Thank you Thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: home and trying to be happy
Posts: 10
Thank you Thank you
This is only my second post, I just found this site a week ago. I was pretty desperate last week, but have seem to find a peace within myself thanks to all of you. I have done much reading, both in the family and friends section and the AA and NA section. I wanted to truly understand both points of view. I have tried (mostly successfully) not to let things get to me, to just turn off in a way. My husband is a cross addict (correct terminology?). The drinking and narcotics (prescription) were pretty bad, but the gambling has definitely been the worst! I haven't read too many posts on that problem. Perhaps it is worse in a way because with the drinking and drugs he is hurting himself physically, but the gambling hurts our whole family physically. When you have to worry about having enough money for groceries it is to the point where something has to give.
Last week we had a crisis situation, but I won't go into that again. After I had cooled off, (2 days - shame on me) I sat down and told him that I would give him until the end of October to get his act together. I don't want to walk out angry, and I decided I needed to think about myself and my son. I am doing everything I can no to have any expectations, because that only leads to disappointment.
A bone of contention with me is being late for supper. I tried to think of how I could make this less stressfull for me. Preaching, yelling and threatening didn't help, so I came up with the plan that I just wouldn't plan on him being here. The first three nights he wasn't. The fourth night, he came in and the table was set for two (me and my son) and there was only enough food for two. I told him to throw a couple of burgers on the grill if he wanted to eat with us. It is less stressful on me if I have to get something in a hurry than to be cooking a gourmet meal all afternoon and not have him show up or even have the courtesy to call. This has worked. He has either been home or called to let me know he won't be coming every night since.
I wish I had learned things like this years ago. It would have prevented lots of gray hairs and worn carpets from pacing the floor! I guess I just wanted to thank everyone here for listening, for caring and for helping me to help myself. I know that what will be will be, and although I really don't want to throw 25 years down the drain I need to get in a healthy place for myself.
I feel so much stronger now that I have some tools behind me. Thank you and God bless.
Cheryl
Last week we had a crisis situation, but I won't go into that again. After I had cooled off, (2 days - shame on me) I sat down and told him that I would give him until the end of October to get his act together. I don't want to walk out angry, and I decided I needed to think about myself and my son. I am doing everything I can no to have any expectations, because that only leads to disappointment.
A bone of contention with me is being late for supper. I tried to think of how I could make this less stressfull for me. Preaching, yelling and threatening didn't help, so I came up with the plan that I just wouldn't plan on him being here. The first three nights he wasn't. The fourth night, he came in and the table was set for two (me and my son) and there was only enough food for two. I told him to throw a couple of burgers on the grill if he wanted to eat with us. It is less stressful on me if I have to get something in a hurry than to be cooking a gourmet meal all afternoon and not have him show up or even have the courtesy to call. This has worked. He has either been home or called to let me know he won't be coming every night since.
I wish I had learned things like this years ago. It would have prevented lots of gray hairs and worn carpets from pacing the floor! I guess I just wanted to thank everyone here for listening, for caring and for helping me to help myself. I know that what will be will be, and although I really don't want to throw 25 years down the drain I need to get in a healthy place for myself.
I feel so much stronger now that I have some tools behind me. Thank you and God bless.
Cheryl
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
cheryl - at least we have found this place and also al-anon for me. think of the poor folks out there who still don't know about and look into the many tools there are to help us!
keep posting and we will all keep sharing and learning!
cwohio
keep posting and we will all keep sharing and learning!
cwohio
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