Not so bad.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 13
Not so bad.
Well, 50+ years old and my first Christmas Day spent alone. I went for a motorcycle ride, found a place open for lunch, read SR (as I do every day), had a nap, and I'll finish off the evening with some microwavable Chinese and a movie. It wasn't too bad -- no sadder than all the other days since separation from my STBXAW -- but glad it is drawing to a close :-).
Serenity to all, and my thanks to those who share and care here on SR.
Incidentally, I had been wondering why I have been having such a hard time during this separation. I think this quote from the stickies hit the nail on the head: "Denial: We say to ourselves that our partner really didn't mistreat us. We ignore what happened. To overcome being stuck in denial, we need to feel our anger. Anger reveals what happened that we didn't want, which we might otherwise overlook."
So be it. I had decided that I was not going to let anger be a part of this process, at least on my side. I think I'll stick with my decision, even if it draws out the recovery.
Serenity to all, and my thanks to those who share and care here on SR.
Incidentally, I had been wondering why I have been having such a hard time during this separation. I think this quote from the stickies hit the nail on the head: "Denial: We say to ourselves that our partner really didn't mistreat us. We ignore what happened. To overcome being stuck in denial, we need to feel our anger. Anger reveals what happened that we didn't want, which we might otherwise overlook."
So be it. I had decided that I was not going to let anger be a part of this process, at least on my side. I think I'll stick with my decision, even if it draws out the recovery.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Anger is not necessarily a "bad" emotion. It is just an emotion, it just IS. If what happened to you caused you to have anger, then that is part of your truth. It doesn't mean that you are blaming anyone else, being punitive, revengeful or asking for reparations.
I think, from my experience, that healing means facing the truth of what happened to us, be it good, bad or indifferent. If we suppress any emotions and judge them, then we keep them swallowed and for me, it is hard to recover when I can't or won't express the truth of my experience.
To suppress your anger suggests that you think anger is bad, and for me, that is not true. Anger was one of the emotions I had when I began to wake up emotionally from what I had suffered. Things happened to me that genuinely require anger as a healthy response. Otherwise, I still subjugated parts of myself to my "ideal" of being a loving forgiving person.
I am that, AND I am more that now that I have acknowledged my anger, felt my rage, and dealt with it in all its force and presence. I wasn't mean or punitive, but I faced it and in doing so, I began to let go of it from the deepest recesses of my pain. And that has led me toward more healing than swallowing my rage did.
Take what you want and leave the rest, all said in good faith, and the very best to you through this difficult passage.
ShootingStar1
I think, from my experience, that healing means facing the truth of what happened to us, be it good, bad or indifferent. If we suppress any emotions and judge them, then we keep them swallowed and for me, it is hard to recover when I can't or won't express the truth of my experience.
To suppress your anger suggests that you think anger is bad, and for me, that is not true. Anger was one of the emotions I had when I began to wake up emotionally from what I had suffered. Things happened to me that genuinely require anger as a healthy response. Otherwise, I still subjugated parts of myself to my "ideal" of being a loving forgiving person.
I am that, AND I am more that now that I have acknowledged my anger, felt my rage, and dealt with it in all its force and presence. I wasn't mean or punitive, but I faced it and in doing so, I began to let go of it from the deepest recesses of my pain. And that has led me toward more healing than swallowing my rage did.
Take what you want and leave the rest, all said in good faith, and the very best to you through this difficult passage.
ShootingStar1
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