Husband Has 28 Days Alcohol Free, Big Improvement
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Husband Has 28 Days Alcohol Free, Big Improvement
Well, my husband has made it to 28 days sober from alcohol, while my sobriety has reached 50 days. In these 28 days, our relationship has been pretty good, and I have enjoyed the calm and peace.
Because I am 50 days sober myself, here are some insights I have learned:
(1) The stronger I am in my own recovery, the stronger my husband is in his own recovery, and our relationship is better.
(2) I notice that my husband's personality and behavior when sober is very high energy (this high energy when he is sober is something that I can cope with in our relationship and is not a deal breaker). But I realize why my husband cannot drink alcohol. The alcohol makes his already "out of control" personality way too out of control, even when he is not belligerent. He goes from a 6/10 to an 8 or 9/10 on a 10-point scale, and this energy becomes unmanageable for me, as well as something I don't want to be around.
For example, my husband made a comment last night in bed that was a bit rude and unappealing. I think he made this comment because he was tired and cranky after working overtime at work. Anyways, after he made this comment, he realized what he had said, softened up a bit, and made the situation better for me. I told him that if he was drunk, he would have "ran off" on this inconsiderate comment, or else he would have verbally attacked me if I confronted him about it. He listened.
Basically, I told my husband that he cannot think clearly when he is intoxicated from alcohol, and that this affects our relationship.
Because I am 50 days sober myself, here are some insights I have learned:
(1) The stronger I am in my own recovery, the stronger my husband is in his own recovery, and our relationship is better.
(2) I notice that my husband's personality and behavior when sober is very high energy (this high energy when he is sober is something that I can cope with in our relationship and is not a deal breaker). But I realize why my husband cannot drink alcohol. The alcohol makes his already "out of control" personality way too out of control, even when he is not belligerent. He goes from a 6/10 to an 8 or 9/10 on a 10-point scale, and this energy becomes unmanageable for me, as well as something I don't want to be around.
For example, my husband made a comment last night in bed that was a bit rude and unappealing. I think he made this comment because he was tired and cranky after working overtime at work. Anyways, after he made this comment, he realized what he had said, softened up a bit, and made the situation better for me. I told him that if he was drunk, he would have "ran off" on this inconsiderate comment, or else he would have verbally attacked me if I confronted him about it. He listened.
Basically, I told my husband that he cannot think clearly when he is intoxicated from alcohol, and that this affects our relationship.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by shil2587 
Perhaps you could clarify what you would like from us in response to this post? Are you looking for advice or something else? Give us a better idea, because I don't think many people here are sure.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
Hi JB, I'm glad he's staying sober and I really hope it continues. I bet you're looking forward to Christmas for once.
Looking more forward to Christmas this year. There seems to be a glimmer of hope.
It is nice, however, walking around with my husband with all of the decorations without having to worry about him wanting another beer, and then where that may lead.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
As a recovering alcoholic I'll caution you to focus 100% on your own recovery. I'm concerned that you're linking your recovery to your husbands which is dangerous if one of you relapses. Are you going to meetings, do you have a sponsor. This should be the focus now.
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