how pushy should I be?
 

So my AH has been cutting down on his drinking but now is experiencing symptoms that I think is liver disease. I've mentioned it to him and he continually refuses to go to the doctor. It's scary for me since my father died of liver cancer (and ironically, was not a drinker at all!!). Anyway, I know I can't force him but it's driving me crazy that he so steadfastly refuses to go. This is not unusual. He's never liked the doctor, but who does? I haven't really been pushing it simply because it is his choice but should I be pushier? I just don't know. Thoughts anyone?

Men who won't go to the doctor are a real pain. My sister experienced this with her husband (different problem) and decided to just tell him she was worrying, and would he do it as a favour to her. She doesn't ask him for much normally, and he agreed.

With my son, I just made the appointment.

Like you say, you can't force him, only ask him and reassure him that whatever the problem is, it's better caught early.

Look over on the A boards and there's a whole litany of threads of folks avoiding the MD.

Men are the worst for sure.

If he's still drinking and having symptoms, he is not alone.

I'd take Feeling Great's suggestion once. If it fails, then just leave it to his HP. Say a prayer to help keep your mouth shut.

It is because he is scared of what they are going to say. It's fear, pure and simple. And he is afraid they will tell him he cannot drink anymore. Addicts put the addiction first.

You've already mentioned it to him, to no effect whatsoever. On your own admission, this is not unusual. There's nothing in your post to suggest that continuing to push will affect his actions, though it will almost certainly add to your feelings of frustration.

I'm also guessing that he would be very unlikely to comply with what he would see as nagging from you - no matter how well-intentioned you are.

If I were you, I'd be getting support for my own painful, frightened feelings and be aware that the situation is triggering memories of a previous bereavement - which can now be processed and released. I long ago stopped tearing my hair out about blatantly self-destructive behaviours by family members, concentrated on my own healing - and life got magically better!

Good luck, and (((hugs))).

Thanks to all that replied. I just get so concerned over the weight loss and the bloated belly. Rose alba, you are absolutely correct. It brings back horrible memories of my own father and my frustration that my dad was a nondrinker and yet, died of liver cancer. I've mentioned it to him again and he is still resistant. I also brought up the fact that we need to make sure that he has some life insurance, since he's a stay at home dad, if ,something were to happen. I'm not even sure if that's an option right now. I'm pretty sure he's mad at me but I have to make sure that my two kids are taken care of. Granted I probably could have waited until after Christmas to bring it up but I have a hard time staying quiet when I've already thought about it for a while.