SeriousKarma

Yesterday at work I quietly listened as a coworker of mine lamented this being her first Christmas after separating from her husband of many years. She was finding it very difficult. A few little tears rolled down my cheek. Mostly for for her, and a few for my own lost dreams of the Perfect Family Holiday, but I really wasn't that sad for myself. I should have been. I could have been. If one were to compile a Poor Me Christmas List I think I could be a contender, but for some reason, at this time of year, I'm just not that bothered about my STBXAH not being around.

Later that afternoon, as I drove home (paying no attention to traffic I might add), I pondered this. Why was I so wholly unaffected by my husbands absence at this time of year? Could it be because, as an Army spouse, I'm used to the separation? Naw. That's not it. It's because of The Machete Christmas. (Spoiler alert: This story is kind of boring and it ends with him passing out.)

The Machete Christmas will go down in history as the day I told my daughter her father had a problem with alcohol.

We had planned to have a relaxing Christmas at home, just the three of us. The day had started out fine. We opened presents. My husband had received a beautiful, ornamental machete that my brother had gotten for him while traveling abroad. As the day progressed I noticed my husband sneaking off to the bathroom every 5 to 10 minutes, obviously sneaking booze. And then he started messing around with the machete. Waving it above his head, making jokes. Repeating ad nauseam "It's funny....It's funny...you don't understand...It's funny".

I did understand. It wasn't funny.

I kept praying that he would pass out before things got too weird.

He passed out. That night my daughter asked some very serious and pointed questions about her father's sense of humor and I had to have the conversation I never wanted to have. (In our world the term "The Conversation" has a totally different meaning. Doesn't it?)

So, back to the present. I'm careening down the highway, my mind firmly in the past, and it hits me: I was praying he would pass out before things got too weird?????

What on earth did I think was normal about some boozed-up-machete-weilding-comedian invading the peace of my holiday home like some gleefully malevolent elf.

In hindsight it was a good day. The day when I started recalibrating my compass to true north.

I didn't know what normal was then. I think I'm getting now.

This Holiday Season I wish you all Peace, Joy, and "Normal".

Eauchiche

I spend my evenings alone now with things that make me happy. This holiday season has been MUCH easier than I though possible, and MUCH happier. I don't have to go home to bi***in' and the other accompanying dramas.

I coined a new saying that I frequently use: "If I want drama, I'll go to the theatre and eat popcorn."

SparkleKitty

I have another (boringish) story that ends with someone saying, "...in retrospect, I probably shouldnta given him the machete." Thank you for reminding me of that.

firebolt

Happy NORMAL Christmas to you Karma, and thanks for the inspiration in helping me work towards a normal holiday season!!!

ajarlson

Oh wow, the "I hope he passes out before...". Does that bring back some memories. The last Christmas I was with the AXH I found him passed out in our bed in his own urine and left him there while I took the kids to church. When we got back he woke up and was mad at ME for leaving him there! Yowza. It's still a little stressful at this time of year but the difference is night and day.

lillamy

I was howling with laughter, and recognition, reading this. No, I never had a machete-wielding comedian but sweet succotash, the things I considered "not weird" during my first marriage!!!

Thank you for the very descriptive image -- and I wish you a peaceful machete-free Christmas!

hopeful4

O wow I can so relate to this! I look back at things that were "normal" at the time and just cannot believe it.

For the record, this is my first holiday season separated. We have lots of birthdays and things before Xmas. I usto HATE the holidays, I am sure all of you understand. This year I am replacing the bad with good and having a blast.

XXX

F50Lurker

I remember as a very young child, my alcoholic mother was taking a self defense class (probably to defend herself from my alcoholic father). She thought it would be "funny" to demonstrate how to choke someone. She choked me in the bathtub. Not to the point of danger, but...she was drunk and had her hands around my neck and was laughing. That got discussed in therapy 40 years later, I can assure you!

NYCDoglvr

Oh yea, I had my own rock-bottom Christmas with xrabf. I was sober about 15 years and so was he (he had no program, I did) and we went to Phoenix to visit his dysfunctional family for the holiday. I knew his sister is an active alcoholic, but hadn't been around her for any length of time. Well this time she was staggeringly drunk. His mother asked me to wake her up Christmas morning and she was passed out with an empty bottle of vodka. It freaked me out so I walked outside and just cried. I was stuck in this hellish situation. Called my AA sponsor in New York and she suggested I call the airline and just leave. So I did, I got a flight later that day. Suddenly I just didn't care any longer about boyfriend and his screwed up family. By mid-January I got him to move out of my apartment and then started daily Alanon meetings.

Since then I've been alone at Christmas a few times and didn't mind a bit!

SeriousKarma

Good Lord! That sounds horrible. I'm glad you were ok.

My husband use to do this "silly choke-hold" thing sometimes when he was tipsy. (Maybe he still does. I don't know.) I think maybe he was trying to prove to himself that he could maintain, or cover the drinking, by acting lighthearted and cavalier. It never worked.

bird13

Lmao!!! That really made me laugh..... "Before things got too weird??" This was written in a very funny way. Funny because how often is a machette brought up// My counselor was trying to impinge upon me the many ways alcoholism can "get them" other than failing livers, and her main point was they do stupid stuff like this while drunk and end up harming themselves or others. I always felt her examples were too extreme and she is a little exaggerative. Not now. This story backs that up, and to add to it after she told me that I also saw my exABF with a machette this past weekend in the woods with our friends on a "cabin weekend getaway". Our friend said: how does he manage to throw a machette so spot on after an entire bottle of ___! Amazing!" I wanted to reply: seasoned drinker. That's how.


Thats safe. Lets drink and throw sharp tools around. Someone could lose an arm.

SeriousKarma

Wow. I knew people would relate parts of my story, but I never thought it would be specifically about the machete!

Seren

Oh, brother! Thank you for sharing this story, SeriousKarma...reminds me a bit of one Christmas we refer to as 'Crack Christmas'.

Good times with my stepson...things we did that I just can't believe. All to try to protect ourselves from a young man who, at that time, was very dangerous.

Hoping for a much brighter holiday for all!

bird13

SeriousKarma,

That's why your post was so surprising to me too!! I just saw that this past week. I honestly need to take the therapist more seriously. These people have years of experience seeing the same thing day in and day out. I just really thought - there is a one in a million chance something that serious would ever happen! That would really be a freak accident. I guess not. The more they drink the more ballsy they become I guess and underestimate the effects of drinking. these posts are SO helpful in remembering the facts!!!