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spoke with the children

Old 12-17-2014, 08:23 AM
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spoke with the children

We spoke with the children about AH going to treatment. They were very receptive to it. My eldest daughter (14) was somewhat harsh with him, but I can't say I blame her.

He went in for a drug and alcohol eval Sunday. He asked me to go with him. Wow. His history with alcohol is so extensive. I had no idea.

Hopefully, once the insurance approves it, he'll be off and running. He hasn't drank in the past two nights. He was sober for the talk with the kids. We wouldn't have done it if he wasn't.

I'm pretty sure he will be drinking tonight.

Still making the tiny little jabs at me.... ie " that's right, you don't need any fixing, I forgot"...."why don't you just focus on your codependent thing"...."are you sure you don't know that guy with all the tattoos on his arm?" " you have never cared about my opinions anyway"

BS like that. I just didn't respond or engage....but yeah. It still hurts my feelings. He is just sure I'm going to sleep with the whole town (and probably the surrounding area) while he's gone. Because of our infinite wealth, I'm sure it will make it really easy for me. Because we have five children and three pets, I'm sure that is going to be the FIRST thing I spend my time on.....it's hurtful and dumb. so very very dumb.

Missed al-anon due to snow storm.

I JUST WANT HIM TO GO! So do the kids I think.....it's like walking on damn egg shells. Thank god his doctor gave him a small (20) ativan to help with DT's...my fear is that he'll just use them and drink at the same time. But whatever...not my problem I guess.
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Old 12-17-2014, 08:58 AM
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I am glad he is going, however he still seems to be focusing on your issues, not his. Unfortunately, rehab may not fix that.

I hope he goes for your own sanity and that of your children. I will pray he goes and that he embraces recovery.

XXX
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Old 12-17-2014, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
I am glad he is going, however he still seems to be focusing on your issues, not his. Unfortunately, rehab may not fix that.

I hope he goes for your own sanity and that of your children. I will pray he goes and that he embraces recovery.

XXX
Oh my yes....all of his concerns are wrapped up in how many men I am going to sleep with in his absence. I've NEVER been unfaithful to him...but according to him I have at least 4 or 5 times. I am fearful that rehab won't help that behavior.....and if it doesn't and he stays sober...will I still continue to take that verbal BS from him? I hope that I get better in my own recovery to be able to say no.
The cheating thing really is so insulting and degrading.

Although, I do have to share something funny here:
we see the same therapist- just separately:
I was telling my therapist about his ranting on me cheating. She nodded and said "Do you know what I told him about that?"
Me: "what?"
Therapist (breaks out in song) "if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife..." HA HA...I guess that shut him up. I laughed so hard when she told me that.

At least we could laugh about it, I guess.
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Old 12-17-2014, 10:10 AM
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My ex was like this. The "little jabs" are expressions of hostility. The accusations of infidelity were expressions of his inability to trust another human being. Interestingly, I never cheated on him, and we've been divorced 3 years and I have yet to begin dating. (There you see my 20-years-with-an-alcoholic trust issues on display.) He, however, was on match dot com right away and had a new steady GF about a week after he moved out from our family home.

I lived with this type of hostility and distrust for decades - there is nothing more destructive to intimacy. Wish I could give you hope that he will come out a new man.
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Old 12-17-2014, 01:45 PM
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You have a great disposition about all of this, I couldn't help but LOL at your "infinite wealth".....

Will he be gone for the holidays? I kinda hope so! That way you & the kids can have a peaceful, drama-free holiday. (((((HUGS))))
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Old 12-17-2014, 02:07 PM
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My X still thinks I cheated on him (which I did not). I have come to the realization that is b/c he is such a cheater that he thinks I MUST have cheated on him too. Quack, whatever. I don't engage in that sort of crap.

I too hope he is going to be gone for the holidays for your peace. I know when my X was in rehab I felt much more at ease b/c I knew he was safe and not drinking.
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