Husband said he's leaving
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Boston, MA
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Husband said he's leaving
My husband of 14 years told me last night that he's leaving and getting his own apartment. This isn't the first time he has said this. We had a huge fight Saturday and we're still not speaking-until the middle of the night after he's been drinking. He won’t talk to me unless he’s been drinking, and I could smell it on his breath though he claimed he wasn’t drunk.
He wakes me up in the middle of the night constantly to talk, fight, ask a question, you name it. Then when I complain that it's the middle of the night he ridicules me asking why I can't sacrifice my sleep for him. I have to get up for work at 5am and we have a 10 year old daughter who I mostly take care of.
So we argued about something stupid as usual and it blew up. I lost it and started screaming. I had been trying to be SO patient, to remember my coping mechanisms, not engage, etc but I couldn't take it anymore.
I called him selfish, narcissistic, told him to go F his female friends (he hardly has any male friends-he works in a nursing home with women primarily), I told him he'd be sorry, etc. He then told our daughter that I was leaving when I went upstairs to get dressed. I was planning on going for a drive to cool off. I asked her who she wanted to stay with, and she started crying. I hadn't meant as in I'm leaving the family, but he put that thought into her head (she told me what he had said later that evening).
He told me I have 2% compassion, I have no emotions, I'm selfish, and I'm crazy. I take antidepressant medication and he said that those are making me crazy and numb. He said I don't respect him, I don't care for him, and I have anger issues.
I'm utterly exhausted. I went to bed last night at 8pm because I was so tired and hoped to sleep through the night. Now I've been up since 2:30am and it's 8:40am. I have to work all day, go home, cook dinner, do dishes, etc. He does nothing around the house except for bringing out the trash on trash days and cleaning out the cat boxes. I do EVERYTHING else-pay the bills, cook, clean, dishes, laundry, shopping, drive our daughter everywhere she needs to go, take her to Girl Scouts, coach her soccer team, take her to basketball, you name it, I do it.
So he’s sick of my sh*t and is leaving. He can’t believe the way I talk to him and how I forget all the good things he does for me.
What about all the good things I do for him? Those get forgotten as well.
I don’t know if he’s just saying that he’s going to leave like he has many times before or if he’s really leaving. Is he trying to “scare me straight”? I’m so tired I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep but I can’t. He says I’m a control freak. I’m a teacher so he said that I have to be in control of my students, the union (I’m the president), the soccer team (I’m my daughter’s coach), GSA (I’m the advisor at school), and him. I’m just trying to get through the day.
I have been told in the past to ignore him and let him do what he says he will do even if he goes through with it. I have been told not to chase him, but it’s hard.
He claims that he loves me, dearly. I told him that love is forgiveness like I forgive him constantly for the lousy things he does in the middle of the night.
This is a pattern that has been going on for years.
I’m tired but I don’t want to give up.
He tells me that he’s not as bad as other husbands who beat their wives. The worst thing he does is wake me up in the middle of the night.
I kept saying the Serenity Prayer to myself this morning on the way to work.
This is so hard and while I hate the roller coaster of emotions and situations, I remember the good times and just cry.
He wakes me up in the middle of the night constantly to talk, fight, ask a question, you name it. Then when I complain that it's the middle of the night he ridicules me asking why I can't sacrifice my sleep for him. I have to get up for work at 5am and we have a 10 year old daughter who I mostly take care of.
So we argued about something stupid as usual and it blew up. I lost it and started screaming. I had been trying to be SO patient, to remember my coping mechanisms, not engage, etc but I couldn't take it anymore.
I called him selfish, narcissistic, told him to go F his female friends (he hardly has any male friends-he works in a nursing home with women primarily), I told him he'd be sorry, etc. He then told our daughter that I was leaving when I went upstairs to get dressed. I was planning on going for a drive to cool off. I asked her who she wanted to stay with, and she started crying. I hadn't meant as in I'm leaving the family, but he put that thought into her head (she told me what he had said later that evening).
He told me I have 2% compassion, I have no emotions, I'm selfish, and I'm crazy. I take antidepressant medication and he said that those are making me crazy and numb. He said I don't respect him, I don't care for him, and I have anger issues.
I'm utterly exhausted. I went to bed last night at 8pm because I was so tired and hoped to sleep through the night. Now I've been up since 2:30am and it's 8:40am. I have to work all day, go home, cook dinner, do dishes, etc. He does nothing around the house except for bringing out the trash on trash days and cleaning out the cat boxes. I do EVERYTHING else-pay the bills, cook, clean, dishes, laundry, shopping, drive our daughter everywhere she needs to go, take her to Girl Scouts, coach her soccer team, take her to basketball, you name it, I do it.
So he’s sick of my sh*t and is leaving. He can’t believe the way I talk to him and how I forget all the good things he does for me.
What about all the good things I do for him? Those get forgotten as well.
I don’t know if he’s just saying that he’s going to leave like he has many times before or if he’s really leaving. Is he trying to “scare me straight”? I’m so tired I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep but I can’t. He says I’m a control freak. I’m a teacher so he said that I have to be in control of my students, the union (I’m the president), the soccer team (I’m my daughter’s coach), GSA (I’m the advisor at school), and him. I’m just trying to get through the day.
I have been told in the past to ignore him and let him do what he says he will do even if he goes through with it. I have been told not to chase him, but it’s hard.
He claims that he loves me, dearly. I told him that love is forgiveness like I forgive him constantly for the lousy things he does in the middle of the night.
This is a pattern that has been going on for years.
I’m tired but I don’t want to give up.
He tells me that he’s not as bad as other husbands who beat their wives. The worst thing he does is wake me up in the middle of the night.
I kept saying the Serenity Prayer to myself this morning on the way to work.
This is so hard and while I hate the roller coaster of emotions and situations, I remember the good times and just cry.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Wow, it exhausted me just to read this. Slow down. Breathe.
Ok. Now, lets say he goes and gets his own apartment. It sounds like some time apart may be a good thing right now. It may give you both some time to know what you want and what you don't.
It sounds like you have too many irons in the fire right now, and you sound very overwhelmed. Can you make a list of anything you can cut out to give yourself some more down time?
I know when my X moved out, it was a lot less work b/c it was one less person for me to clean up after. I was usto doing it all on my own. It sounds like you could use Alanon and the help of a counselor who deals with family addiction. That helped me immensely.
Don't put your daughter in the middle. She is 10 and not ready to make that type of decision. Don't engage with him in fighting with your child present. Drill it in his head that cannot be, and drill it in your own.
We are here. I completely understand how hard it is, I have been there. And know this, verbal abuse is every single bit as bad as physical abuse. There is no scale of what's ok. Any abuse is not OK no matter what.
Tight hugs. Keep posting, you are not alone.
Ok. Now, lets say he goes and gets his own apartment. It sounds like some time apart may be a good thing right now. It may give you both some time to know what you want and what you don't.
It sounds like you have too many irons in the fire right now, and you sound very overwhelmed. Can you make a list of anything you can cut out to give yourself some more down time?
I know when my X moved out, it was a lot less work b/c it was one less person for me to clean up after. I was usto doing it all on my own. It sounds like you could use Alanon and the help of a counselor who deals with family addiction. That helped me immensely.
Don't put your daughter in the middle. She is 10 and not ready to make that type of decision. Don't engage with him in fighting with your child present. Drill it in his head that cannot be, and drill it in your own.
We are here. I completely understand how hard it is, I have been there. And know this, verbal abuse is every single bit as bad as physical abuse. There is no scale of what's ok. Any abuse is not OK no matter what.
Tight hugs. Keep posting, you are not alone.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you have an awful lot on your plate. you've'become a Human Doing, and we often overload ourselves with tasks to gain a sense of control and accomplishment and stay busy and distracted from our home/relationship problems.
getting some distance and separation between you could relieve a lot of stress...for you, for him and most importantly for your dear sweet little girl. she should never be put in between you two when you are arguing and feel as if she has to choose or her life is about to be upended. as children, we assume it's all our fault when things aren't right with our parents.
you are all swimming in a toxic stew right now. if he wants to go, let him. assess all your commitments and see what you can let go. you don't HAVE to do EVERYTHING. it really gains you nothing but exhaustion. keep it simple, review your priorities. SLOW DOWN.
getting some distance and separation between you could relieve a lot of stress...for you, for him and most importantly for your dear sweet little girl. she should never be put in between you two when you are arguing and feel as if she has to choose or her life is about to be upended. as children, we assume it's all our fault when things aren't right with our parents.
you are all swimming in a toxic stew right now. if he wants to go, let him. assess all your commitments and see what you can let go. you don't HAVE to do EVERYTHING. it really gains you nothing but exhaustion. keep it simple, review your priorities. SLOW DOWN.
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He wakes me up in the middle of the night constantly to talk, fight, ask a question, you name it. Then when I complain that it's the middle of the night he ridicules me asking why I can't sacrifice my sleep for him.
I think the thing that worries me the most about your story is that he's said before that he's leaving, and then he doesn't. I think all of you could use some time apart right now, so that you can get sleep, calm down, and most of all, so that your daughter doesn't get put in the middle of the dysfunction.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
When I was about nine years old, my alcoholic mother had an enormous fight with my older brother (he was about 16 at the time) that I listened to from my room until he stormed out of the house to escape the screaming. I don't remember what the fight was about, it was more like one long, ongoing fight that was periodically broken up by stretches of enormous tension. All had been quiet for a while when my codependent father came into my room and asked me to come out to the living room to talk to my mother. When I didn't move right away (I wasn't a dumb kid, and I knew she probably wasn't done screaming just because her target had left the premises), he said, "You have to come out and talk to your mother so she doesn't leave."
I loved my dad, and I knew he loved me, but I had no idea what the heck he thought I was going to say to prevent her leaving. So I went out into the living room and sat on the couch and burst into tears. My mother looked at my father with those dark brown daggers and he said, "I promise you, J______, I didn't ask her to just come out here and cry."
After a few minutes of that I was allowed to leave. I walked out of the house. It was about ten at night. Eventually my brother came looking for me, and was angry at me that I'd worried him like that.
In our house, booze came first for Mom. Mom came first for Dad. Their three kids didn't really come first for anyone. When I think back on that story now I see a man who was so terrified of his wife leaving -- the one who took care of the kids, who took care of the house, who cooked, who cleaned, who did everything he didn't know how to do -- that he built up an a wall of denial around himself and her that didn't allow for us to get in, or anything to get out. He walked on eggshells for more than thirty years without ever reaching his codie bottom, even after he had a stroke and she began verbally and emotionally abusing him because he could no longer enable her the way she was used to.
The reality is, she threatened to leave all the time, but she never actually would. Nights like these were followed by mornings where we all silently agreed to pretend that nothing had happened the night before, and that, somehow, Mom had won.
I don't know how or how well we would have managed if she had ever actually followed through on her threats to leave, but there is not a day that goes by in my adult life that I don't wish we had had the opportunity to find out. And more than that I wish my father had found his Rock Bottom and took us out of that nightmare of silence and suspicion and blame himself.
I am sharing my experience with you not to shame or guilt or pressure you. I just want you to know that I have been your kid, and that I can say with certainty that the assumptions that my father made about what was best for me and my siblings had very little to do with what was really going on in our house.
Sending you strength and courage to accept the reality of what you are living and dealing with.
I loved my dad, and I knew he loved me, but I had no idea what the heck he thought I was going to say to prevent her leaving. So I went out into the living room and sat on the couch and burst into tears. My mother looked at my father with those dark brown daggers and he said, "I promise you, J______, I didn't ask her to just come out here and cry."
After a few minutes of that I was allowed to leave. I walked out of the house. It was about ten at night. Eventually my brother came looking for me, and was angry at me that I'd worried him like that.
In our house, booze came first for Mom. Mom came first for Dad. Their three kids didn't really come first for anyone. When I think back on that story now I see a man who was so terrified of his wife leaving -- the one who took care of the kids, who took care of the house, who cooked, who cleaned, who did everything he didn't know how to do -- that he built up an a wall of denial around himself and her that didn't allow for us to get in, or anything to get out. He walked on eggshells for more than thirty years without ever reaching his codie bottom, even after he had a stroke and she began verbally and emotionally abusing him because he could no longer enable her the way she was used to.
The reality is, she threatened to leave all the time, but she never actually would. Nights like these were followed by mornings where we all silently agreed to pretend that nothing had happened the night before, and that, somehow, Mom had won.
I don't know how or how well we would have managed if she had ever actually followed through on her threats to leave, but there is not a day that goes by in my adult life that I don't wish we had had the opportunity to find out. And more than that I wish my father had found his Rock Bottom and took us out of that nightmare of silence and suspicion and blame himself.
I am sharing my experience with you not to shame or guilt or pressure you. I just want you to know that I have been your kid, and that I can say with certainty that the assumptions that my father made about what was best for me and my siblings had very little to do with what was really going on in our house.
Sending you strength and courage to accept the reality of what you are living and dealing with.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
In our house, booze came first for Mom. Mom came first for Dad. Their three kids didn't really come first for anyone.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
we have all been there ... prayers to all and well we can hope that life is different tomorrow.. sorry all my childhood pretend the night did not happen and the next day was better.. only my Pop hit.. not Mom but me.. for I stood the battle for my sisters.. they never understood what it takes to be the oldest.. coffee nap lunch.. I want my Mom... for real kids I want my Mom... ardy...
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty 
When I was about nine years old, my alcoholic mother had an enormous fight with my older brother (he was about 16 at the time) that I listened to from my room until he stormed out of the house to escape the screaming. I don't remember what the fight was about, it was more like one long, ongoing fight that was periodically broken up by stretches of enormous tension. All had been quiet for a while when my codependent father came into my room and asked me to come out to the living room to talk to my mother. When I didn't move right away (I wasn't a dumb kid, and I knew she probably wasn't done screaming just because her target had left the premises), he said, "You have to come out and talk to your mother so she doesn't leave."
I loved my dad, and I knew he loved me, but I had no idea what the heck he thought I was going to say to prevent her leaving. So I went out into the living room and sat on the couch and burst into tears. My mother looked at my father with those dark brown daggers and he said, "I promise you, J______, I didn't ask her to just come out here and cry."
After a few minutes of that I was allowed to leave. I walked out of the house. It was about ten at night. Eventually my brother came looking for me, and was angry at me that I'd worried him like that.
In our house, booze came first for Mom. Mom came first for Dad. Their three kids didn't really come first for anyone. When I think back on that story now I see a man who was so terrified of his wife leaving -- the one who took care of the kids, who took care of the house, who cooked, who cleaned, who did everything he didn't know how to do -- that he built up an a wall of denial around himself and her that didn't allow for us to get in, or anything to get out. He walked on eggshells for more than thirty years without ever reaching his codie bottom, even after he had a stroke and she began verbally and emotionally abusing him because he could no longer enable her the way she was used to.
The reality is, she threatened to leave all the time, but she never actually would. Nights like these were followed by mornings where we all silently agreed to pretend that nothing had happened the night before, and that, somehow, Mom had won.
I don't know how or how well we would have managed if she had ever actually followed through on her threats to leave, but there is not a day that goes by in my adult life that I don't wish we had had the opportunity to find out. And more than that I wish my father had found his Rock Bottom and took us out of that nightmare of silence and suspicion and blame himself.
I am sharing my experience with you not to shame or guilt or pressure you. I just want you to know that I have been your kid, and that I can say with certainty that the assumptions that my father made about what was best for me and my siblings had very little to do with what was really going on in our house.
Sending you strength and courage to accept the reality of what you are living and dealing with.
I loved my dad, and I knew he loved me, but I had no idea what the heck he thought I was going to say to prevent her leaving. So I went out into the living room and sat on the couch and burst into tears. My mother looked at my father with those dark brown daggers and he said, "I promise you, J______, I didn't ask her to just come out here and cry."
After a few minutes of that I was allowed to leave. I walked out of the house. It was about ten at night. Eventually my brother came looking for me, and was angry at me that I'd worried him like that.
In our house, booze came first for Mom. Mom came first for Dad. Their three kids didn't really come first for anyone. When I think back on that story now I see a man who was so terrified of his wife leaving -- the one who took care of the kids, who took care of the house, who cooked, who cleaned, who did everything he didn't know how to do -- that he built up an a wall of denial around himself and her that didn't allow for us to get in, or anything to get out. He walked on eggshells for more than thirty years without ever reaching his codie bottom, even after he had a stroke and she began verbally and emotionally abusing him because he could no longer enable her the way she was used to.
The reality is, she threatened to leave all the time, but she never actually would. Nights like these were followed by mornings where we all silently agreed to pretend that nothing had happened the night before, and that, somehow, Mom had won.
I don't know how or how well we would have managed if she had ever actually followed through on her threats to leave, but there is not a day that goes by in my adult life that I don't wish we had had the opportunity to find out. And more than that I wish my father had found his Rock Bottom and took us out of that nightmare of silence and suspicion and blame himself.
I am sharing my experience with you not to shame or guilt or pressure you. I just want you to know that I have been your kid, and that I can say with certainty that the assumptions that my father made about what was best for me and my siblings had very little to do with what was really going on in our house.
Sending you strength and courage to accept the reality of what you are living and dealing with.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
JE, you need to stop engaging as much as you can. When he is drinking he is speaking a different language, so when you talk to him he doesnt understand you and you don't understand him. Say you are sorry. Dont be rude, just dont go there. Things will not escalate and you can try and settle down to go back to sleep, if he has no one to engage with.
He thrives off that and you need to learn not to let him put you over the edge. While you have an active A on your hands your life will never be normal. I use to say the serenity prayer a million times a night when I couldn't sleep for years and years.
I just divorced my Ah a month ago, after 34 years together. I am in my own town home now, and not once have i had to say this prayer going to bed.
Try and get things to calm down at home, and work on an exit plan for you and your daughter. Money, place to go, documents you might need. So if you ever need to get out you are prepared in a healthy way. I am sorry for what you are going through.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
He thrives off that and you need to learn not to let him put you over the edge. While you have an active A on your hands your life will never be normal. I use to say the serenity prayer a million times a night when I couldn't sleep for years and years.
I just divorced my Ah a month ago, after 34 years together. I am in my own town home now, and not once have i had to say this prayer going to bed.
Try and get things to calm down at home, and work on an exit plan for you and your daughter. Money, place to go, documents you might need. So if you ever need to get out you are prepared in a healthy way. I am sorry for what you are going through.
((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, there may be a little truth in that statement that you are trying to control everything...
What you cannot control is him. You will never be able to accomplish that, so you would do well for yourself to give up trying. It's funny, when I stop controlling I gain peace and they get their problems back.
I would be pleased as punch if he moved out after all that.
What you cannot control is him. You will never be able to accomplish that, so you would do well for yourself to give up trying. It's funny, when I stop controlling I gain peace and they get their problems back.
I would be pleased as punch if he moved out after all that.
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I have been there, those nights when they just keep telling you what you've done wrong and won't let you sleep (although I didn't know at the time it was a form of abuse, and never really thought about that tactic as a form if torture). And the "I'm leaving" has happened as well - the most memorable time on my DD's 5th birthday, when she went to say goodnight to him and came back crying because he told her he was leaving because "Mummy is too bossy and (brother) won't do what he's told". He came back after half an hour and nothing was said about it.
Sorry, nothing really to add, I just wanted you to know that this is something that happens to so many of us, you're not alone.
Sorry, nothing really to add, I just wanted you to know that this is something that happens to so many of us, you're not alone.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
I forgot to mention that I also dealt with the issues at night. I can't tell you how many times that I slept in my car in the hospital parking lot so that I could sleep. Cold and miserable but at least I was away from him. XAH would just continue on and on and not leave you alone. He would always beg me not to leave and say he was sorry, but I just couldn't take it any longer.
This is something I am not proud of but it was my way of surviving. I did what I had to do, as we all do the best we can at the time.
This is something I am not proud of but it was my way of surviving. I did what I had to do, as we all do the best we can at the time.
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Sounds to me like he's pushing and pushing and pushing and when you react after having reached your limit, he says "see youre upset and Im leaving" and is looking for excuses to deflect responsibility and blame you endlessly.
Im really sorry youre being treated so badly... you dont deserve it.
Im really sorry youre being treated so badly... you dont deserve it.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Everything you related my ex did and said too. I laugh when people talk about detaching - hard to do when you don't know whether you'll be allowed to sleep tonight.
All I can tell you is that once my XAH left, life got better. Here's the other thing though, they all try to come back. Sooner or later they come staggering back. Three years after he moved out and a year after we divorced I had to obtain a restraining order as my ex simply would not leave me alone.
It's very tough when you have kids, as do I, but in your shoes I'd be helping him pack.
All I can tell you is that once my XAH left, life got better. Here's the other thing though, they all try to come back. Sooner or later they come staggering back. Three years after he moved out and a year after we divorced I had to obtain a restraining order as my ex simply would not leave me alone.
It's very tough when you have kids, as do I, but in your shoes I'd be helping him pack.
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Jellyn, of course you're tired, just from your workload; the night time torture, I mean talking, is the icing on the cake. To be honest, you do seem like an over-achiever who puts too much pressure on herself. Is it possible to drop one or two of your outside the home commitments? Event the symbolic act of not doing everything will take it down a notch.
There is no reason for you to have to tolerate the interruptions to your sleep. Firstly, conversations with drunk people are never helpful, and secondly you need those hours. Can you make a boundary that you will no longer agree to having your sleep disturbed? (boundaries are what you will and won't tolerate). This could involve setting up a bed in another room, or the couch or, if possible, kicking your AH out of bed. Stand your ground and be immovable on this point. He will either get the message, or you'll have to take it up a notch by initiating a separation. A good first step is to spell this out to him when he's sober; even write him a letter so he has been warned.
So what is he contributing that you want him to stay? Is it that it would mean you've failed at something? You are doing all the work, most of the childcare, and being made out to be a villain. From an outsider's perspective next time he threatens to leave, a constructive step would be to get his suitcase out and offer to pack for him.
And don't take him back without iron-clad conditions on him taking responsibility for a large chunk of the housework.
There is no reason for you to have to tolerate the interruptions to your sleep. Firstly, conversations with drunk people are never helpful, and secondly you need those hours. Can you make a boundary that you will no longer agree to having your sleep disturbed? (boundaries are what you will and won't tolerate). This could involve setting up a bed in another room, or the couch or, if possible, kicking your AH out of bed. Stand your ground and be immovable on this point. He will either get the message, or you'll have to take it up a notch by initiating a separation. A good first step is to spell this out to him when he's sober; even write him a letter so he has been warned.
So what is he contributing that you want him to stay? Is it that it would mean you've failed at something? You are doing all the work, most of the childcare, and being made out to be a villain. From an outsider's perspective next time he threatens to leave, a constructive step would be to get his suitcase out and offer to pack for him.
And don't take him back without iron-clad conditions on him taking responsibility for a large chunk of the housework.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 18
Thanks so much, everyone. I feel better knowing that I'm not alone. I saw my therapist Thursday and she asked me why I won't tell him to leave. It's because I'm scared. I'm scared of being alone and I'm scared that I'll miss him & the good times. He's wonderful when he's sober, but the sober times are getting few and far between. People tell me to pack his bags for him. I know myself and I know I cant. My therapist said that I have to decide when it's time because he won't change and I want him to so badly.
I'm codependent and I do feel like it's my fault though I know it's not. He's brainwashing me and I can't seem to get away from it.
Thank you all again for your helpful and thoughtful responses. ❤️
I'm codependent and I do feel like it's my fault though I know it's not. He's brainwashing me and I can't seem to get away from it.
Thank you all again for your helpful and thoughtful responses. ❤️
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Posts: 18
My heart is breaking just thinking about it.
I also talked to an online support agent from a domestic abuse hotline who was very helpful. She referred me to a page that describes gas lighting, which he does to me to make me feel like it's all my fault.
I don't understand why someone who supposedly loves you would do this. I know he's sick but it's still hard for me to figure out.
Another reason I'm afraid to leave is because he IS sick and though I know it's unreasonable, I want to fix him.
I also talked to an online support agent from a domestic abuse hotline who was very helpful. She referred me to a page that describes gas lighting, which he does to me to make me feel like it's all my fault.
I don't understand why someone who supposedly loves you would do this. I know he's sick but it's still hard for me to figure out.
Another reason I'm afraid to leave is because he IS sick and though I know it's unreasonable, I want to fix him.
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