walkinganewpath

I've been doing ok dealing with AH and working on myself. Struggling right now as he is falling apart (again...) and his dad is coming tomorrow to stay until the 31st.

He's begging me to keep our family secrets not do some family intervention, etc. Any 'intervention" would be private as I know I have no control and so don't want family trying to stay and "help us" which we all know isn't possible - but they don't get it so they'll try.

Ok so his dad was here when he went into rehab end of august. The LAST thing I want is for his dad to stay here any longer than the holidays as my AH has all his dad's isms and that's the last thing me and my kids need. I know his intentions are good but I'd rather have my AH here and struggling than him here trying to "help"...

I told AH that his drinking issues are his to discuss and that I am avoiding that conversation and over the holidays any questions are going to be put back to him. But also said I am very anxious and that I know FIL is a big trigger and that if they end fighting I will kick both of them out of my house..so something I don't want to see happen.

Please any advice on what to say, how to handle would be helpful. I went to a meeting on Friday, couldnt' get to my Monday meeting and not sure when I can again due to holidays and FIL being here.

Trying to pull it together but sooo struggling

Help please......

NYCDoglvr

Should your husband and his father fight I suggest leaving the room, the house. It is between them and it would be very difficult not to take sides if you're present. Tell them why you're leaving if that helps. Do you have any phone numbers from Alanon? Someone you can call? Or a friend? You need support as well. A very big hug, remember to take care of yourself!

spiderqueen

Not sure I have much advice, but I certainly can empathize. My XA's family was a huge trigger for him; I used to dread their visits, even though I rather liked them.

All of that, plus the holidays, does make for undue stress. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

I wonder if his dad would attend an alanon meeting with you? It might help with the attempts to "help"...

walkinganewpath

Thanks for the advice. I am going to bring my rocker into my bedroom today so I have a place to get away and read, watch tv whatever. I'll also plan to leave with the kids if things get nasty - plenty of places we can go, people we can visit, etc. And while I've never called any of my Al-Anon friends this might be the time to do so

The idea of an Al-Anon meeting for FIL might be a good one. I'll see what happens and suggest it. Of course I know AH is going to try to make it look like he isn't drinking but we all know how well that usually goes.

I woke up this morning and realized that I let myself get all worked up on a future trip and I KNOW BETTER...I need to take a step back, calm myself down, stay in the present and detach.

I have one errand to run this morning then plan to come home, wrap, clean and cook. I'll turn on the tree, play some music and find my peace from the inside.

Thanks...