No contact New Year
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 123
No contact New Year
Coming back for some well needed support in the New Year! I have been struggling for some time with an on again off again friendship with my xabf since July. In my weakness, I felt pacified by having this distant relationship which consisted of occasional dinners and texts. But this Xmas was my ultimate moment of clarity, which will propel me to No Contact and hopefully peace!
This Xmas eve, he invited me to his family just for a quick visit. I was somewhat hopefull that things would be different and definitely happy to see his family. The weak me of course accepted. I was greeted with disrespect, distance, dishonesty, and rejection on the holiday! I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this!!!!
I'm not sure what happened that night, but I left the engagement with a feeling of strength. I realized there is no point in trying to remain in a friendship because it leads to the same feelings of hurt!!! He is incapable of understanding how he continually hurts me even as friends.
I will pick up the rest of my belongings in a few days when he goes away for the holiday. after that.. I will block him from any contact!
I understand he is no longer responsible for my pain, but rather I am. !!!!
I am so thankful for SR. Letting go for good is so so hard, but everyone on here makes it so much easier for me!
This Xmas eve, he invited me to his family just for a quick visit. I was somewhat hopefull that things would be different and definitely happy to see his family. The weak me of course accepted. I was greeted with disrespect, distance, dishonesty, and rejection on the holiday! I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this!!!!
I'm not sure what happened that night, but I left the engagement with a feeling of strength. I realized there is no point in trying to remain in a friendship because it leads to the same feelings of hurt!!! He is incapable of understanding how he continually hurts me even as friends.
I will pick up the rest of my belongings in a few days when he goes away for the holiday. after that.. I will block him from any contact!
I understand he is no longer responsible for my pain, but rather I am. !!!!
I am so thankful for SR. Letting go for good is so so hard, but everyone on here makes it so much easier for me!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Hey Slothy -- I don't know why or how we get to that point of "enough already" but I'm glad you're there. NC is a good thing. NC is to us codies what not drinking is to alcoholics.
You sound like you have some peace about the decision, and that's a good thing.
You sound like you have some peace about the decision, and that's a good thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 123
I have had enough of his unacceptable behavior and I can finally say I deserve better! And yet....I am so so afraid of my emotions and how I will feel after I do it! I don't want to sink in a pit of sorrow. I have been in that place before! I want peace! Please tell me peace will only come with NC!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Slothy.....Yes, I have been through it and it is not without discomfort.
Do anticipate that you will, undoubtedly go through some grieving over this loss...even while you do observe the no contact. This is normal, expected and necessary for healing.
You may have the classic "withdrawl symptoms", also.
Think of this as short-term pain for long-term gain!
If you haven't read it, already--I highly suggest that you begin reading "Co-dependent No More". It will probably resonate a lot with you.
The most important thing to your life, in the big picture, I think....is to never repeat this same pattern in a new relationship.
This could be a big window of learning opportunity for you...toward self-development and increased self-awareness. Knowledge is power......LOL!
dandylion
Do anticipate that you will, undoubtedly go through some grieving over this loss...even while you do observe the no contact. This is normal, expected and necessary for healing.
You may have the classic "withdrawl symptoms", also.
Think of this as short-term pain for long-term gain!
If you haven't read it, already--I highly suggest that you begin reading "Co-dependent No More". It will probably resonate a lot with you.
The most important thing to your life, in the big picture, I think....is to never repeat this same pattern in a new relationship.
This could be a big window of learning opportunity for you...toward self-development and increased self-awareness. Knowledge is power......LOL!
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I've done both--quit drinking and severed contact with my alcoholic ex-husband. In both cases it was quite uncomfortable only in the beginning, and after not that long it became WONDERFUL and healthy-feeling.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 123
Thanks Lexiecat for that. You are strong and insightful and I applaud you for your sobriety! I have tried before the severing of ties.... So I am all too familiar with those awful emotions! I'm hoping that this third time is the charm and maybe it won't be as painful !!! Wishing everyone on this great forum peace, serenity, and strength!
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