dandylion

yourpowell....remember this: It is the short-term pain for long-term gain.

Looking back...I think you will be glad that you had the strength and courage to do this for your child!!

dandylion

bird13

A good friend told me the other day, his father built a room in the basement just to drink. It is like the hotel, just to drink. Whether in the house or out of the house, no one else gets him even if he says he is "done with your marriage." The disease has him. Lexicat made a good point, he may very well rinse and repeat. Coming back to say sorry and go there again.. He is not making these statements or choices based on a clear minded vision of hia feelings for you, or his own life but merely on the physical compulsion to drink.

My friend's father was in the house, but he said he might as well have been elsewhere, because it didnt mean his dad was "home" anyway and it saddened the whole family. Im sorry to read this, I cant imagine the agony you must be in. Ask God for help. And try to find someone kn Al-Anon you can call even if it is late @ night and you need to talk.. ((Hug))

yourpowell1

Thank you all for your uplifting support. I have read the posts daily and they are helping me to try and not take this personally. This has been a life altering experience and I am praying daily that one day this will make sense to me. Right now, I feel like I have lost my best friend, my lover, my husband, all rolled into one. What feels awful is he is walking around out there, not dead, but gone from my life.

I've never loved a man as I have loved him. We simply "got each other". I'm questioning my judgement now and could he have been in a haze throughout our entire time together. If so how unhealthy am I to have been so in love with someone whose reality has been distorted? This scares me.

Lakedays

He is not that man right now...

This much I know for sure: My husband might think I am the problem or that if this happened or I handled things differently (which likely meant I ignore it all), he wouldn't drink. But this guy loves his children unapologetically... and if he wasn't sick, if his brain wasn't being fueled by alcohol, he'd never have done what he did. It has nothing whatsoever to do with whether you are loved or loveable. It is the hardest thing ever to understand, but he is not thinking with his brain and you are mostly talking to alcohol. Nothing to be accomplished there for sure.

I spent a lot of time thinking I was doing the right thing for my kids and that the family was most important. So I stayed, and stayed and stayed. But now... kids grown and the rest... I am wondering how many dreams I lost for myself because he sucked all the oxygen in our lives. Hard as it is, I am here to merely suggest that there are many kinds of families, but the happy ones are those where peace exists and it's a safe place to fall.

There is absolutely nothing that feels safe to a kid living with an active alcoholic. Nothing. You are doing the absolutely best thing for you and your daughter, and ultimately your husband. He is a big boy. He can take care of himself - or not. But do not turn around now and offer to help him so much as to drive to detox. Do not engage in phone or texts. It is out of your hands.... and you have to keep it that way.

Be careful of slipping into Mommy mode and try to make it all better. Life is full of regrets, but there are some you can so easily avoid. When you are unsure of what to do, there is nothing that says you have to do anything. You made the right decision. My husband just basically refused to ever leave!!! Nightmarish.