wolflvr

Hi everyone!! Last night I had a long talk with me husband when he came home from work about his drinking. 1 drink is too much for me, and show me 1 alcoholic that drinks 1 drink anyways. Well, he admitted he had a problem (but not nearly anything like before), now what do I do? He says he wants things to work out between us etc. Someone help me out here please

cwohio

admitting it is a good thing, but my husband admits it and still does it so not to burst your bubble, but admitting it is just a first step. hang in there!

cwohio

Lorelai

Please believe me when I say, the answer to all your problems is not for your husband to quit drinking. I know it sounds really strange but I swear it is true.

I spent so much time focused on getting him to quit drinking that I couldn't see anything else. I think it is great that he admits he has a problem. I hope that he gets the help he needs and tackles his addiction.

More than that, I hope that you pursue your own recovery so that you will be OK whether he stops drinking or not.

Hugs - L

december

Wolflvr,
I think it is a start to admit he has a problem. Now all you can do is hope he takes the steps to get some support from AA or any other support group . My husband has known he has had a problem for 13 years and I even divorced him thinking that will be his rock bottom to get help. He has lived in his car, lost his family, lost cars, his business, self esteem, etc.....We are back together and I pray every day he gets some support to help him. I have let his drinking tear my self esteem apart. I am a nervous, worry wart all the time. Wondering if he will drink or not. He is not very dependable when he drinks and there is no way to know when he will drink. I just started going to Alanon last week. I hope by going it will help me cope with his drinking and help me keep the focus off him and on me. It seems like it is always all about the alcoholic. The alcoholic can drink , pass out and avoid responsibility and never think about it till he is sober. I don't drink and have three kids to raise and I work full time. I have no escape. Not that drinking is a good escape. This is why Alanon is something I will keep attending. I have always thought I wasn't the one with a problem. This is far from the truth.
I think it is a big step for your husband to admit he has a problem. Hang in there and keep coming back.
Pam

gabigoo

I don't know if this will help but this is what I did so take it with a grain of salt... My AH finally admitted he was an A...of course after I kicked him out of the house...but I helped him to know what "help" is out there. In college I worked as a drug/ alcohol counselor in a residential program so I somewhat know how it works. What I told my AH was that if he wanted treatment I gave him the names of some rehabs in the area. This can be done easily- if you have insurance- contact them and ask how you can find out which ones they pay for- many times this is on the internet under their sites. He chose to get treatment. He called and told them he wanted help- they told him to come to the center for an assessment. They will determine what type of treatment is needed and to what extent. My AH was placed in an Intensive Outpatient program (IOP)- met 3 days a week for 3 hours. It was after his work on these days. They recommended that on the other days he attends AA meetings. And that was exactly what he has done. They kept him in the IOP for 3 weeks and they discharged him for counseling and to continue AA meetings- everyday for 90 days!

It has been 34 days since his last drink and he continues to thank me daily for showing him the path to take to get help and to finally "stop the insanity" as he called it! So far this has worked for him b/c he was "ready" for it to work. This was his first attempt at treatment and to be honest I don't know how long it will last but I do know that he has learned SO much since he has gotten help and has gained SO much support from other members in AA that I feel confident that if or when there is a "problem" he will have MANY people to help him to get on the right path again.

I don't know if any of this will help but it has worked for me. But just a reminder... we can not cure them- it is up to the A to get help and change behaviors. If that was the case my AH would have gone into treatment MANY years ago...it has to be up to them!

chess

My ex A admitted that he had a problem too and heavily cut back with his drinking but the problem was that all his buddies were really drinking buddies and he couldn't cut them loose and still hang out in bars and eventually increased his drinking again.

Hopefully your A will start his recovery.

myles1

He may just be telling you what he knows you want to hear.

Ngaire

chess

Thank you Ngaire. I had forgotten about that one At times I did feel that my A was just telling me what he knew I wanted to hear and it took me a long while to get wise to that one. If his actions do not support his words then he's only saying what he knows you want to hear or even what he himself would like to believe.

Magichappens

wolflvr,
Lorelai has very wise words. As long as you are focussed on how someone else lives their life, you can't live yours to the fullest. Maybe it's time to focus on what you can do to improve your happiness and serenity. Hugs, Magic

myles1

Hi Chess,

One of my favourites:

"Words whisper, Actions scream."



Ngaire

Rose56

I agree with Lorelai too. After 2 years in Alanon I know that I have a problem - codependency and that I have to deal with it. Otherwise my life will continue to be crazy. Check out Alanon. Good luck.