kathyi

I'm 2 weeks into a divorce I didn't want. After 21 years I now have an ex-husband...

He's my friend, we get along well, I love him ....for the most part because we've been separated for a year and a half and he hasn't climbed into bed drunk since July 2013.

He left me to start a life with the woman he was cheating with. Came back a couple months later, "can we get past this?" It's taken me this long to decide, no I can't.

He's mad, blames me for ruining us. Doesn't understand why I refuse to accept him, flaws and all, and be happy.

Is he an alcoholic? Maybe, probably....but it isn't my call. I just know that I don't like the way that he treats me when he's drinking. He doesn't see it as a problem. I won't ask him to change

hopeful4

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Never forget that.

He left and started a life with a woman he was cheating with. And blames you?! What is wrong with this picture.

You are making the right call. Leopards don't often change their spots.

freetosmile

Kathy:

Good job for standing up for yourself. That is wonderful. Obviously I don't need to tell you that his cheating and getting a divorce in no way makes you at fault!

I enjoy these posts because I am struggling so much right now with my AH and to think that I could have the kind of courage and strength that you have is inspiring and gives me hope. So thank you for being strong, because it helps wimps like me muster up a bit.
And really, way to go for sticking to it. That is an amazing accomplishiment. Especially when you didn't want it in the first place. hugs to you

SparkleKitty

I admire you for standing strong in your own truth and not allowing his quacking to deter you from what is best for you. Congratulations!

Hawkeye13

That is the way to honor yourself and your feelings.

He doesn't deserve a woman like you--but somewhere there is a man
who will love and appreciate and honor you as a real and equal partner in an honest marriage.

amy55

Hi,

I didn't want a divorce either. Why?? I can ask myself that now, and I actually have no answer for that. Is it the familiarity? The fear of being alone? Weren't we anyway?

Is there anything to go back to? Is there any trust left? Can any discussions actually be resolved without the blame? Could he ever take ownership of how what he did affected me?

I had all those questions, probably many more.

Today I celebrate my 4th divorsary. It was really hard when I was going through this, so I offer you my love and my strength. I got through all of that.

Thank you for joining our family. You'll never feel alone again.

(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
amy

lillamy

That makes you way saner than I was. I tried for a very long time to change AXH. It didn't work. At all.

You don't need to know whether he's an alcoholic. You know what you need to know, and you acted on it. He can tantrum all he wants -- he chose to cheat on you and he chose to behave in unacceptable ways towards you in other ways. That's all you need to know.

I divorced after 20 years of marriage to an A (or if you will, a person who was an ass when he drank and who drank every day) as well. It's the best decision I ever made.