Paranoia
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Paranoia
I used to get all wrapped up in AH's paranoia and sometimes I even believed some of it because he made such a great case against the government, the banks, his company, the insurance agencies who are trying to steal our money, etc. Now, I can sit back and do my best to NOT engage and NOT try to convince him he's crazy or wrong or delusional.
Currently, with him taking over the finances, he's having a freak out. He got in my face in front of our son last week about some new credit cards I had and tried to bait me and push my buttons to get me to 'explain' why I had paid so much towards these accounts.
He's freaking out and told me this AM that he goes to the bank every day. He can't figure out the online system for accessing the statements and when I tried to help him, he told me his computer search engine just doesn't work and doesn't communicate with the bank. Really?? Hmm, well, we have the same computer and same browser and I can access the account. I gave up helping. He wants to be dramatic and paranoid and insane and I want no part of it.
He seems to think that there's some special hidden place where we're leaking money and by going to the bank every day that he will find this special hidden place. No joke. I can't imagine what the tellers think every time he shows up!
Sigh....this is sad, and I'm trying to stay out of it. But, it's also scary because he's inspecting every penny I've spent over the last 6 months and we all know I've confessed I've been shopping a lot more than usual. The cards are mostly paid off except for the one at the bank and I'm reigning in my spending now that I'm done with Christmas shopping, etc.
And, what drives me crazy is that this is the man who, when I was freaking out over a $400 car repair, told me, "Hey, $400 or $4000, what's the difference?" "It's just money, Liz, you can't take it with you."
UGH.....no consistency with this man and now I'm doing my best to NOT join the freak out and stay the course and call my lawyer and organize my sh*t, etc. The best I can stay on top of the finances myself, the better off I will be. I watch every single account every day....until he got us locked out over the weekend because he freaked out over the password thing and messed it up for both of us.
Oh, this is so not fun. I am still planning on filing mid-January. I have a realtor coming over to see the house after the holidays to help me figure out what needs to be spruced up, fixed, organized, etc. I can't wait for this month to be over!
Currently, with him taking over the finances, he's having a freak out. He got in my face in front of our son last week about some new credit cards I had and tried to bait me and push my buttons to get me to 'explain' why I had paid so much towards these accounts.
He's freaking out and told me this AM that he goes to the bank every day. He can't figure out the online system for accessing the statements and when I tried to help him, he told me his computer search engine just doesn't work and doesn't communicate with the bank. Really?? Hmm, well, we have the same computer and same browser and I can access the account. I gave up helping. He wants to be dramatic and paranoid and insane and I want no part of it.
He seems to think that there's some special hidden place where we're leaking money and by going to the bank every day that he will find this special hidden place. No joke. I can't imagine what the tellers think every time he shows up!
Sigh....this is sad, and I'm trying to stay out of it. But, it's also scary because he's inspecting every penny I've spent over the last 6 months and we all know I've confessed I've been shopping a lot more than usual. The cards are mostly paid off except for the one at the bank and I'm reigning in my spending now that I'm done with Christmas shopping, etc.
And, what drives me crazy is that this is the man who, when I was freaking out over a $400 car repair, told me, "Hey, $400 or $4000, what's the difference?" "It's just money, Liz, you can't take it with you."
UGH.....no consistency with this man and now I'm doing my best to NOT join the freak out and stay the course and call my lawyer and organize my sh*t, etc. The best I can stay on top of the finances myself, the better off I will be. I watch every single account every day....until he got us locked out over the weekend because he freaked out over the password thing and messed it up for both of us.
Oh, this is so not fun. I am still planning on filing mid-January. I have a realtor coming over to see the house after the holidays to help me figure out what needs to be spruced up, fixed, organized, etc. I can't wait for this month to be over!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Liz,
Good for you for venting here. I know how your life is crazy living with him. You just need to stay calm and do what you are doing. Don't engage with his crazyness.
I just got a divorce, and sold my home. It is very stressful, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Stick to your path, stay strong and you can do what ever you need to do. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Good for you for venting here. I know how your life is crazy living with him. You just need to stay calm and do what you are doing. Don't engage with his crazyness.
I just got a divorce, and sold my home. It is very stressful, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Stick to your path, stay strong and you can do what ever you need to do. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Let it slide right off your back. He may moan and groan, go to the bank, whatever. Let him. Let him be mad, it really does not make a difference. I would let him quack away and go on about my business.
Tight hugs...
Tight hugs...
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
I have a feeling I may be doing a lot of venting soon, LOL!
You know what he has sitting on his desk for me to see (right next to the family printer)? A naughty list....OK, it's not titled that but it's a list of charges from MY things like audible.com, amazon purchases, Ann Taylor credit card, etc. None of his stuff is listed and he's made it all nice and neat for a spreadsheet. How nice of him to add that all up for me, ugh! Just infuriating at this point.
You know what he has sitting on his desk for me to see (right next to the family printer)? A naughty list....OK, it's not titled that but it's a list of charges from MY things like audible.com, amazon purchases, Ann Taylor credit card, etc. None of his stuff is listed and he's made it all nice and neat for a spreadsheet. How nice of him to add that all up for me, ugh! Just infuriating at this point.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
omg FLASHBACK..
So to relate to your fury feelings I'll share. When my A starting getting really out of control, I used to call his parents. I think they were worse to him than the police. That would be the only way I could get him to stop. This would be after an hour + of alcoholic rage torment etc.
They would come over and try to talk to him and he would provide his tale of woe and one of his go-to's was money.. lack of.. one night, he disappeared for a minute...he went and printed a summary report of what I spent at Dunkin Donuts.
He marched back into the conversation as if he had found the smoking freaking gun. Prouder than a peacock.
LOOK AT THIIIIISSSSSS....... DO YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOINGGGGGGGG
I just stood there. I mean are you kidding me? He was spending (CHARGING) $600 + a month on beer and cigarettes.
all you have is coffee???
Just thought I would share. Maybe you feel a little better or maybe you chuckled at the ducks a little...
So to relate to your fury feelings I'll share. When my A starting getting really out of control, I used to call his parents. I think they were worse to him than the police. That would be the only way I could get him to stop. This would be after an hour + of alcoholic rage torment etc.
They would come over and try to talk to him and he would provide his tale of woe and one of his go-to's was money.. lack of.. one night, he disappeared for a minute...he went and printed a summary report of what I spent at Dunkin Donuts.
He marched back into the conversation as if he had found the smoking freaking gun. Prouder than a peacock.
LOOK AT THIIIIISSSSSS....... DO YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOINGGGGGGGG
I just stood there. I mean are you kidding me? He was spending (CHARGING) $600 + a month on beer and cigarettes.
all you have is coffee???
Just thought I would share. Maybe you feel a little better or maybe you chuckled at the ducks a little...
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 213
Oh, this puts my stomach in the topsy turvey stage. I think there are some of us that completely understand.
It is now my theory, that this is done to make you feel as bad as they do when the light is shun on the drinking, or addictive behavior. "
"So what if I drink like a fish and scare everyone in the house: you spend money on , on, uh.... COFFEE, ya, that's it..."
It is now my theory, that this is done to make you feel as bad as they do when the light is shun on the drinking, or addictive behavior. "
"So what if I drink like a fish and scare everyone in the house: you spend money on , on, uh.... COFFEE, ya, that's it..."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by changeneeded 
Oh, this puts my stomach in the topsy turvey stage. I think there are some of us that completely understand.
It is now my theory, that this is done to make you feel as bad as they do when the light is shun on the drinking, or addictive behavior. "
"So what if I drink like a fish and scare everyone in the house: you spend money on , on, uh.... COFFEE, ya, that's it..."
It is now my theory, that this is done to make you feel as bad as they do when the light is shun on the drinking, or addictive behavior. "
"So what if I drink like a fish and scare everyone in the house: you spend money on , on, uh.... COFFEE, ya, that's it..."
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I don't know whether to laugh or cry about that level of paranoia, Liz. My ex wasn't paranoid about banks, but he was convinced that someone was out to kill him. He would say things like "there's a letter in my closet, under the box of photos -- if I turn up dead, give that to the police."
Um, OK.
Um, OK.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by lillamy
I don't know whether to laugh or cry about that level of paranoia, Liz. My ex wasn't paranoid about banks, but he was convinced that someone was out to kill him. He would say things like "there's a letter in my closet, under the box of photos -- if I turn up dead, give that to the police."
Um, OK.
Um, OK.
He was also super whacko paranoid about anything involving money or bill paying unless it was a transaction that resulted in him obtaining alcohol. He was all weirded out about setting up online bank debits with the utility company, but that shady ATM with the $8 transaction fee in the corner of the bar, totally fine.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by lillamy
I don't know whether to laugh or cry about that level of paranoia, Liz. My ex wasn't paranoid about banks, but he was convinced that someone was out to kill him. He would say things like "there's a letter in my closet, under the box of photos -- if I turn up dead, give that to the police."
Um, OK.
Um, OK.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
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He's unraveling fast. I just hope you're planning faster. That kind of paranoia can turn dark very quickly. Hopefully you'll be able to get out soon and won't have to deal with his nonsense on a regular basis.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
Ah Liz,
Those kind of trips down memory lane (I always call it the "Highlights Reel") do work to set our resolve.
MY STBXAH also insisted in taking over the finances about 5 months before I pulled the plug. Perhaps they sense a loss of control and this is a way to rein us back in. Of course scrutinizing every one of MY expenses seemed to be part of the plan. I had no idea how much it hurt our bottom line when I went to the dollar store and spent $1.00 on clothes pins for my classroom. He never really showed any paranoia about outside elements, but he would turn the television onto PBS and rant racial obscenities at the host.
Fun times!! The count down is down to 3 weeks before the end of the 60 day waiting period.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some days it seems like so much work. I often set small goals each day (just a phone call) that would get me closer to leaving so that I would not get too discouraged.
Those kind of trips down memory lane (I always call it the "Highlights Reel") do work to set our resolve.
MY STBXAH also insisted in taking over the finances about 5 months before I pulled the plug. Perhaps they sense a loss of control and this is a way to rein us back in. Of course scrutinizing every one of MY expenses seemed to be part of the plan. I had no idea how much it hurt our bottom line when I went to the dollar store and spent $1.00 on clothes pins for my classroom. He never really showed any paranoia about outside elements, but he would turn the television onto PBS and rant racial obscenities at the host.
Fun times!! The count down is down to 3 weeks before the end of the 60 day waiting period.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some days it seems like so much work. I often set small goals each day (just a phone call) that would get me closer to leaving so that I would not get too discouraged.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by Yurt
Ah Liz,
Those kind of trips down memory lane (I always call it the "Highlights Reel") do work to set our resolve.
MY STBXAH also insisted in taking over the finances about 5 months before I pulled the plug. Perhaps they sense a loss of control and this is a way to rein us back in. Of course scrutinizing every one of MY expenses seemed to be part of the plan. I had no idea how much it hurt our bottom line when I went to the dollar store and spent $1.00 on clothes pins for my classroom. He never really showed any paranoia about outside elements, but he would turn the television onto PBS and rant racial obscenities at the host.
Fun times!! The count down is down to 3 weeks before the end of the 60 day waiting period.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some days it seems like so much work. I often set small goals each day (just a phone call) that would get me closer to leaving so that I would not get too discouraged.
Those kind of trips down memory lane (I always call it the "Highlights Reel") do work to set our resolve.
MY STBXAH also insisted in taking over the finances about 5 months before I pulled the plug. Perhaps they sense a loss of control and this is a way to rein us back in. Of course scrutinizing every one of MY expenses seemed to be part of the plan. I had no idea how much it hurt our bottom line when I went to the dollar store and spent $1.00 on clothes pins for my classroom. He never really showed any paranoia about outside elements, but he would turn the television onto PBS and rant racial obscenities at the host.
Fun times!! The count down is down to 3 weeks before the end of the 60 day waiting period.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some days it seems like so much work. I often set small goals each day (just a phone call) that would get me closer to leaving so that I would not get too discouraged.
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