Cleo1234

No need to reply.. just feeling down and thought id write here and not do something dumb like text my, xabf.

Tomorrow is my 43rd birthday and I'm feeling sadder today than i have for the past month. I feel like i should be recovering better since its now been nearly 4 months.. but i can't stop thinking of him and his new relationship.. and wondering if he knows how awful he hurt me. I have no clue what I'm wanting from him. Maybe, I'm wanting to know he wants me back. I can't imagine id be sick enough to want the dysfunction of that relationship back, but i think about it at times. Anyways.. thanks for listening. I live in southern california and tomorrow there is a huge storm.. kinda will resemble how I've been feeling.

lillamy

Four months... I'm trying to remember where I was at four months after leaving. I was still not sleeping. I was still spending an hour or two on my exercise bike every night. I was still running on adrenaline and coffee. I was still nowhere near recovering. Some weeks, I went to seven meetings a week. Some days, I went to two meetings a day.

I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about the long road ahead -- but to reassure you that four months is really a short period of time if you consider the amount of time you spent with him.

For the first year or so, I couldn't see any improvement. But when I look back, I can see that I did make strides in recovery. You may not be feeling it right now, but fake it till you make it: You will look back and see that you DID get more stable, happier, calmer, even if you weren't feeling it in the moment.

And I do hope you do something special for yourself tomorrow. Favorite takeout, or get your nails done, or browse a bookstore -- whatever makes you feel good about yourself. (((hugs)))

Katchie

Hi Cleo....While you wish with hesitation to have your ex back, I often fantasize I've kicked my AH out! I know you don't want heartache, craziness, obsessing, and all the other things that come with loving an addict back. You've been set free even though you're not feeling it at the moment. Give yourself some more time...be patient...work on yourself thru alanon, therapist, etc. You're doing good!

Happy Birthday! Do something VERY kind and generous for yourself!!

Stung

Happy Almost Birthday, Cleo!

I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I hope that despite the weather (which, it seriously rained non-stop here in the valley today, literally, it never let up!) that you're able to have a nice birthday tomorrow.

Stung

Double Post

FeelingGreat

Cleo, nature will be putting on a show just for your birthday. It is a sad time for you but you are building for a wonderful future. Don't despair; no matter how others' lives look from the outside, everyone goes through times when everything looks bleak. Try reading the biographies of great men and women, and you'll see they've all faced huge challenges and setbacks.

You will prevail!

soullong

(((Cleo))), it does get better, sometimes only little bits at a time, but the lows don't go so deep after a while, and the more and more bits of serenity start to add up. Getting enough sleep helps me, eating better, and trying to find fun things that I am passionate about doing have helped me feel more centered ...with still a long way to go! I couldn't sleep well for a long time after my raxbf called it quits for good after meeting someone else, but with trying to fly down my own path, I am starting to have more fun and like myself better. Have a great birthday! You can celebrate all weekend!

Cleo1234

You're all so kind.. Thank You for the kind words of encouragement!

amy55

Hey Happy Birthday. You posted this yesterday, so 12/12 is your birthday. It's mine also. Let's celebrate together.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy

Cleo1234

Awww.. that's great we share the same day!!
A very Happy Birthday to you as well

amy55

I wish the best birthday for you. Go out with friends and hold them and love them, that's what I'm going to do.

Just know that you are so very special, and I love that we share the same birthday!!!!!!!

You're the greatest...... and I sincerely mean that

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))) and many birthday wishes to you.

amy

LexieCat

Happy birthday to both of you! New life is comin', Cleo.

CodeJob

Digging through all of this is worth the effort. Sorting through it helps us learn to live better going forward.

Happy Bday today! E-brownies sound good!

FeelingGreat

Happy birthday Amy and Cleo -

Hope the storm isn't too harsh.

LexieCat

Oh, and FWIW, I wish *I* were 43 again! Lots and lots of good years ahead of you.

freetosmile

I can relate with feeling down, although I'm not even close to recovered. Trying. Music and writing are what really makes me feel better. I also decided to pick up a new hobby and bought a camera. Maybe with a brand new year coming up, finding something to do that you've NEVER done before would be helpful AND fun.
sorry you are down. It sucks, it really does. Hugs!

marie1960

Happy Birthday Cleo!!!!!

atalose

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

4 months is not a long time to be "over" a relationship. I think the best gift of all is the fact that you are not the one in a relationship with him.

Eauchiche

My ex is just recently starting to show his true colors. I existed for months on false promises from him of wanting to "work on things", and a somewhat fantastic idea of how things really were between us.
Keep coming back. You'll be fine!!!