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Finding myself in a weird position as I get healthier

Old 12-18-2014, 03:44 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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back in the beginning when i noticed my codependency issues and started saying NO, i started to notice people not around to "use me" as much...lol, where not friends after all...

i wrote about this way back when i 1st started...it does get easier, slowly...i guess we have to way out the BAD before we get the GOODS right? lol

all the best!
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Old 12-18-2014, 03:44 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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back in the beginning when i noticed my codependency issues and started saying NO, i started to notice people not around to "use me" as much...lol, where not friends after all...

i wrote about this way back when i 1st started...it does get easier, slowly...i guess we have to way out the BAD before we get the GOODS right? lol

all the best!
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Old 12-18-2014, 04:05 PM
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^^ so sorry peoples...
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Old 12-18-2014, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
I have been able to deal with and understand, even if I have felt hurt, with the friends who have left me...

This is harder because this friend has been there, is great, and I love her.

But I am having an exceedingly hard time dealing with the non stop codie behavior from her toward men that she wants my constant reassurance and commentary about...

Sigh....
Maybe you just need a break, not a break up. If the situation with the men is a touchy one for you then don't talk about it.

Sounds like there is more to her than her poor choice in men.
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Old 12-18-2014, 06:13 PM
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I like whoever said thinking about it as a stage.

I needed to take a break from some of my relationships. Though wonderful they were formed in a time that I was enmeshed in codependency and often that is what attracted me to a person.

Some of my relationships have weathered this change, some have not. Just recently (it has taken me awhile) I have been willing to explore new relationships because I think I am ready.

There is a big difference between talking about problems and challenges in life and it being part of "healing" vs a perpetuation of the problem. I am starting to find people in my life who are willing to look at their own stuff. It has been lonely at times, but also very necessary. It has given me some time to figure out me.
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Old 12-19-2014, 06:25 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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^^ this right here^^
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Old 12-19-2014, 06:45 AM
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You know, the "break" idea is good because that way you don't have to terminate the friendship just yet.

Tell her you are coping with so much with your divorce you really can't "be there" to hear all of the stuff because you are dealing with so much of your own, and step back a bit.

After some time passes, you can see if she is still in the same "complain but don't change" loop with you and act accordingly. No rush.

How does a quiet and peaceful home for the holidays feel, by the way?
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