A Heartfelt Plea to our “long-time” SR members and Daily Reminders
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A Heartfelt Plea to our “long-time” SR members and Daily Reminders
I think what DesertEyes (Mike) wrote bears repeating because we need your help!
Dailies courtesy of CatsPajamas:
With grateful thanks, 
Seren
SR Moderator
Originally Posted by DesertEyes
For the "long timers", I need your help.
________________________________________
Hey peeps, we are coming up on "recruiting season" here in the USA. All these drinking holidays means we are going to be getting a lot of new people. Please take a few minutes to read this thread:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Helping a member who is being abused)
I _really_ need everybody to follow these guidelines carefully. If you find that a new member who is being abused is stirring up emotions _please_ let me know. Do not post, there are plenty of other newcomers who also need attention.
The posts that all of you "long timers" make here on SoberRecovery is what makes this website such a haven on the web. I know I can count on you to help me help the newcomers.
Mike
Moderator, SR
________________________________________
Hey peeps, we are coming up on "recruiting season" here in the USA. All these drinking holidays means we are going to be getting a lot of new people. Please take a few minutes to read this thread:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Helping a member who is being abused)
I _really_ need everybody to follow these guidelines carefully. If you find that a new member who is being abused is stirring up emotions _please_ let me know. Do not post, there are plenty of other newcomers who also need attention.
The posts that all of you "long timers" make here on SoberRecovery is what makes this website such a haven on the web. I know I can count on you to help me help the newcomers.
Mike
Moderator, SR
Originally Posted by CatsPajamas
DO's and DON'Ts
Do: Remember how you felt when you first got here. Don't tell other people what they should be doing. Instead, share what YOU did or didn't do and how that worked for you.
Do: Remember how you felt when you first got here. Don't tell other people what they should be doing. Instead, share what YOU did or didn't do and how that worked for you.
Seren
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Daily Dose of Wisdom from CatsPajamas :)
Cats has spoken here on SR about the physically abusive relationship from which she escaped, and her shares always come from the heart of that experience.
Originally Posted by CatsPajamas
Do remember that a large majority of people on this forum are currently in physical danger from their addicted / alcoholic partner, even though they don't share that on the forum. Do remember that these people need to feel safe and welcomed -first and foremost- and only after you have earned their trust for many months will they be receptive to suggestions and gentle direction. Don't assume that just because you benefited from tough love that others will also benefit.
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To each her/his own recovery timetable....
Originally Posted by CatsPajamas
Do: Remember that you had to learn your own life lessons in your own time. Don't belittle or degrade or shame someone else. Many people here are already living in a toxic or abusive situation. They hear it enough at home. They don't need to hear it here as well
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My Mama, bless her, was a big promoter of "using your indoor voice" when my sister and I were growing up. Here, members have a saying:
Say what you mean, mean what you say, but just don't say it mean.
The truth can always be stated in love.
Say what you mean, mean what you say, but just don't say it mean.
The truth can always be stated in love.
Originally Posted by CatsPajamas
Do: Express your concern, if necessary, in a kind and gentle manner. Don't repeat yourself over and over again. It doesn't work. It isn't effective with your A's, and it's not effective here. Learn to say what you need to say and say it once, maybe twice. If you say it more than that you're trying to manipulate and control the outcome.
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Ah, the old "if they would only do what I told them to..." trap. Been there, done that...well, you know the drill. 
No matter how many times I shared the same advice with someone, and no matter how much I truly believed in it and thought it would really help the person with whom I was sharing it....sometimes, they are just NOT going to take the advice....at least right now. Maybe never.
What is that old Al-Anon saying? "Take what you want and leave the rest." I just have to accept that, sometimes, I will have a whole pile of left-over advice still in my own lap
No matter how many times I shared the same advice with someone, and no matter how much I truly believed in it and thought it would really help the person with whom I was sharing it....sometimes, they are just NOT going to take the advice....at least right now. Maybe never.
What is that old Al-Anon saying? "Take what you want and leave the rest." I just have to accept that, sometimes, I will have a whole pile of left-over advice still in my own lap
Originally Posted by CatsPajamas
Do: Be Patient. Don’t put your recovery timetable onto someone else. Each of us does this in our own time, at our own pace.
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For some time, worrying about my stepson really sent me into a tail spin! How could I find joy in anything when it all seemed so dark and hopeless.
For me it started small. I found I could chuckle when I accidentally put my shirt on inside-out. I could giggle along with my oldest grandson when he told me a really bad knock-knock joke. And it's OK...good even...to do so
For me it started small. I found I could chuckle when I accidentally put my shirt on inside-out. I could giggle along with my oldest grandson when he told me a really bad knock-knock joke. And it's OK...good even...to do so
Originally Posted by CatsPajamas
DO remember to laugh. It's OK to have a sense of humor. It's ok to laugh at some of the absurd things going on in your life. Laughing can take away some of the power the situation has over you, and certainly can relieve some of the pain. Don't let the unpleasant circumstances rob you of your joy, or of your ability to laugh.
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