Originally Posted by theuncertainty

Shortayp18, what he's doing right now is not respectful. Not to her. Not to her child. And not to you. It's not romance. It's not selfless and it's not caring. What he is doing right now, by trying to re-kindle your relationship while wrapped up in a relationship with another woman and her child, really seems to negate being a selfless, most caring, loving person.

You don't know what he's telling her. You don't know if she believes their relationship is just as passionate as you feel the relationship was that you and he used to have 2 years ago. You don't know if he's telling her he loves her, too. If he is:

1. Does he actually love her? Where does that leave you?
2. Is it that he doesn't love her, but says he does? That would mean he's capable of and willing to lie about being in love with someone. Lying to her doesn't prove that he's not lying when he says it to you.

Or maybe he's not saying it to her (anymore). He's still using her for financial reasons. Unless he's been completely honest with her about it, that's pretty sleezy, especially since there's a child involved. Heck, even if he is completely up front about it,('Hey. I _don't_ love you now, but I'm going to continue to live with you. You can provide a roof over my head, food for our table; I'll share your bed, hang out with your daughter... Pretend we're something of a family for her. All because I can't pay my bills on my own.), it's fairly callous.

You don't know what they tell each other. You don't really know if he truly went to rehab for himself, or if she'd given him an ultimatum, "rehab or leave my home" and he did it to try to save a comfortable place to live; and now 3 weeks later, he's thinking, "man, Shortayp18 never _made_ me stop drinking, maybe she's forgotten what my drinking is like - its been 2 years - and maybe she won't make me stop for a while yet." You don't know the whole story, and his actions aren't screaming reliability, honesty or respect.

My AXH's GF contacted me when she found out he wasn't divorced like he told her he was when he moved in with her. It was incredibly painful and eye-opening for both of us to find out what lies he was actually telling each of us. I'm not sure I'd recommend contacting the other woman, because that discussion hurt like h-ll, but it sure did bring a lot his lies to the light.

Originally Posted by amy55

I don't know except, yuck...... How do you feel about him sleeping and having sex with someone else while he is calling you? No, you don't know anything about their relationship except what he tells you.

Originally Posted by shortayp18

i feel awful. thats why i want to tell him to not contact me until he really is single and on his own and farther along in his journey of sobriety

Originally Posted by atalose

Usually “confusion” happens when we are not living/thinking/feeling in reality because there is nothing confusing about reality, we just don’t like it that’s all. We throw in all the but’s and and’s and the kitchen sink to justify making reality into anything then what it really is.

I picture the monkey swinging from tree to tree – he’s not going to let go of one branch (current GF) until he’s firmly got a hold of another.

What kind of recovery program have you worked these last few years to help you make healthier decisions when it comes to relationships?

I'd say this has nothing at all to do with his alcoholism and everything to do with you and your issues.

Originally Posted by shortayp18

thats why i want to tell him to not contact me until he really is single and on his own and farther along in his journey of sobriety