love4menotu

Marie I gave it all away.

The loss is profound. He became my best friend, lover, companion and my everything.

I messed up.

Fandy

YOU did not "mess up"....He did.

this is 2014 (almost 2015), Men do NOT boss women around and demand they "wear pants" to work. Do you see how ridicules this is?

we all dress to feel good and that is part of our sense of style and NORMAL. don't apologize for being normal. don't apologize for standing up for yourself.

Imagine a boyfriend who would compliment you on your attire and sense of style....they are out there and would appreciate you.

Hammer

And hey, btw -- the . . . . "Want Someone Who Love Me" . . . . stuff.

Sure. We -- or at least I get that -- but I think most of us here get that.

Top of my Crappy to Happy List was/is:

To Love and Be Loved.

Really -- We Understand.

But it is like Alanon cautions us -- You probably should not go to the Hardware Store and looking to find Bread. Just not likely there.

Sort of like trying to get or give Love with a Career A of any flavor.

Just not likely there.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...appy-list.html

love4menotu

Fandy- I smiled when I read your post.

My parents just called to wish me a Merry Christmas and I realized that I was ashamed to tell them why my boyfriend and I have in fact broken up ..if I told my father that I'm being broken up with because of the way I dress or Facebook or where I work he would tell me to say good riddance.

The fact that I'm ashamed to tell them about this says a lot.

love4menotu

Hammer-

I know I loved him. No doubt about it, I have for years. We've been through so much together I felt like we could conquer anything.

Which is why I dismissed his early suspicions, jealousy and anxieties.

To me they seemed illogical. I mean my thoughts were.... I've been here for you every day for the last nine months drunk or sober ...through rehab and out through early recovery, and this is what pushes you over the edge?!?!?

This stinks.

Hammer

Well, you follow that I am not in the "This Must Be Abuse" camp? [btw, not saying it is or is not or is an elephant or whatever -- just saying I am not in that camp]

All I am saying is that an A (especially at 0 to 12 months) probably is not likely capable of Giving or Receiving Love. And that is just based on what was cautioned me, and my observation of others. But even at 12 months you may just start to see "What You See Is What You Get."

But since we keep looking for it, even though it is not likely there -- that is the Bread at the Hardware Store thing. THAT part -- that part is our part and we can own and correct it.

As far as what -- or this or that, or nothing -- that sets them "off." Dunno. Hard to say what is real. As near as I can tell, they start by being "off," and then look for something or someone else to blame. Best you can do is take care of you, and set your own standards. If they match his/him, things may work. If not -- probably not. But you will be taken care of either way.

love4menotu

Hammer I guess I don't need to quantify anything.

I know that he is unhappy, and he feels that I am the cause.

That is what he thinks.

What I think is that he's letting his anxieties run away with him, but that's my belief, not his, so I may as well be spitting into the wind.

I can't fix it.

So I gotta fix me.

Thank you all for your wisdom and input.

I might book an airplane ticket to go see my family. Better than sitting home alone.

God bless.

Hammer

Indeed. Go with God.