Coincidence? Doubtful....

Old 12-17-2014, 10:11 AM
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Coincidence? Doubtful....

Having a BANNER day...

Just got emails from my kids teachers that they are concerned about "angry" outbursts from them in the last - ready- 2 weeks...

Teachers havent wanted to say anything, thinking it was short lived, but both girls are not working as expected, missing recess now due to acting out, and school is concerned.

School is asking if anything is going on that would explain this.

Gee... can't imagine... Ummm, maybe the fact that 2 weeks ago they started overnights with Dad again after 2+ years? The fact that he told DD9 she was a "fattie" on Saturday night (her physical last week FYI showed she is 51 inches and 60 lbs so NOT fat at all), told DD6 she need not return to stay with him if she isnt going to "respect" him...

Things SUCK for the kids.

I feel like I sold my soul to the devil by agreeing to overnights vs having a hearing and my kids who NEVER have been a behavior issue EVER are now both in trouble at school.

I want to cry but I am at work so I cant so I am emailing you all.
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Old 12-17-2014, 10:16 AM
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The school can be a big help to you here. Don't look at it as they are 'in trouble' - teachers and guidance counselors, school social worker will help if they know what is going on at home. I sent our school social worker a gift last spring before school was out as she was so helpful that I don't know how we would have made it through the year without her. Make an appointment to come into school and let the teachers and guidance know what your girls are facing in their lives. Take the support.
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Old 12-17-2014, 10:19 AM
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Ditto what Santa said. Use those resources!!
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Old 12-17-2014, 10:21 AM
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The school knows what is going on.... that is part of what is upsetting. They arent going to help. They suggest the girls go to therapy. Which they are already in. I want to email back and say "I cant control their ******** dad"
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Old 12-17-2014, 10:39 AM
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Have you told their therapist?

If Dad says that she/they don't come visit if they don't respect him, well maybe they stop going per his request?
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Old 12-17-2014, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by MissFixit View Post
Have you told their therapist?

If Dad says that she/they don't come visit if they don't respect him, well maybe they stop going per his request?
Havent told the therapist theyre in trouble at school.... Just found out about 45 min ago...

Therapist is worried about their overnights too. Kids have told her it has been bad and they dont want to go.

It sucks and I am upset and just venting... I dont think I can do a damn thing to fix it and make his visits stop right now.... And my kids are suffering. And I knew they would.
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Old 12-17-2014, 10:44 AM
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Time to call CPS. Or have the therapist call CPS.
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Old 12-17-2014, 10:53 AM
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Who did you get an email from? Was it school administration? Teachers? Maybe you can meet with the teachers in person?

I have similar behavioral issues w/ my kids when they talk to their dad (never mind when they visit their dad - that is a whole 'nother level of behavior issues) - and it always helps if I talk to the teachers in person. It sort of "humanizes" it for the teachers.

And, of course you know this, but DOCUMENT all this!
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:03 AM
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It was from both girls teachers... with the Principal cc'd
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:08 AM
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Ugh. I am so very sorry.

Tight, tight hugs.
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:20 AM
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This can be good ammo for you. I know that the last thing you want to do is get into another custody fight, but be patient. If they're acting up in school -- where they usually feel safe -- they'll probably act up with him, too.

And I want to do bad things to that man. Being a feminine hygiene product bag to your ex wife is one thing, being it to your children is unforgivable.
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:20 AM
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And that was a very testosterone response right there. I also wanted to say I know that pain. I've had similar issues with my kids. Just keep doing what you're doing and trust that things will come out OK. (((hugs)))
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:31 AM
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My personal take on this is that those kiddos shouldn't have to go see dad if they are going to get called names. HOW RIDICULOUS!!!!

I personally would not call CPS because once you let them in, it is incredibly difficult to get them out of your life.

But I would reconsider having a hearing --if you are at the point that you can still do that.

If it were ME and I know it is not (but I do know what it's like to be called names and such) I would not make my children go. And if you are found in contempt of court I would say yes, I am because of the verbal abuse my children were suffering at the hands of ex.

I would start documenting what the kids say when they come back from dads. Save the emails from the school and start a timeline...like the behavior at school started during the time they started visits with dad. No opinions of course, just facts.

I would NOT make them go. Courts be damned...they don't need that crap. NO WAY!! this is their youth, their ONLY shot at building a good foundation of self-esteem. I get really upset when it comes to name calling, because it really hits home with me. Mom used to call me all sorts of stuff... parasite was her fav. (thanks mom)......And it still messes with me to this day. I've been in counseling for a while now and the names that I got called and STILL get called get discussed frequently.

(((((hugs))))))
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:39 AM
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Short of calling CPS, call and meet with the school counselor. Let them know what's going on, how it's been long-term, very traumatic, and the effects on the girls. Work out a behavioral plan.
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Old 12-17-2014, 11:44 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
It was from both girls teachers... with the Principal cc'd
If it were me I'd respond,

"Yes, as you are WELL aware I have concerns for my children & am doing my best to navigate this situation. Both girls have been in counseling for some time now. I have NO CONTROL over the influence that their dad has on them now that the courts have granted him visitation including overnight stays, which started 2 weeks ago..... precisely when you started noticing this behavior in your classrooms. I would love for you to hear FIRST HAND from their therapist how we are addressing these issues & welcome any CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions you may have. Can we set up a meeting with both teachers, principal, therapist & me?"

I realize... it may not be that easy.
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