therapist said it would be good for me
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therapist said it would be good for me
So in therapy yesterday, she said it might be a good idea to to practice being me. I told her about SR. She recommended that I give a brief back story of myself. She said it would help me to learn to reach out instead of "shoving it in the vault".
My mom and dad divorced when I was 5. Dad was an alcoholic due to his schizophrenia. He drank to tame the voices. I remember him "going off" in king soopers because the bag of chips we were going to buy was partially opened and he thought they were trying to poison us. My dad loved music and was so nice to my sister and I. He just couldn't hold a job or be a functioning member of society. Mom took us away from him when I was 6. She moved us around all the time. Never the same place for over a year. Sometimes two or three schools in ONE year. My older sister and her never got along. Mom was never really around---she was always "working" but somehow we never had ANYTHING to eat...not exaggerating. Having a can of corn for dinner was main stay. Older sister took care of me.
Until my mom kicked her out of the house when she was 9 on 1-25 in Denver. She was my only "mom". My sis was in and out treatment centers for years and told my mom how she was sexually abused by moms friends son. Mom called her a liar. So she was sent away for behavioral problems.
when I was 10 we moved to nebraska. I was sent to a school with 10 children in it. Mom bought a farm with 800 goats, 200 sheep, like 40 pigs, and cows, chickens, blah blah....problem was mom was out of money. So the animals were starving to death. Mom put us on "carcass removal" where we had to drag their dead bodies over to a big pile. Goats are very sociable creatures and many of the moms who lost their babies would stand by their dead babies and refuse to eat and starve themselves. My step dad threw a cow that broke it's leg into the pen of pigs to feed them before it was even dead. You get the picture. Death was everywhere. Mom sank into a deep depression and quit taking me to school. Favorite words for me were wh0re, parasite, and mistake. She told my doctor to test me for HIV when I was 12 because I was so promiscuous.... a total lie..I was still innocent at the time. I was out in the middle of nowhere. Then HE came along when I was 14 and he was 19. He had FOOD! He cared, he took me off the ranch...he got me pregnant. I ran away from home with him. Then he ditched me. I made an adoption plan for my baby and followed through on it. Then he came back. He "loved me and missed me". I had three children with him and he was very abusive and was addicted to meth and alcohol. He would beat me up and leave for months at a time, then come back. Pregnant with my second child and him being absent...I went to nursing school and completed my LPN. He came back in my life. Finally he got sent to prison for the last time (my last straw) and I said goodbye to him for good. I spent almost two years "self searching", trying to make a better life for me and my children and then I found my AH. He was sober, he had a house, he kept a job, he loved my kids, and he never left.....and now here I am.....ugh
I do feel a little better...hope you all don't think I'm a whack job.......
My mom and dad divorced when I was 5. Dad was an alcoholic due to his schizophrenia. He drank to tame the voices. I remember him "going off" in king soopers because the bag of chips we were going to buy was partially opened and he thought they were trying to poison us. My dad loved music and was so nice to my sister and I. He just couldn't hold a job or be a functioning member of society. Mom took us away from him when I was 6. She moved us around all the time. Never the same place for over a year. Sometimes two or three schools in ONE year. My older sister and her never got along. Mom was never really around---she was always "working" but somehow we never had ANYTHING to eat...not exaggerating. Having a can of corn for dinner was main stay. Older sister took care of me.
Until my mom kicked her out of the house when she was 9 on 1-25 in Denver. She was my only "mom". My sis was in and out treatment centers for years and told my mom how she was sexually abused by moms friends son. Mom called her a liar. So she was sent away for behavioral problems.
when I was 10 we moved to nebraska. I was sent to a school with 10 children in it. Mom bought a farm with 800 goats, 200 sheep, like 40 pigs, and cows, chickens, blah blah....problem was mom was out of money. So the animals were starving to death. Mom put us on "carcass removal" where we had to drag their dead bodies over to a big pile. Goats are very sociable creatures and many of the moms who lost their babies would stand by their dead babies and refuse to eat and starve themselves. My step dad threw a cow that broke it's leg into the pen of pigs to feed them before it was even dead. You get the picture. Death was everywhere. Mom sank into a deep depression and quit taking me to school. Favorite words for me were wh0re, parasite, and mistake. She told my doctor to test me for HIV when I was 12 because I was so promiscuous.... a total lie..I was still innocent at the time. I was out in the middle of nowhere. Then HE came along when I was 14 and he was 19. He had FOOD! He cared, he took me off the ranch...he got me pregnant. I ran away from home with him. Then he ditched me. I made an adoption plan for my baby and followed through on it. Then he came back. He "loved me and missed me". I had three children with him and he was very abusive and was addicted to meth and alcohol. He would beat me up and leave for months at a time, then come back. Pregnant with my second child and him being absent...I went to nursing school and completed my LPN. He came back in my life. Finally he got sent to prison for the last time (my last straw) and I said goodbye to him for good. I spent almost two years "self searching", trying to make a better life for me and my children and then I found my AH. He was sober, he had a house, he kept a job, he loved my kids, and he never left.....and now here I am.....ugh
I do feel a little better...hope you all don't think I'm a whack job.......
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Your childhood sounds absolutely horrid. I am so sorry that is how you grew up. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find peace. Have a very Merry Christmas and I hope the New Year is everything you want it to be for you and your children.
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Originally Posted by Sungrl 
Your childhood sounds absolutely horrid. I am so sorry that is how you grew up. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find peace. Have a very Merry Christmas and I hope the New Year is everything you want it to be for you and your children.
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Your childhood sounds so sad and lonely. You must have felt so helpless. It literally brought me to tears here at work reading this. I want to scoop up little FTS and hold her! You deserved better than that. You deserve better.
We all have to play the cards we're dealt, right? You were dealt a **** hand, but it sounds like you made some excellent plays.
I love hearing how moms get themselves through school despite all the odds. I put myself through school too. I really believe this is one of the best things I ever did for myself, even if the debt is liable to last longer than I will.
We all have to play the cards we're dealt, right? You were dealt a **** hand, but it sounds like you made some excellent plays.
I love hearing how moms get themselves through school despite all the odds. I put myself through school too. I really believe this is one of the best things I ever did for myself, even if the debt is liable to last longer than I will.
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FTS, as your avatar would say "BRAVE, you are!"
That is a whole huge pile of $hit to overcome, and the simple fact that you're here, telling your story, and seeing a therapist to try to get healthy, speaks volumes to the amount of courage and strength within you.
((((Hugs)))), and keep coming back. You're worth it.
That is a whole huge pile of $hit to overcome, and the simple fact that you're here, telling your story, and seeing a therapist to try to get healthy, speaks volumes to the amount of courage and strength within you.
((((Hugs)))), and keep coming back. You're worth it.
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Originally Posted by happybeingme
Thank you for sharing. I am so sad that you had to deal with such abuse. I better understand where you are coming from now. Thank you for the trust
Last edited by freetosmile; 12-19-2014 at 10:32 AM. Reason: typo
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
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Hi Freetosmile,
It sounds to me as if you have survived and are learning how to thrive. This is a beautiful thing. I would bet that you have a natural ability to see the beauty in some of the 'little' things that in reality are not so little but are everything in life. Thanks for sharing your story.
Woman to woman, mother to mother, you sound positively amazing and hopeful. What more could we ask for other than learning to find acceptance of our experience, give ourselves love and kindness and then have the courage to share with others?
It sounds to me as if you have survived and are learning how to thrive. This is a beautiful thing. I would bet that you have a natural ability to see the beauty in some of the 'little' things that in reality are not so little but are everything in life. Thanks for sharing your story.
Woman to woman, mother to mother, you sound positively amazing and hopeful. What more could we ask for other than learning to find acceptance of our experience, give ourselves love and kindness and then have the courage to share with others?
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Strong, determined, inspirational, yes. Whackjob? No, my dear. That would be the people who raised and abused you. With therapy and enough honest determination to be the best you possible, you can completely overcome your past. Thank you for sharing your story!
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Welcome. Therapy was a HUGE help in getting my thoughts processed better. Good on your for going and good on you for letting yourself out.
If it brings you any peace, your story is not unique. It just seems unique inside you.
If it brings you any peace, your story is not unique. It just seems unique inside you.
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You, my dear, are testimony to the inner strength that some humans have who survive and thrive despite the worst odds. Where I come from, people like you are referred to as "Dandelion Children": Children that just keep growing despite all the obstacles life throws your way.
I don't think for a second that you're a whack job. On the contrary, I'm in awe at your strength and ability to fight your way through a life that has been one hell of a rough ride. I hope you can see for yourself what an amazingly strong, capable person you are. Your kids are very blessed to have you in their lives.
I don't think for a second that you're a whack job. On the contrary, I'm in awe at your strength and ability to fight your way through a life that has been one hell of a rough ride. I hope you can see for yourself what an amazingly strong, capable person you are. Your kids are very blessed to have you in their lives.
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Thanks so much all! I enjoy the strength that I draw from this forum and am excited to tell my therapist about my results. I'm so lucky to have my kids. It reminds me of my homemade mothers day card from my 9 year old son. It said " I loved you sense (that's how he spelled it) the day I seen you". I broke out in tears. Sometimes wonder why mom was so cruel...but I'll save THAT for next weeks therapy and will probably never get closure on it anyway. Thanks again...it truly was a relief. I've never told anyone about the ranch.
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FWIW, I would be very PROUD to have you as my child....I admire you very much.
(my own daughter is 33)....You will go far once you dump the baggage.
I was chilled to read about your encounter with the coffee Barista? ( I'm a big fan of Long Island Medium too).
You are so worth it, we are with you...wishing you a HAPPY peaceful Christmas with your kids. they will grow up to admire you too!
(my own daughter is 33)....You will go far once you dump the baggage.
I was chilled to read about your encounter with the coffee Barista? ( I'm a big fan of Long Island Medium too).
You are so worth it, we are with you...wishing you a HAPPY peaceful Christmas with your kids. they will grow up to admire you too!
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