that you deserve a very direct answer....LOL!
This is why I wanted to share these thoughts with you....
sincerely,
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 62
I am now convinced that my husband grew up in as a child of alcoholics. I don't think that he's even thought about that and honestly, I didn't even make that connection until about 10 minutes ago. I think he has many, many issues that he needs to deal with. I'm detaching most of the time and doing what I need to to make sure that my children and I are living a normal(as much as possible) life.
Thanks for the advice! You've given me much to chew on. If only I could win the lottery, not the whole thing-just a portion will do, then some of this could be gone!
:
Thanks for the advice! You've given me much to chew on. If only I could win the lottery, not the whole thing-just a portion will do, then some of this could be gone!
:
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I'm still married to my alcoholic husband (he's a perpetual relapser) and we have been separated for a year. I also have two small children who are 1 and 3. My 3 year old knows that daddy is sick and that he drinks stuff that makes him feel bad. She knows that daddy goes to meetings with his friends to learn how to be healthy and she knows that daddy has friends that help him be healthy too. She's too young to know about alcohol but when you take the details out, really, my husband IS going to meetings to learn how to live a healthy life. That's what I do in al-anon too. She's not too young to have an explanation when mom and dad argue. What I've learned in al-anon is that alcoholic families don't talk. About anything and especially not about alcohol use or feelings. So I'm starting my kids young on talking about feelings and the fact one of our family members (really, AH is from a family of alcoholics keeping them from my kids, less crap for them to pick up) drinks stuff that he shouldn't drink and when he does it makes him act weird.
My husband, still does not like that I talk to our kids about his disease but alcoholism IS a family disease. So tough ****. It is my personal opinion, based on what I have learned, that my kids are already predisposed genetically to become alcoholics themselves because dad is an alcoholic. Then to have him ever inebriated around them just ups the ante to the umpteenth degree. So MY personal boundary, as it pertains to my children (because they are so young), is that alcohol shall not be around them and that is my husband has been drinking then he CANNOT be around them.
Being around crazy all the time and living with crazy eventually makes crazy feel like it's comforting. I do not ever want my children to see an active alcoholic in action and not have warning bells going off in their heads. This **** is not normal. These behaviors are not normal. And if there is an open dialogue and a stark contrast from their day to day lives away from their alcoholic family members, then my hope is that I can limit their risk of becoming alcoholics (or any kind of addict) themselves.
My husband isn't a bad man, but he is sick and the kind of sickness he has is catching (to be fair, the kind of sickness I have is catching too, which is why I'm working my own recovery program). I don't want my kids to catch what he has or grow up thinking it's normal. It's not.
She's not too young to have an explanation when mom and dad argue. What I've learned in al-anon is that alcoholic families don't talk. About anything and especially not about alcohol use or feelings. So I'm starting my kids young on talking about feelings and the fact one of our family members (really, AH is from a family of alcoholics keeping them from my kids, less crap for them to pick up) drinks stuff that he shouldn't drink and when he does it makes him act weird. My husband, still does not like that I talk to our kids about his disease but alcoholism IS a family disease. So tough ****. It is my personal opinion, based on what I have learned, that my kids are already predisposed genetically to become alcoholics themselves because dad is an alcoholic. Then to have him ever inebriated around them just ups the ante to the umpteenth degree. So MY personal boundary, as it pertains to my children (because they are so young), is that alcohol shall not be around them and that is my husband has been drinking then he CANNOT be around them.
Being around crazy all the time and living with crazy eventually makes crazy feel like it's comforting. I do not ever want my children to see an active alcoholic in action and not have warning bells going off in their heads. This **** is not normal. These behaviors are not normal. And if there is an open dialogue and a stark contrast from their day to day lives away from their alcoholic family members, then my hope is that I can limit their risk of becoming alcoholics (or any kind of addict) themselves.
My husband isn't a bad man, but he is sick and the kind of sickness he has is catching (to be fair, the kind of sickness I have is catching too, which is why I'm working my own recovery program). I don't want my kids to catch what he has or grow up thinking it's normal. It's not.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
"Being around crazy all the time and living with crazy eventually makes crazy feel like it's comforting. I do not ever want my children to see an active alcoholic in action and not have warning bells going off in their heads. This **** is not normal. These behaviors are not normal."
"to be fair, the kind of sickness I have is catching too, which is why I'm working my own recovery program."
Thank you Stung... you've just strengthened my resolve a little more with those words. They really made me realize that ending the relationship with my alcoholic fiance was the best thing I could have ever done not only for myself, but for my children especially. Also made me realize just how vitally important my recovery is to their future mental health and happiness. I needed to read that tonight.
"to be fair, the kind of sickness I have is catching too, which is why I'm working my own recovery program."
Thank you Stung... you've just strengthened my resolve a little more with those words. They really made me realize that ending the relationship with my alcoholic fiance was the best thing I could have ever done not only for myself, but for my children especially. Also made me realize just how vitally important my recovery is to their future mental health and happiness. I needed to read that tonight.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by FlippedRHalo
"Being around crazy all the time and living with crazy eventually makes crazy feel like it's comforting. I do not ever want my children to see an active alcoholic in action and not have warning bells going off in their heads. This **** is not normal. These behaviors are not normal."
"to be fair, the kind of sickness I have is catching too, which is why I'm working my own recovery program."
Thank you Stung... you've just strengthened my resolve a little more with those words. They really made me realize that ending the relationship with my alcoholic fiance was the best thing I could have ever done not only for myself, but for my children especially. Also made me realize just how vitally important my recovery is to their future mental health and happiness. I needed to read that tonight.
"to be fair, the kind of sickness I have is catching too, which is why I'm working my own recovery program."
Thank you Stung... you've just strengthened my resolve a little more with those words. They really made me realize that ending the relationship with my alcoholic fiance was the best thing I could have ever done not only for myself, but for my children especially. Also made me realize just how vitally important my recovery is to their future mental health and happiness. I needed to read that tonight.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Habit becomes normal.
As my parents get sicker and we children become more and more involved in their lives I realize just how 'not normal" my family is. No A issues, extreme codependency and mental illness top the list. Anyone looking in would think its a picture perfect world and its so not (well maybe not so much now but certainly before they got ill).
Which I imagine is why I am a codependent, and have made really bad choices in relationships my entire life. Life with RAH has been wonderful past two years but ONLY because I got into Al Anon to stop the cycle of codependency and enabling. I used to always choose broken people to be in my life so I could fix them.
My parents came close to divorcing about 25 years ago. We all wish they would have. More so now. Even though we were all out of the house when the pinnacle of their dysfunctional relationship came to light it has still affected us all. They are both good people they just aren't good together. He's the worst co-dependent I have ever encountered and so controlling, really have never seen anything like it. She is manipulative as hell compounded by untreated mental illness. The last 30 years of their marriage has been drama central. Even the smallest decision requires a Supreme Court hearing its mind boggling.
And they have zero idea how nuts it is or how much stress they cause their children.
As my parents get sicker and we children become more and more involved in their lives I realize just how 'not normal" my family is. No A issues, extreme codependency and mental illness top the list. Anyone looking in would think its a picture perfect world and its so not (well maybe not so much now but certainly before they got ill).
Which I imagine is why I am a codependent, and have made really bad choices in relationships my entire life. Life with RAH has been wonderful past two years but ONLY because I got into Al Anon to stop the cycle of codependency and enabling. I used to always choose broken people to be in my life so I could fix them.
My parents came close to divorcing about 25 years ago. We all wish they would have. More so now. Even though we were all out of the house when the pinnacle of their dysfunctional relationship came to light it has still affected us all. They are both good people they just aren't good together. He's the worst co-dependent I have ever encountered and so controlling, really have never seen anything like it. She is manipulative as hell compounded by untreated mental illness. The last 30 years of their marriage has been drama central. Even the smallest decision requires a Supreme Court hearing its mind boggling.
And they have zero idea how nuts it is or how much stress they cause their children.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
good and honest posts--i didn't wake up to parents until after dad died and 3rd child was addicted to crystal meth--am 60 now-- acoa and now naranon-3rd addicted child active--first two sober-praise god--huge toll on my life--going through more of what flipped so articulately describes--will continue self work to basically survive and am praying for better times ahead as i continue work on self care for first time rather than working so hard to rescue others. that has consequences too. the only member of FOO or immediate family to have broken a few of the bonds of caretaking and enmeshment although weak now and dealing with the massive depressive episode with doctors and compassionate people--need to find more support for me now -- glad you are here -- it will help in the ways that are yours to take.
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