Butterfly

As you all know I haven't had any contact with him in almost 7 weeks now but he has just texted me saying hello how are u?? What arrangements would you prefer for Xmas day? All very polite but I was Informed by the kids that he had already made arrangements with the kids for Christmas day, he was collecting them at 11.30 to take them to his dad's. So I don't understand why he is contacting me now and asking this.

I don't want to say don't come round, although I don't want him here, but I don't want him to miss out seeing the kids open their presents either. Agh I was looking forward to not seeing him and trying to put him out of my head on what will be a very difficult day as is.

lillamy

If your kids have already made arrangements, I see no reason to respond. Just make sure they're ready and by the door at 11:30 so there's no reason for him to come inside.

Butterfly

I hate not responding I feel as though I'm being ignorant?? It's funny as I almost texted him earlier tonight. I have set up my Christmas table with lots of yummy goodies he always loved this and I wrote the message out to him before I deleted it without sending. The last 61/2 weeks have been so hard not having contact yet I also feel better for it. I know if I see him Christmas Day I will feel so much worse yet I'm torn as I think he should see the kids open their presents but I thought by him arranging to pick them up later he had decided he didn't want to. So confused again.

dandylion

Butterfly....this is all so very hard....because,especially, at Christmas holidaysl we so crave for some normalcy and traditions. I believe that it affects all of us whose lives have suffered from the destructive family effects of the disease.

About your husband: I can see that the natural desire to buffer the edges so as to fix Christmas is pulling at you. Think of it this way: Your desire for him to see the kids open their presents seems stronger than his. If he truly cared enough--he would already have tried very hard to make it so!! He hasn't. But, you are stressing about it--for him!
If he doesn't get to do it--maybe this is a natural consequence of his years o f drinking.
It comes with the territory of alcoholism...these family disruptions. His responsibility.

Your daughter is an adult and your son is old enough to make his desires known. If he and the kids want to have the Christmas morning togetherness---you would have heard it by now. And, they could have had it, I'm sure--even if it meant that you retreated to the bedroom.

As it stands, right now...you will handle it as you see best, of course. However, I would suggest that you just leave plans as they are....and, just try your level best to enjoy Christmas day as it unfolds. Less stress on you. I think you are really the one who is suffering the most about this, anyway.

These are my thoughts, Butterfly. However it unfolds, I would like to see you have the best possible Christmas that you can have.

dandylion

Butterfly

Thank you. I'm going to reply and just tell him he has already made his arrangements with the kids for Christmas day, which he has and leave it at that no how are you or telling him how I am!