FlippedRHalo

Thanks so much bird. It makes a lot of sense. After I posted my small tirade, I felt 60% better. It took me off guard to read what he was writing, but only temporarily. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll probably miss him for a while. I've come to terms with knowing that even if he promised, again, to stop, he wouldn't have and it would have just prolonged the agony and if not now, we'd have been here eventually -- possibly with a destroyed marriage and innocent children involved had it been later, so for that I'm grateful. I won't say this has been easy, at all, but honestly it's no harder than him being here and emotionally checked out because he was drunk. I was lonely, sad, anxious and confused then too. This has a little less loneliness and anxiety to it.
I take a lot, much more than I should, and I give way too many chances usually, but when I'm done, I'm done. It's like a switch flips and that's it. I'll suck up every ounce of hurt, pain and fear that I have to in order to get through to the other side. We'll get through this bird... I know it's not been easy for you either, however, we certainly deserve a lot more than this craziness.

Lexi - you're so right. I actually thought of that earlier, but it was too late by the time it hit me. There is a beginners meeting on Sunday evening that I plan to attend though, and my newly found Wednesday night group.

spiderqueen

This is exactly what I experienced when I broke it off with my XABF. We were together three years (and had been in love 20 years before). It was totally heartbreaking. But a wonderful thing happened. Slowly I began to heal, grow stronger, and healthier, and progress toward a richer, happier life.

Much as I missed him, my X was in a death spiral, and I chose life.

Congratulations on choosing life, Flipped. I know it hurts at first. But you are going to be ok. Better than ok. I promise.

bird13

"""""it's no harder than him being here and emotionally checked out because he was drunk. I was lonely, sad, anxious and confused then too. This has a little less loneliness and anxiety to it. """" Hit the nail on the head! Ugh! Everytime now that I miss him I try to remember how much agony I was in when we were together. I knew he was just having his dream situation. Me plus booze. That trapped, lonely feeling, also VOID of any dignity b/c he was doing crappy things to me and I wasn't able to leave him which made me hurt worse and lowered my self esteem. The real him who treated me great and acknowledged me in wonderful ways was there less and less. I always remember that fact ...

Not only is this single life a little less lonely and less anxious for me but I restored my dignity. He cannot treat me like that and get to enjoy all the great things I bring into his life. I matter too. Like you said, when a partner is emotionally checked out you are all alone.. even though he is right next to you. I want to be loved and talked to. Appreciated. Not getting that when he is right next to me is more painful than being alone and getting used to this & Filling that time w/ friends instead. We can always come here when we miss them.

amy55

FlippedRHalo,

What happened here, is you are trying to defend, rationalize, justify. Anytime we do that we give them an opportunity to twist things around. I got into many of those around and around we go "discussion?" Always walked away from them just shaking my head and saying WTF just happened here?

Sometimes I would walk away with just a "numb" feeling, feeling like I should feel good because he finally heard me and listened to me, and the numbness would wear away, and the next day I would be saying WTF?

If anyone gets into these, just say uh huh, I see, ummmm, ok, you're right, we shouldn't be together, then hang up or GTFO asap. DO NOT DEFEND, TRY TO JUSTIFY, EXPLAIN !!!! It will all be turned around and back to how horrible you are.

I'm so glad to hear that you will be blocking his number.

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy

shil2587

Quack. Quack quack quack. This particular duck is just making noise so he doesn't feel alone.

(((((((hugs)))))))) You will get through this. Maybe just sit with the anger for a bit, nothing to be ashamed about.

mejo

If it makes you feel better, my AH is choosing. To be homeless (sleeping in his truck in the Wal-Mart parking lot) than to see how his addiction has ruined his life. He tells me he is so much happier without the drama. Well, okay then. Lol

NWGRITS

I'm increasingly grateful to be an Android user. Just click "block number" next to their profile. Boom, done. Lol

The only answer to "Why?" is "He's an alcoholic." Trying to figure it out is the definition of insanity.

firebolt

Whenever I don't want to deal with ABF, I change his picture on my phone so this shows up, and reminds me not to answer :