Blogs


Notices

Coincidence? Doubtful....

Old 12-17-2014, 10:11 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Coincidence? Doubtful....

Having a BANNER day...

Just got emails from my kids teachers that they are concerned about "angry" outbursts from them in the last - ready- 2 weeks...

Teachers havent wanted to say anything, thinking it was short lived, but both girls are not working as expected, missing recess now due to acting out, and school is concerned.

School is asking if anything is going on that would explain this.

Gee... can't imagine... Ummm, maybe the fact that 2 weeks ago they started overnights with Dad again after 2+ years? The fact that he told DD9 she was a "fattie" on Saturday night (her physical last week FYI showed she is 51 inches and 60 lbs so NOT fat at all), told DD6 she need not return to stay with him if she isnt going to "respect" him...

Things SUCK for the kids.

I feel like I sold my soul to the devil by agreeing to overnights vs having a hearing and my kids who NEVER have been a behavior issue EVER are now both in trouble at school.

I want to cry but I am at work so I cant so I am emailing you all.
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
CodeJob (12-17-2014), firebolt (12-17-2014), Florence (12-17-2014), freetosmile (12-17-2014), MissFixit (12-17-2014), NYCDoglvr (12-17-2014), POAndrea (12-18-2014), Rosiepetal (12-17-2014), Sikofit (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 10:16 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
The school can be a big help to you here. Don't look at it as they are 'in trouble' - teachers and guidance counselors, school social worker will help if they know what is going on at home. I sent our school social worker a gift last spring before school was out as she was so helpful that I don't know how we would have made it through the year without her. Make an appointment to come into school and let the teachers and guidance know what your girls are facing in their lives. Take the support.
Santa is offline  
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to Santa For This Useful Post:
Bullfrog (12-17-2014), CodeJob (12-17-2014), dandylion (12-17-2014), firebolt (12-17-2014), FireSprite (12-17-2014), freetosmile (12-17-2014), hopeful4 (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), LexieCat (12-17-2014), lillamy (12-17-2014), MissFixit (12-17-2014), NYCDoglvr (12-17-2014), POAndrea (12-18-2014), Rosiepetal (12-17-2014), Sungrl (12-17-2014), thelionhearted (12-17-2014), theuncertainty (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 10:19 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Ditto what Santa said. Use those resources!!
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
Florence (12-17-2014), hopeful4 (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 10:21 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
The school knows what is going on.... that is part of what is upsetting. They arent going to help. They suggest the girls go to therapy. Which they are already in. I want to email back and say "I cant control their ******** dad"
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
Florence (12-17-2014), freetosmile (12-17-2014), hopeful4 (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 10:39 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
MissFixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Have you told their therapist?

If Dad says that she/they don't come visit if they don't respect him, well maybe they stop going per his request?
MissFixit is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MissFixit For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 10:43 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by MissFixit View Post
Have you told their therapist?

If Dad says that she/they don't come visit if they don't respect him, well maybe they stop going per his request?
Havent told the therapist theyre in trouble at school.... Just found out about 45 min ago...

Therapist is worried about their overnights too. Kids have told her it has been bad and they dont want to go.

It sucks and I am upset and just venting... I dont think I can do a damn thing to fix it and make his visits stop right now.... And my kids are suffering. And I knew they would.
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), MissFixit (12-17-2014), theuncertainty (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 10:44 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Florence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Time to call CPS. Or have the therapist call CPS.
Florence is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Florence For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (12-17-2014), hopeful4 (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), MissFixit (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 10:53 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 29
Who did you get an email from? Was it school administration? Teachers? Maybe you can meet with the teachers in person?

I have similar behavioral issues w/ my kids when they talk to their dad (never mind when they visit their dad - that is a whole 'nother level of behavior issues) - and it always helps if I talk to the teachers in person. It sort of "humanizes" it for the teachers.

And, of course you know this, but DOCUMENT all this!
LittleBirds3 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to LittleBirds3 For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 11:03 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
wanttobehealthy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
It was from both girls teachers... with the Principal cc'd
wanttobehealthy is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wanttobehealthy For This Useful Post:
ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), MissFixit (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 11:08 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,566
Blog Entries: 10
Ugh. I am so very sorry.

Tight, tight hugs.
hopeful4 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to hopeful4 For This Useful Post:
Florence (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), MissFixit (12-17-2014), theuncertainty (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 11:20 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
This can be good ammo for you. I know that the last thing you want to do is get into another custody fight, but be patient. If they're acting up in school -- where they usually feel safe -- they'll probably act up with him, too.

And I want to do bad things to that man. Being a feminine hygiene product bag to your ex wife is one thing, being it to your children is unforgivable.
lillamy is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (12-17-2014), Florence (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), theuncertainty (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 11:20 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
And that was a very testosterone response right there. I also wanted to say I know that pain. I've had similar issues with my kids. Just keep doing what you're doing and trust that things will come out OK. (((hugs)))
lillamy is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), theuncertainty (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 11:31 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Guest
 
freetosmile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Blog Entries: 3
My personal take on this is that those kiddos shouldn't have to go see dad if they are going to get called names. HOW RIDICULOUS!!!!

I personally would not call CPS because once you let them in, it is incredibly difficult to get them out of your life.

But I would reconsider having a hearing --if you are at the point that you can still do that.

If it were ME and I know it is not (but I do know what it's like to be called names and such) I would not make my children go. And if you are found in contempt of court I would say yes, I am because of the verbal abuse my children were suffering at the hands of ex.

I would start documenting what the kids say when they come back from dads. Save the emails from the school and start a timeline...like the behavior at school started during the time they started visits with dad. No opinions of course, just facts.

I would NOT make them go. Courts be damned...they don't need that crap. NO WAY!! this is their youth, their ONLY shot at building a good foundation of self-esteem. I get really upset when it comes to name calling, because it really hits home with me. Mom used to call me all sorts of stuff... parasite was her fav. (thanks mom)......And it still messes with me to this day. I've been in counseling for a while now and the names that I got called and STILL get called get discussed frequently.

(((((hugs))))))
freetosmile is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to freetosmile For This Useful Post:
Florence (12-17-2014), hopeful4 (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 11:39 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Florence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Short of calling CPS, call and meet with the school counselor. Let them know what's going on, how it's been long-term, very traumatic, and the effects on the girls. Work out a behavioral plan.
Florence is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Florence For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (12-17-2014), hopeful4 (12-17-2014), Santa (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 11:44 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
It was from both girls teachers... with the Principal cc'd
If it were me I'd respond,

"Yes, as you are WELL aware I have concerns for my children & am doing my best to navigate this situation. Both girls have been in counseling for some time now. I have NO CONTROL over the influence that their dad has on them now that the courts have granted him visitation including overnight stays, which started 2 weeks ago..... precisely when you started noticing this behavior in your classrooms. I would love for you to hear FIRST HAND from their therapist how we are addressing these issues & welcome any CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions you may have. Can we set up a meeting with both teachers, principal, therapist & me?"

I realize... it may not be that easy.
FireSprite is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post:
Florence (12-17-2014), hopeful4 (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), LexieCat (12-17-2014), lillamy (12-17-2014), marie1960 (12-17-2014), shil2587 (12-18-2014), theuncertainty (12-17-2014), wanttobehealthy (12-17-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:59 AM.